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What do people actually talk about anyway?

(11 Posts)
BlahBlahBlahEtc Fri 12-May-17 12:48:57

I have a bit of a backstory so I'll just fill you in now.

I was diagnosed with m.e when I was 21, I lived a full life before then, worked since I was 15, had close friends, went out, etc. After the diagnosis I was very much on my own for around 6 years, I had one visitor in that time, apart from my mum, who I lived with, I didn't talk to any one in real life.

Anyway! Now I'm in my early 30's, I have a 2.5 year old dd and a partner who I live with.

The issue is my SIL mainly, we've ended up on nice and friendly terms, we go out together with the kids (she has a 2 yr old ds also), we go to eachothers houses and out for the odd lunch. It ALWAYS turns into a whole day affair.

However, apart from family, we have NOTHING in common, we don't like the same music, films, hobbies etc etc. She's in her early 20's also (not really a problem obv).
Conversation always turns into a moan, about life, partners (our dps are brothers), etc
I just feel like I'm boring her to death, it's being 'suggested' by my dp to spend time with her without the kids but I'm worried because I don't know what the hell to talk about! At least with with the kids there it's a distraction from my monotonous conversation.

What on earth do people usually talk about?

I 'm aware this is quite ridiculous grin

PaulSimonsMatesMissus Fri 12-May-17 12:55:17

I understand how you feel, I often struggle to make small talk or general conversation. Have you seen "36 questions to make someone fall in love with you"? It's actually about getting to know people and some of the questions can be useful in just this sort of situation - the questions are broken into 3 sets, the first set being fairly generic ( it then goes deeper with sets 2 and 3).
If you like the idea, why not pick a question or two to get going and see where it takes you - I'm not suggesting you sit down with the whole list and work through it!

www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html?_r=0

BlahBlahBlahEtc Fri 12-May-17 12:58:46

That's such a good idea! Thank you.

* I'm not suggesting you sit down with the whole list and work through it!*

Doing that though, does sound pretty hilarious haha!

Dozer Fri 12-May-17 13:05:07

Do you have social anxiety?

Do you have other friends?

A whole day sounds too long: arrange to meet her out, leave when you're ready if you visit her, or (if she's coming to you) have her over later in the day.

BlahBlahBlahEtc Fri 12-May-17 13:15:52

Dozer I do a bit, I can usually work through it but I do over think things as you can probably tell.

I don't have friends no, it's something I'm actively working on though.

I guess the problem with the whole day thing is she doesn't drive, so if we go out (usually do) I go to hers to pick her up, usually a cuppa is offered so that adds 30-45 minutes, or she won't be entirely ready. Then we go out, so depending on where we're going, we could be there a few hours (she's a gift shop shopper too, so that adds time, I hate gift shops!) Then the drive back and she'll ask us to come in, the kids have a play and before I know it its 4pm and I'm making excuses to go.

Like I said though, I don't mind the time really, it's about once a fortnight or a bit less so it's nice to see some one. I just wish I had something interesting to say, but interesting things all day would be a problem for any one I guess!

SafeWord Fri 12-May-17 13:18:49

Woah. A whole day of conversation is too much with most people.

Dozer Fri 12-May-17 13:20:21

It would not be rude to decline the cup of tea and suggest heading straight out, or to decline the one at the end of the day. She might feel similarly.

BlahBlahBlahEtc Fri 12-May-17 13:24:38

I'm sensing there's going to be a running theme of cutting the time down! It's not something I thought about before now but I will try and decline the teas and play after the 'event'. I am knackered by then I have to admit.

BlahBlahBlahEtc Fri 12-May-17 13:25:11

and slightly antisocial

MiddleagedManic Fri 12-May-17 13:30:30

Things I discuss with friends - education system and what's wrong with it, politics, how we'd spend a million pounds if it landed in our laps, our ideal holidays, a book one of us has read, the latest medical drama in one of our families (there's always one). Just pick what the news headline of the day is and discuss. Doesn't have to be confrontational. E.g. Fox hunting - doesn't have to be 'are you for or against it' it can be more 'isn't it strange how traditions continue/attitudes change throughout the years, do you remember X,Y or can you imagine still doing X,Y?' sort of thing.
But, I can talk the hind leg off a donkey....

BlahBlahBlahEtc Fri 12-May-17 13:41:05

Theres some really good pointers there, thank you middleagedmaniac

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