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BIL's wasted potential

(4 Posts)
ExtraPineappleExtraHam Fri 28-Apr-17 14:55:59

Both my BIL's have been unemployed for years. The older one (late 20's) was working in the NHS but quit because he didn't like the hours. The younger one (mid 20's) has worked for about 4 months in entirety since leaving school. I love them both dearly but I've run out of ways to try and help. I've rewritten their CV's, sent them jobs I've found online, given them info on apprenticeships, offered to volunteer with them at a charity shop or walking dogs. I don't know what else I can do.
Before you get too angry, they're not your usual 'dossers.' When I go round their house (they both live with my IL's) they are dressed and doing housework or scrapbooking! They look after my kids when I need them too and even make my dd papier-mâché post boxes and pirate ships! They don't sign on because they don't want to be labelled as scroungers (but also so no one forces them to apply for jobs either!) I wouldn't usually interfere but their parents are worried and also it's a massive waste of life experiences! By BIL's age I had gone to uni, travelled, was living on my own etc. They're not doing any of this due to lack of cash and it really depresses me.
On a selfish note we're all going on holiday together this summer and I'm worried that it'll be a bit awkward when we eat out or want to go for a drink. Last year the younger one got quite tetchy whenever the bill was passed round and he had to look at his parents as if to say 'could you get this?'
Please don't be too mean, I do love them.

guinnessgirl Fri 28-Apr-17 15:25:22

It sounds like you've already done all you can. When all is said and done, they are grown men who need to make their own efforts to get a job if they choose to. If your PiL really wanted the situation to change, they'd either evict them or start charging rent in order to make them support themselves. Otherwise, no matter what they all say, they all seem content to maintain the status quo. I'm not trying to be provocative when I say that, unless there is back story you're not telling us, I don't reallt understand why you're involving yourself in the matter.

ZilphasHatpin Fri 28-Apr-17 15:27:39

but their parents are worried

Well tell them to stop bank rolling them and their sons will soon have to support themselves. Either by signing on or finding jobs.

Instasista Fri 28-Apr-17 15:31:21

Don't do anything for them. They're grown men and don't want help

Not sure why scrapbooking is any better than slobbibg round watching tv though

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