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If you move to another part of the country and no one makes any effort to get to know you?

(14 Posts)
usernoidea Thu 06-Apr-17 13:37:28

So I'm exhausted and oversensitive so please don't wade in with some unhelpful comments but just looking for some support as feel pretty lonely
Got a 6 month old baby who I love and whose probably classed as a "good baby". Moved 3 hours away from home last year to live with dp due to being pregnant
I've tried to push myself by getting out there to meet new people (all of whom are newish mums too as I go to some baby classes) . I've plucked up the courage to ask a few for coffee and as nice as they are they never ask me anything. At all. Fuck all. It's always me keeping the conversation going and doing all the leg work.
I miss home . I miss my friends. I feel lonely and like there's something wrong with me x

Screamifuwant2gofaster Sat 08-Apr-17 21:49:08

What area are you in user? (Roughly). I know how you feel. Xx

usernoidea Sun 09-Apr-17 04:56:33

Lancs

picklemepopcorn Sun 09-Apr-17 06:24:12

IT does take ages!
Just join loads of groups, cheap community centre toddler groups rather than activity focused ones seem better for this.
Eventually, you start meeting up in school holidays when the groups close, the birthdays and other times too. But you have to go pretty much every week. Popping in every now and then doesn't do it.

Have you had a look at the MUSH app for finding mum friends? It's actually really good and well worth a try

Tootsiepops Sun 09-Apr-17 06:33:42

Honestly, op? I moved back home. I lasted about a year under similar circumstances - no family or friends nearby and not managing to connect with the other mums in the town we'd moved to - before I thought, fuck this. It was too hard and I was too isolated.

FrontRowSeat Sun 09-Apr-17 06:45:56

Can you get involved in a sport?
I usually find having something in common works better. My local ladies beginners running club are super friendly and have loads of little social nights.

The only Mum friends I made otherwise were at baby swim lessons as it naturally led to conversation and was a regular weekly arrangement. Good luck OP.

usernoidea Sun 09-Apr-17 08:43:39

Thanks everyone. I'm doing all of these. I will just have to learn to be patient (one of my many faults)!
X

Chavelita Wed 12-Apr-17 19:44:58

I gave up, embraced my inner recluse, and maintained my old, long-distance friendships. Honestly, I turned just to be a poor match with the people where I live now. (I moved out of London with an eight-month-old.) I was a lot older and more educated than the other parents I met at the baby groups, which I attended religiously. This wasn't a problem for me, but it seems it was for them. Mind you, it's not hard to stick out as 'unusual' around here. There used to be another foreigner in the village, but she moved back to the US, so it's just me, DH and DS. It's no one's fault.

ginorwine Fri 14-Apr-17 10:25:09

Are you in a city or a village op ?

usernoidea Fri 14-Apr-17 13:12:19

Smallish village
Moved from a large city
I've met up with a few folk from mush
Just soul destroying to have to find mates online!

ginorwine Fri 14-Apr-17 15:25:24

Do you have a nearby town ? I'm asking as I kno parts of lancs quite well having brought dc up there and wondering if there is anything I cd think of ...

shesnotme Fri 14-Apr-17 15:34:11

Were roughly in Lancs? Lived there for 5 years... Took 4 years to make a few friends!

Chavelita Fri 14-Apr-17 17:49:06

Maybe you have a version of my problem, user. I'm a deeply ordinary person by big city standards, but I stuck out like a sore thumb in the villages around here - it was as if I was wearing a giant neon sign that said NOT FROM AROUND HERE, but I was completely unaware of that until I'd lived here several years.

And I wasn't expecting it, because I'm from a deeply rural bit of my home country, only a fair sprinkling of foreigners, including artists/writers/organic cheesemakers/actors have moved there, so the average evening in the pub is pretty varied. Here is much more insular.

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