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To tell a woman I slept with her husband 8 years ago?

(20 Posts)
user45678931 Tue 21-Mar-17 21:09:19

Namechanged and I really don't want to reveal too many details in case anybody works out who I am.

When I was 16 (24 now) I used to stay around a friends house almost every weekend. Her mum occasionally used to have bbqs/parties and being a hippy type she let us join in as guests. After a few times of meeting a married couple in their 30s - the husband told me when he was drunk that he fancied me. The next time my friend's mother had a party he came alone and I got quite drunk and ended up having sex with him upstairs whilst the party went on downstairs. Afterward I was too scared to tell anyone for fear of the consequences and I didn't even know their last name. I didn't see either the husband or wife for many years.

Until last week when I was in a local pub and I got a tap on the shoulder, the husband telling me that he always thinks about it and did I want to give it another go. I said no and left the pub with my friend.

I wouldn't usually drag up something that happened 8 years in the past but a) the incident in the pub and b) being recently married myself I've got fresh guilt sad

Feel free to flame me, I'm not trying to make myself feel better. I'm just unsure after he's brought it up again. They don't have children (I asked my friend whose mum knows them) if this makes any difference.

StarUtopia Tue 21-Mar-17 21:11:02

What would you be trying to achieve by doing it?

justgothesolution Tue 21-Mar-17 21:11:35

omg I wouldn't say a thing. Why would you? He sounds like a complete sleaze.

Bobbins43 Tue 21-Mar-17 21:11:40

Please don't tell her. I'm not going to flame you, nobody is perfect but she doesn't need to know.

TheHiphopopotamus Tue 21-Mar-17 21:13:47

How old was the husband when he slept with you?

If he was 40s/50s, I think I'd want to know if my husband was targeting drunk young girls, tbh.

TheHiphopopotamus Tue 21-Mar-17 21:14:48

Sorry, I see you said he was in his 30's. My point still stands.

He sounds disgusting.

dilapidated Tue 21-Mar-17 21:15:13

I'd want to know

Don't blame yourself

EccentricPickle Tue 21-Mar-17 21:15:23

Poor woman sad. I don't know if I could/would tell her but I think I would rather know if my husband was such a scum bag, tbh.

You probably weren't the first or last he has cheated with.

Gettingthere7 Tue 21-Mar-17 21:16:28

Would you want to know?

TheElephantofSurprise Tue 21-Mar-17 21:19:12

You were drunk. Were you in a position to give consent, or do you think you were raped? It might be that you do need to speak to someone but perhaps his wife isn't the place to start.

user45678931 Tue 21-Mar-17 21:20:43

@TheElephantofSurprise I wouldn't consider it a rape, I mostly felt guilty rather than taken advantage of.

I was drunk but not smashed, and I did agree to it blush

ThatsWotSheSaid Tue 21-Mar-17 21:20:57

Some guy in his thirties took advantage of a drunk 16 year old. I'd threaten to tell his wife if he even looked in my direction again if he touched me I'd kick him in his balls. Sleezy weirdo.

NowtAbout Tue 21-Mar-17 21:22:25

If I were his wife I would want to know. You were basically a child. I hope you didn't feel cohersed in anyway

NowtAbout Tue 21-Mar-17 21:23:36

I know lots of 16 year old girls, if a 30 year old tried it on with them it would be wrong.

BastardGoDarkly Tue 21-Mar-17 21:29:02

God he's disgusting. He's probably been cheating all the years in between.

It's not your problem, your problem is letting it go for yourself, you were a child, a drunk child, forgive yourself.

BantyCustards Tue 21-Mar-17 21:30:32


It's 8 years ago.

Let sleeepinv dogs lie

user45678931 Tue 21-Mar-17 21:40:54

Thanks for all the responses. I hadn't thought of the incident for years until last week. He also came up on my suggested friends on Facebook today which I thought was too coincidental (no mutual friends) and turns out (via some googling) if that happens somebody has been looking at your page.

I don't want to drop a bombshell into this woman's life after 8 years. However as a PP suggested maybe it would be a good idea to warn him off if I see him again. I told my DH about this and he's apprehensive about me getting involved as he says it will probably also cause me problems (small town)

CremeEggThief Tue 21-Mar-17 21:42:42

No; it would be a spiteful thing to do to the poor wife.

Ohyesiam Tue 21-Mar-17 21:49:40

Op, don't feel guilty, you were so young at the time. How vile of this guy to target such a young girl.
I wouldnt tell her, but I would threaten to if he ever tapped me on the shoulder again.

mumofthemonsters808 Tue 21-Mar-17 21:53:50

It's a sorry state of affairs, when an older married man is having sex with a young girl whilst his wife is downstairs.However, I don't see what telling her would achieve, the odds are he is a player and has been throughout their marriage, he'll probably deny it, she'll blame you.Do you really want the hassle. I wouldn't get hung up on the fbook thing, but if he does make contact be very direct and tell him to F off.

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