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I want children but have terrible parents. Is this realisting in life?

(6 Posts)
Kella1092 Tue 21-Mar-17 23:06:50

Right, I'm always on mums net as I love it for all sorts of advice. I currently work in childcare and am new in teaching in a school in spain.

I met someone here and the relationship is getting serious. I love children and want to have my own one day.. the problem is... I had quite a bad childhood and a rough time growing up.

Now I can appreciate what I'm saying, people may not be able to say or do anything to help my situation but I'm hoping maybe someone has some advice or may be in a similar situation and knows how difficult it is.

My mum's an alcoholic and was really nasty and abusive to me all the way until I left home at 18. I havnt had contact with her since. My dad also has issues and becomes quite violent and nasty if we get into an argument to. I'm forever in and out of contact with him.

As if it isnt hard enough he won't contact me and I'm terrified that if I have children, he won't want to know them... I would never want them to feel rejected or unloved the way I did. It would kill me. I'm not sure it would be a bright idea to have kids without support like that. I just think of all the questions that would be raised and just have the feeling that it wouldn't be enough for a child.

I wouldn't dream of ever getting into contact with my own mother for the sake of children if I had kids after what she did to me. And I'm not saying it for my sake I'm saying it because I'd never let anyone near a child knowing what they did to hurt a child in the past.

I just feel so sad this is the reality of it and what I can do. Do you think anyone had ever decided not to have children because of something like this?

Primaryteach87 Tue 21-Mar-17 23:10:25

Plenty of children don't have grandparents as they have passed away. It's not essential (although is nice if they are nice). Perhaps have some counselling to work through the impact it has had on you and how you will raise your children? In principle though, I don't see why your mum being awful to you should rob you of a potentially very happy relationship with your own children.

Kella1092 Tue 21-Mar-17 23:47:14

Thank you for your kind response. I'm sat here crying over it tonight, emotions are too high. What you say is true though.

Lissette Tue 21-Mar-17 23:53:24

Don't cry Kella. I have difficulties with my parents and am no contact now. Don't let the lack of family contact put you off having kids. I found my emotions over the abuse from my Mum intensified when I had my son and I wasn't ready for that. But I love being a Mum - I've built my own family.

user1471537877 Wed 22-Mar-17 09:50:21

Hi Kella

You sound like you would make a great mum, grandparents and extended family are nice but not essential

We are a nuclear family and have no one else around, my parents both died early and sadly dh's parents were only interested in his siblings family

Along the road we've found other people who have filled roles for our children helping to shape them into as people tell us two lovely kind young people

They say it takes a village to raise a child, you will find yours as your children grow

For what it's worth I would say it's made the four of us very close and supportive of each other, I feel with you as a mum you'll probably be just the same

greenlipstick Wed 29-Mar-17 21:40:47

Hey, you can break the cycle. Therapy would be a good idea. Also, check out the book Mothering Without a Map.

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