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Ex colleague blanking me

(25 Posts)
CaulkheadNorth Fri 28-Apr-17 16:11:56

I feel like I've accidentally become 7 years old again.

From 2014-15 I worked with a colleague. Let's call her Sandra. i had a lot of time off during that period with my mental health, but Sandra and I always got on well. I moved away, and we didn't stay in touch, but we're on Facebook/twitter with each other.

About 6 months ago she blocked me on twitter. Fine. She then deleted me as a Facebook friend. Fine. We hadn't been in touch since stopping working together and it didn't bother me, other than slight interest when I heard she had left our joint previous place of work.

Today I went to the main head office for work and she was working on reception. I greeted her warmly, said it was nice to see her. She ignored me to the point of one my colleagues commenting.

When I left, I tried to chat again to her. She was frosty but polite so I said "it was such a long time ago we worked together, maybe a coffee somewhen would be good". She then said "I'll see you when hell freezes over".

I was shocked, and said that if I'd upset her then I'd rather talk about it and clear the air. She ignored me.

I have to go to this office every few weeks and I'm now feeling concerned that it will be awkward each time with her. She is clearly angry at me, but I don't know why, or what I can do to fix it. Any suggestions?

CaulkheadNorth Fri 28-Apr-17 16:12:21

(Sorry for such an epic post)

SaorAlbaGuBrath Fri 28-Apr-17 16:14:48

She needs to grow up, sharpish. My personal favourite in situations where someone is being unnecessarily rude and petty is to tell them that if they have a problem, then it's their problem not mine.

CaulkheadNorth Fri 28-Apr-17 16:15:40

Afterwards I wanted to say "did you mean to be so rude" but I didn't think of it quickly enough.

SaorAlbaGuBrath Fri 28-Apr-17 16:19:02

I'd be pretty stunned and unable to think of a comeback with that level of ridiculousness to be fair. She sounds like she's got a real problem, but you've tried to ask her what it is and resolve it nicely. She's being a right bitch.

CaulkheadNorth Fri 28-Apr-17 16:22:44

Thanks for the reassurance, I'm glad I'm not alone in finding this weird.

I just don't know what to do when I see her next.

brieandcrackers Fri 28-Apr-17 16:24:21

How bizarre - do you have any mutual friends who might be able to shed some light on why she's started disliking you?

Even if she had a good enough reason, for the sake of professionalism she shouldn't have reacted to your presence like that!!

OliviaStabler Fri 28-Apr-17 16:25:06

Ignore it. Be polite and professional when you see her but write her off in any other sense. I have no time for people like her.

LoveForTulips Fri 28-Apr-17 16:28:14

In this situation I would be so nice/polite to her. (maybe comes off a little passive aggressive)
But if she won't tell you what you may have done wrong, what are you supposed to do? I would say good morning/afternoon every time i pass her, and on leaving the building, if i pass her again, tell her to have a nice day.
But then, that's just me.
Hope you find out whats happening!

CaulkheadNorth Fri 28-Apr-17 16:28:49

Only people that left before I did, so know her less well, if that makes sense.

When we worked together, she could be quite highly strung, but not to a huge extent...

GoodDayToYou Fri 28-Apr-17 16:29:11

I can only guess that she's possibly taken offence at something you've posted??

GoodDayToYou Fri 28-Apr-17 16:31:24

Jta, it's a weird way to behave. She must have a reason though.

CaulkheadNorth Fri 28-Apr-17 16:32:12

Maybe. I try to not talk about that job as I'm friends with others from there, but maybe it's something else. Just so weird.

BerylStreep Fri 28-Apr-17 16:41:54

So does she work for the same organisation as you, but at head office whereas you don't?

Or were you at head office the capacity as a client / customer?

I think it makes a difference, because whilst her response to you was completely inappropriate, if you were there as a client it is waaay worse.

She obviously thinks you have said or done something to upset her.

CaulkheadNorth Fri 28-Apr-17 16:46:15

I was there as the client. It's a large national charity that rent some floors in a building. She works on reception and I was there visiting someone who works there.

I know the other person on reception well, I've used the building very few weeks for about 5 years, but I don't feel it's professional to ask him if he mentioned anything when I left.

Pinkypierainbowdash Fri 28-Apr-17 16:46:52

Next time,just talk work related if you need to otherwise just ignore her .

But if you feel she might be a problem it might be best to chat to manager or hr

Just explain you worked together but didbt stay in touch.now shes being strange with you

Go on to explain you dont want her to be made to talk to you etc.but you dont want to be made to feel like crap and that you cant come to work .

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Fri 28-Apr-17 16:49:36

Sandra sounds like hard work.

Or maybe you inadvertently 'liked' something racist or homophobic or something? It happens.

CaulkheadNorth Fri 28-Apr-17 16:53:42

Yeah maybe.

I don't usually end up in these situations and it just feels majorly uncomrotable.

pluck Fri 28-Apr-17 16:55:16

She may have a reason and she may not, but either way someone's going to lose face if you force a confrontation, so just take care it's not you not to demand any more acknowledgement from her than a previously-unknown colleague (e.g. no more proposals to go for coffee) which she may throw back in your face. It may be that you can both interact normally if it's superficial and polite, so give that a try. Don't try to clear the air or anything: there's really no need for things to get messy over an ex-colleague whom you didn't even seem to know that well!

MadamePomfrey Fri 28-Apr-17 17:00:10

Sandra dose sound ott and she definitely has an issue of some kind with you I agree with pp possibly something some one tagged you in on Facebook that offended her? Seems most likely!

What I don't see though is why you felt the need to suggest coffee with some one who blocked you then ignored you in person then by your own words was frosty!! she had made it pretty clear she didn't want to be friends so I'm not sure why you pushed with coffee??

Polite business only chat from now on and if you have an issue then talk to her line manager.

OnGoldenPond Fri 28-Apr-17 17:02:18

You are the client, you should expect civility in that capacity. If you don't get that complain to her employer.

Your previous working relationship is irrelevant

RebootYourEngine Fri 28-Apr-17 17:04:17

It sounds like something has happened and thinks that you are responsible. There could be so many reasons. Does she have a partner who she may think you are having an affair with? Has she always done this job or did something happen meaning that she was demoted or moved departments? Did you not like a photo or post of hers on facebook?

CaulkheadNorth Fri 28-Apr-17 17:07:42

I suggested coffee because I didn't want her to think I was doing anything other than being kind/polite etc.

I'm happy to just have polite work conversation in the future

CaulkheadNorth Fri 28-Apr-17 17:09:30

She's single, and has been all the time I've known her. She's late 50s so I can't imagine she would have an issue with me not liking Facebook pictures, but maybe...

OnGoldenPond Fri 28-Apr-17 17:30:23

Don't sweat it, she is a drama queen .

But make sure she observes professional politeness

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