Taken in kicked out teen(3 Posts)
My husband and I have taken in my 16 yr old cousin as he was kicked out of his home. He was wrongly accused of being violent and destructive and his parents had him escorted out of his home by police. Needless to say we are all shaken up. My husband and I are 30 and 31 yrs old. We haven't had children yet so we are very new to the whole having kids thing.
A little bit about him:
He was adopted at a young age with his sister. Though he was not the one they wanted. He was not loved as he should have been. We are pretty sure he has undiagnosed autism and his parents were rather cruel to him. The autism part is no worry as I have it myself but we are concerned as he does show signs of abuse. He feels the need to sneak food even though he is welcome to eat whenever. He has an infected toenail that was not seen to. And has attempted suicide more than once, though luckily not since being here has he harmed himself.
My husband and I love this guy to death. He was broken and terrified when we picked him up at the shelter the police had dropped him off at. We know we can love and support him through anything, it is the practicalities that are the trouble.
I recognise that at 16 he doesn't need to be raised so much as given guidance and taught how to be self-sufficient. He has only been here a week. I have laid down the basic rules such as curfew, must attend school, etc. But like I said we are noobs. And advice on rules, boundaries, tips, anything would be helpful.
We are taking him to a doctor and getting him a social worker to deal with his depression. We want to do what is best for him.
I don't think I can really give advice as this sounds complex and it's brilliant you are their for him.I have a 15 year old dd and quite different so couldn't give advice for your specifics.
The only thing I would say is boundaries are important but don't overly worry about small things (pick the non negotiable). You may well be in a honeymoon period so just be aware of that. Learn how to count to 10 and stay calm, keep being there and be available for when he is ready and wanting to talk.
Oh wow. I don't have practical advice but I want to wish you luck. I would push for as much help from social services as possible - don't let them think 'phew that problem's solved'.
Wishing you all the best. You're doing a good thing.
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