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Partner spent £3500 on gambling in one year.

(10 Posts)
BlahBlahBlahEtc Wed 17-May-17 12:48:05

I'm fuming! Me and my partner live together with a 2.9 year old daughter, we live in a shitty tiny back to back house with shitty neighbours and no room to move without falling over eachother, we live in a shitty area that has knife / gun crime, burglaries, muggings etc. The school is atrocious. I'be been scrimping for 2 fucking years to make sure everything is paid, our card gets declined at asda sometimes, it's been so fucking stressful for me. He doesn't deal with the finances, at all. He goes to work (self employed) but takes a thousand days off all the pissing time. We agreed we'd cut back a bit more so we can move house, I say we.. I WILL. I knew he had a gambling habit 3 years ago, I have his bankcard, I changed his bank passwords etc, he's been sneaking money out of paypal (we part time sell on ebay) and sneaking his bank card and hiding his wages... a lot of wages. I just don't know what to do! I've told him not to come tonight because I can't face him.
(I know he's an addict, I've stood by him helping him for years, I've just found out which is why I'm so upset about it)

SorrelSoup Wed 17-May-17 12:54:26

As you've known about it for years and he's come clean about it before but continues to gamble and take family money and not be at work, then you have to separate. You will end up with nothing and anxiety and depression too. Maybe if he tackles his problem in the future you may be able to get back together in a few YEARS, but right now you need to be financially independent or he'll take the lot.

I think it's also a good idea to not keep his secret, if it is one. Tell his family and yours. Get it all out in the open. There are helplines he can ring and groups he can attend, but you must separate now. Staying with him has not changed a thing.

SorrelSoup Wed 17-May-17 12:56:05

What a drain it is to micro manage an adult. It must be making you ill. Think of all that pressure gone and the weight lifted.

BlahBlahBlahEtc Wed 17-May-17 13:11:08

I wish he did come clean, we had a row this morning because he bet our last £25 yesterday and didn't tell me even though I stressed to him how little money we have. I guessed his account info on the betting site and looked into how much he's spent myself. I knew he had a betting problem but I stupidly thought he was working through it, I mean, the amount of effort it's taken from me to help him through it and it turns out he was just going a different way about it. I lost a baby 2 months ago, 3 months in hospital on and off before then with hyperemesis and this just feels like a kick in the teeth!

Sorry to still be going off on one.

BlahBlahBlahEtc Wed 17-May-17 13:13:14

He has depression and anxiety, this isn't an excuse, but that and the fact I dont work (since having dd) and I live 35 miles away from family, I'm just not sure I can leave. Trust me, I've wanted to a few times lately.

LIZS Wed 17-May-17 13:16:18

You can't change him. He has to want, seek and get help. Best to separate now and take control while he decides whether he wants to do so. All the time you stay and scrape by you are tolerating , even enabling, his gambling.

SorrelSoup Wed 17-May-17 13:43:23

If you're not working then can you go back to family whilst you find a place and get your life back on track? Staying with him as a couple is no longer an option. You can still be in touch but you need to live financially separate. Your priority is a secure home and life for you and dd.

BlahBlahBlahEtc Wed 17-May-17 13:52:39

No unfortunately going back to family isn't an option. I'm booking an appointment at citizens advice to see what my rights are regarding everything. I've left myself in a vulnerable position really ..something that I always said I'd never do! Thanks a lot for all your replies.

SorrelSoup Wed 17-May-17 14:24:18

I hope you get sorted out and decide to go it alone. Good luck.

BlahBlahBlahEtc Wed 17-May-17 15:49:28

Thank you, and thank you for your messages x

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