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DS floundering in sports team. To give up or persevere?

(14 Posts)
guerillastyle Sun 05-Mar-17 14:00:59

My DS11 joined a sports club with friends two years ago. It's a drop and go type club so I hadn't watched him play until recently as his age group have just started to compete.
I went to one comp before Christmas and he was by far weakest player in team. Disengaged and low energy, his friends obviously frustrated with him.
I spoke to the coach who seemed positive about him continuing however his old friends have sidelined him at training and now this group ignore him at school too. He seems to get nothing socially from this and obviously doesn't like to compete. I'm not sure why he keeps going as I've said previously he could give up if he wanted.
So, competition this weekend and DH has gone to watch. He has just called to say my DS was very poor and disengaged again.
We've not told him he isn't very good but it must be obvious to him from comments from teammates. Coach is a super positive inclusive guy who wouldn't kick him out but I expect some of the other parents will be having a good bitch about him/ it's that kind of town.
So, if DS wants to continue (goodness knows why) do I support him? Do I gently suggest he try something else? Do I go for full honesty and say 'look son this game just isn't for you'. DH very unsporty and won't want to learn/practise with him and I can't say I'm keen but would give it a go in the garden!!

So, WWYD?

lljkk Sun 05-Mar-17 14:06:14

Is he stuck in his habits or resilient enough to persevere no matter what?

My gut feeling is don't stop this but maybe look for other opportunities to do in addition to the current club. If he finds huge success at something else, he may choose that instead.

guerillastyle Sun 05-Mar-17 14:25:40

I think it's a habit now and perhaps also because he really likes the coach. We are happy he's getting some regular exercise and he is pretty fit but the games I watched were just excruciating. The other kids were running rings round him, he looked lost, and his teammates were very frustrated with him/ but not cruel I should add. It's quite a competitive team with lots of aggressive/shouty parents on the sidelines.

Part of me thinks let him persevere, he might get really good and it'd be a huge confidence boost....but that's s bit Disney ending.

I'm going to look into Easter hols 'come and try' sports events and get him to pick one to go to.

He has other skills and interests but this is the only purely sporty thing he does.

ineedamoreadultieradult Sun 05-Mar-17 14:27:53

Can he join a team more suited to his ability. If it is a competitive team with shout parents he is probably too scared to get stuck in incase he makes a mistake and gets shouted at.

StereophonicallyChallenged Sun 05-Mar-17 14:33:06

What sport is it? There are some sports where players can really start improving as they get older & stronger, which also can kick start confidence and engagement again, and then there are other sports where if you are not 'good enough' by about 11 or 12 then it's unlikely to get better in terms of competion within a team etc.

Hard without knowing what it is, but it sounds as though ds wants to carry on, and in your shoes I'd be led by him I think smile

guerillastyle Sun 05-Mar-17 14:33:13

The teams are split by school intake year so he is in P7 boys. That's fixed as far as I can tell. Not sure he'd like to be in the P6 team. I think he might be happy to train but not compete but I'm not sure if that's an option/worthwhile.
It's not a super mainstream sport so the next team is over ten miles away.

Sittinginthesun Sun 05-Mar-17 14:33:21

I was in a sort of similar position with ds1. In his case, he hit puberty and decided very suddenly that he wanted to quit and do another sport which he is great at.

I wouldn't every say to him that he isn't good, but just make sure he knows he can quit and try something new whenever he wants.

Also, is he year 6? If he starts secondary next year, a whole new range of clubs will open up to him.

guerillastyle Sun 05-Mar-17 14:36:57

Yes secondary after the summer so will have the chance to try a lot more.

birdsdestiny Sun 05-Mar-17 14:46:32

I think it depends what it is. If he isn't particularly skillful then who cares it's not the world cup. However if he is not trying then I think that is different as he is letting the team down. An experienced coach should know the difference between the two. If he is trying his best then that is all anyone can ask , if he is not trying then that is a different matter.

ScrapThatThen Sun 05-Mar-17 14:57:36

The coach's attitude to him could be a really good thing for his future participation in sport - and his loyalty and perseverance is good. I think sometimes kids this age don't realise other people can see when they are not engaged/trying. I had to remind dd a few times that it would be better to come off and take 5 minutes out than look so obviously moody and lacklustre on the pitch (and this would actually be better for her coach and team). Now she knows to plaster a smile on her face and give herself a stern talking to when its not going well. You could start suggesting the end of year 6 is a natural end point (or sooner if he wants) and plant the seeds for trying xyz at secondary. Make sure he has a good ending with the coach - to give and receive some nice feedback and a card.

guerillastyle Sun 05-Mar-17 16:37:43

Thanks for replies. To my surprise DH and DS called into sports shop on way home and bought stuff to play/practise at home. Good ol' DH. He said DS majorly lacked confidence but was okay on the rare occasion he got involved. I said upstream DH was unsporty and wouldn't do this but seems I've underestimated him.
Looks like DS will continue to play in the short term at least.

lljkk Sun 05-Mar-17 17:29:34

Competitive sports suited to certain types of kids:
Small &/or strong: judo
fast reflexes, fast thinking: footie, hockey, karate, squash/tennis
Think first, act .. some time later: archery, horse-riding, climbing
Fearless: gymnastics, trampolening, BMX
relentless: cycling (cyclo-X), running

lljkk Sun 05-Mar-17 17:30:03

oops, missed update! I admire his determination, for sure.

guerillastyle Sun 05-Mar-17 20:01:32

The sport he plays relies on fast reflexes which is where he is lacking. He's got good stamina and is pretty strong. He'll go for a run and likes all the hiking he does with Scouts.
One thing we have local to us is a rowing club which they can start at twelve. Judo is one I haven't considered and would def be worth a try.

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