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Mum being bullied by daughter in law

(7 Posts)
meyersar Fri 12-May-17 19:18:47

Where to start... so my mum and her partner have been with eachother for over 10 years, as both were divorced from previous marriages they never got engaged/married.
Her partners daughter is probably late 30's with her own kids. Ever since my mum and partner have become an item, the daughter has always hated my mum.
I can't remember what started it off but it got to a drunken argument between the two where the daughter and her friend cornered my mum and shouted abuse at her.
Naturally my mum has always been cautious of her, even after the apology (they both had to apologise to each other even though mum had done nothing wrong!)
Since then it's always been tense between the two and had slowly escalated.
I can't go into too much detail as there had been so many I incidents but let's just say that the daughter plays mind games and is incredibly manipulative of her father (mum's partner)
It all came to a head when mum's partner thought he was texting me to say thank you for the birthday meal out, had accidently text his daughter instead - she hit the roof. She rung my mum's phone who was with mums partner and screamed down the phone at her. She then text my mum wishing she would drop dead and that she's a c***, amongst other abusive language.
Mum's partner witnessed the messages and he too received abusive messages from his daughter.

This was before Christmad and for some bizarre reason mum's partner spent the Christmas with his daughter and grandkids leaving mum on her own.
Something to point out is that I too receive a message from the daughter where she stated that my mum is intent on ruining another Christmas for her.
Anyway, reason why partner spent Christmas with his daughter and her kids is that she threatened that he would never see the grandkids again if he didn't spend Christmas with her.
It's now the case where mum has suffered over 10 years of snide remarks, seen her partner get manipulated by his daughter and mum has been strong and put up with it.
I did always wonder why her partner even put up with his daughters behaviour but now it becomes clearer... it turns out when he went to thailand last January 2016 and then again this year, he had been seeing a woman and cheating on my mum.
Plainly denies it, yet mum has found evidence, evidence of messages flashing up on locked screen of his phone, a woman calling him at odd times during the night and she found photos of this woman in messages on his phone.
Some of the messages that flashed up on lock screen say:
- your family hate her
- why don't you leave her
- are you scared of her
- why don't you move to thailand and live with me

To make it even worse, it turns out that he met this woman when he took his granddaughter on holiday to thailand... classy!

So things are pretty crap between the the two of them, he finally admitted and said he strayed as he was stressed and needed a distraction.
Mum had also recently mentioned when she came back from a break to spend time with her family abroad, She found that her make up was sabotaged. Examples:
-Foundation dropped into mascara, you pull the wand out and mascara is tainted with foundation.
-expensive toner, foundation dropped into that and perfume sprayed into a non scented toner!
-underwear draw had cream poured into it
- next door neighbour is having outside renovations so gas created a lot of dust on window. Drawn into window is "filthy b****"

Mum knows for certain that this was her partners daughter. Ever since the abusive message, She has somehow worked her way into her dad and been coming round to mum and her partners house on an almost daily basis.

I feel somewhat helpless, here's my mum in this situation being bullied by a grown woman, no support from her partner and I don't ever want to see or speak to her cheating partner ever again.
I'm hoping karma will play out in due course both to the daughter and mum's partner for what they have done.
Any advice would be great and also if anyone has experienced this from seeing it happen from my perspective it have it happen to themselves directly.

Sorry for the long post, I could write a book about all the things this woman has done to my Mum!

DancingLedge Fri 12-May-17 21:33:54

Why hasn't your mum left?

hollyisalovelyname Mon 15-May-17 16:29:38

Your Mum should leave both of them.
Neither of them are nice to your DM.
He is as bad as his daughter with his OW.
Her self confidence is probably on the floor from her partner's infidelity. She needs your support so much.

Reow Mon 15-May-17 16:35:47

Why is your mum still with him?

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Tue 16-May-17 13:35:31

She needs practical help on ways to get out of there. .

hollyisalovelyname Tue 16-May-17 21:12:02

There might be more traffic in Relationships,OP

meyersar Mon 22-May-17 20:37:14

Thank you all, much appreciated. She's taken a break away to see her parents and wider family, hopefully that gives her some space to think and enjoy herself rather than being stuck in this horrible situation. Thank you x

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