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Lying partner please help.

(41 Posts)
Woozle91 Tue 14-Mar-17 12:57:00

Please don't be judgemental I genuinely need some advice. My partner have been together for 3 years. I have 2 children who he is an excellent dad too. He has taken me on after I was in a very abusive relationship. I am quite damaged from that and we have all been through a lot since. However I found my partner looking at things he shouldn't have been looking at and due to my self esteem and previous situation I was so hurt. I explained how hutt I was and that I don't understand why he would feel the need to do it. We sat and had a talk and I said how I don't like that stuff and how it makes me feel. I understand men do it the issue is that he did it again after knowing how it hurt me. Since this he has been caught 4 times doing. He's gone completely out of his way to ensure he wasn't caught. I told him the third time I would leave him as it was ruining me emotionally. He gave me all the sorry, I love you, you deserve better I shouldn't of done it to you etc etc. And when we were getting a lot better he did it again. It's now not about what he's don't but about the fact he has done it, lied and knows that I could of left him and more to the point he knows how much It ruins me. He is now saying how sorry he is that he won't do it again and I'm his everything etc etc. And I can't believe a word he says I need advice asap please help. Thank you I'm advancesadsad

WellErrr Tue 14-Mar-17 12:58:24

For me, what exactly he was looking at will make a difference here.

PolkadotPony Tue 14-Mar-17 12:58:51

Do you mean porn?

Woozle91 Tue 14-Mar-17 12:59:00

Excuse the mistakes please I was typing quickly. Thank you.

Woozle91 Tue 14-Mar-17 13:00:41

Yes but it was more girls rather then porn. I could understand a bit more if it was porn as it would be for w**k or sexual gratification because ours wasn't good enough etc.

PolkadotPony Tue 14-Mar-17 13:01:56

Can you explain more what he was looking at? You can use 'rude' words here freely.

Men don't look at porn because you're somehow sexually inferior.

StealthPolarBear Tue 14-Mar-17 13:03:10

What do you mean by girls then?

Woozle91 Tue 14-Mar-17 13:04:18

Majority of the time porn but more girls dancing around naked etc etc rather then sex.

PutThatPomBearBack Tue 14-Mar-17 13:05:47

So child porn?....

PutThatPomBearBack Tue 14-Mar-17 13:06:02

Or child abuse I should say

PolkadotPony Tue 14-Mar-17 13:06:29

Are they over the age of 18?

Woozle91 Tue 14-Mar-17 13:06:35

Sorry god no not at all. I mean women. Sorry I'm not making myself clear at all.

PutThatPomBearBack Tue 14-Mar-17 13:13:47

So what's the problem then? Do you just not like him watching porn? Or women dancing confused

PolkadotPony Tue 14-Mar-17 13:16:15

This is just my opinion, but I'd let it drop.

I understand how it makes you feel, but he's not doing it because you're inferior, or because he wishes you were them, or anything like that. He isn't doing it constantly, he sounds like he loves you.

You've asked him to stop, you've explained. You can't police what he looks at and I don't think you should leave an otherwise good man over him watching a few videos of a woman dancing around.

PolkadotPony Tue 14-Mar-17 13:17:45

Don't disbelieve him and what he stands for and how he loves you, because he watched porn and or dancing videos.

StealthPolarBear Tue 14-Mar-17 13:19:39

You sound like you're permanently grateful op. It's fine to not like your oh watching naked women. I'd not like it.

Woozle91 Tue 14-Mar-17 13:33:32

It's now not just about what he's done but more about the surrounding issues and the fact he's done it knowing how it hurts me and the times he's done it has been when I've been suffering badly. I can't go into to much but I have PTSD and I suffer all round from my previous relationship my ex has caused a lot of problems and we've had to have a lot of involvement with police and we very had to relocate etc etc. And I just feel betrayed. And hurt. Especially when he knew how it make me feel. I know there's woman out there that don't mind there other halves looking at stuff etc but unfortunately I really struggle I feel I am not good enough etc and he knows this is how I feel. And has continued to do it.

clarkey82 Tue 14-Mar-17 15:29:55

For a man watching porn is just a way to release sexual tension. It does not mean he no longer fancies you or loves you, ... please excuse the crudeness but he just needs to have a wank. You can't ban him or stop him. Just let him do what he needs to do once a week and get on with your life. Certainly not worth leaving him over it. Every single man.... every single one of them from 14 up until the day they die do it and you can't impose a ban.

NomDePlumeReloaded Tue 14-Mar-17 15:36:12

'Every single man from 14 to death'

hmm

StealthPolarBear Tue 14-Mar-17 15:42:55

With you there Nom

Comealongpond89 Tue 14-Mar-17 15:43:13

OP I understand that you're hurt because he said he wouldn't do it again and he did. But I don't think he's really done anything wrong. I'm speaking as someone who's exH was arrested for downloading indecent images of children for the entire 9 yrs we were together (I left home the day I found out) so I know it's not nice for you to deal with because of your past but trust me there are u check worse things he could be doing.

Comealongpond89 Tue 14-Mar-17 15:43:37

*much worse things

Woozle91 Tue 14-Mar-17 16:10:30

Thank you all. It is more to do with trust and hurt he knew he was causing and also he put his sexual relief before my feelings. He also goes mad if another bloke looks at me...

StealthPolarBear Tue 14-Mar-17 16:13:51

Presumably he has no issues with you watching dancing naked men though

clarkey82 Tue 14-Mar-17 16:34:35

So you want him never to masturbate? Presumably only ever to have sexual relief when you also want it? That's pretty unreasonable.

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