Problems with partners family, advice needed!(9 Posts)
Hello all, I'm new to Mumsnet and thought I'd come on here for some advice
My partner and I have been together for 5 years now and are very much in love with each other, we now also have a 3 month old baby who is our world! The only problem is my partners sister, she has been very spiteful to me from the beginning of our relationship when I can honestly say I have been nothing but kind and loving to her, driving her to work, inviting her over for dinner, taking her shopping etc...I wanted to be like another sister figure in her life. She is now 19 but has always been extremely jealous of my relationship with her older brother, yelling at me completely un provoked, throwing things, shouting, and messaging me pages of nasty essays saying how much she hates me, how ugly I am and how her brother could do much better, which hurt me a lot as I have never done anything to deserve that treatment. Even then I didn't respond to her, but what did hurt me is that my partner didn't do anything to stick up for me, saying 'that's just what she's like, just ignore her' I have been brought up In a respectful and kind family and have never experienced anything like it!!
Anyway, she had met a new boyfriend about a year ago and was fine with us for a while and I was hoping she had changed, until the day our little one was born... again, we received nasty jealous messages and she didn't want anything to do with our baby. (She didn't like the fact the attention was on us) 2 months later, she texts my partner an 'apology' asking to meet our little one, I just don't want her to meet her at the moment because of the way she has treated me too many times, I don't want my baby to be anywhere near someone I consider unsafe. My partner however is sad that his sister has not yet met her, it is really bugging me as I don't want to upset him either I hope someone can offer me some thoughts/advice as right now I feel like the bad guy thanks for reading! X
Put your foot down and stop taking her nasty abuse, OP.
Tell her you'll consider her request when you're satisfied
she has grown up and stopped being vile. She's an adult
and responsible for her own behaviour - I wouldn't take the
risk of letting a baby anywhere near her.
Your partner needs to step up. He's sad his sister hasn't met the baby but totally fine with his sister abusing you?
He needs to give himself a shake.
I'd stand your ground until he gets a grip on his priorities.
Thank you ladies! This is my point exactly, she's an adult and should know better!
She now keeps messaging my partner being sickly sweet which I know is for a reason but he falls for it... she still hasn't even messaged me to even try and make an apology! he is standing by me but isn't happy about it. I will protect my daughter from anything and anyone I feel unsafe and she just so happens to be his sister! What makes it worse is their dad has sided with her too and she is telling everyone that I'm controlling my partner xx
There comes a point where someone's repeated cycle of being abusive, reconciling, being abusive again has to be brought to a halt. Only you can decide when that point is. Personally, I have something like a 3 strikes and you're out rule for people that have a close relationship (family, their SO etc) to me. Everyone else gets a second chance at best, often not even that.
That's the script you know. Apparently I was reading my husband's emails and telling him what to write. They knew this. It was quite funny as we knew I wasn't and it helped DH to see their behaviour clearly.
You're both so right, and yes exploded cloud I wish my fella would see it! I have given her chances and she has just thrown them back at me, but enough is enough especially now! I will stick to my decision no matter what they say about me, I know I've done nothing wrong x
Delete her number and block her. . You don't need the hassle. Let your dp deal with her.
Your partner has let you down. She is a jealous manipulative young woman.
But if your DP wants his sis to meet his child, then I don't think you have the right to bar him from doing so.
If you can bear it, could you agree for all 3 of you to meet her in a cafe for half an hour? She likely won't misbehave on public, and you can easily say you need to leave because Dd needs a feed. By all 3 of you going, you are showing that you are a united family. But I completely understand if you decide you don't want to go.
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