Difficult FIL(3 Posts)
First time poster please be gentle.
Been with DP for 3 years. No kids together but have DS who considers DP step dad.
I really try my best to make this relationship work and I do love DP. He tries too but certain things make me think it won't work.
When we first got together DPs friends took offence to him supposedly spending more time with me than them. I suspect they also didn't like that I had a child but that was never said to my face although they did insult my child and my parenting despite never meeting my DS. DP took a long time to realise that not saying anything to them when they bullied and insulted me/my son to him/to me in front of him he made me feel as though he either agreed or just didn't care about my feelings.
Things have moved on since then and improved a lot and we usually get on really well but DPs dad is extremely difficult. He lives a long drive away and we've always tried to help him but he's very disrespectful towards me. He seems to insist on telling his son in front of me that I am replaceable and he should only look out for himself.
Last night he called up on my phone to speak to him regarding trying to get DP to drive somewhere late at night to help someone out. DP clearly didn't want to/didn't think he could help. I made a few suggestions and FIL shouted "tell her to fucking shut up!"
DP said nothing and carried on the conversation and said he couldn't do much to help.
FIL questioned why and I got the feeling he felt it was me telling DP not to help when I would have been happy for either of us to help despite us both needing to be up early the next day. I decided not to get involved further though due to the nasty shouting regarding me and now I feel as though I can't really continue with this.
I've been in relationships before where a parent dislikes the partner (my own parents not liking my then boyfriend or my ex mil hating my guts) and I feel that it never works out when it's your parent unless you're willing to cut them out.
I can't ask DP to cut him out and I doubt his dad would listen if he told him how offensive he is/has been.
Part of me thinks that seeing as his dad has taken such a stance with our relationship that it's not going to get better and probably build resentment.
I don't want to be around his dad. I know that will cause issues.
I've said nothing to DP so far but I have been upset all night and morning over this because I am worried that it will end the relationship.
I'm also fed up with people judging me based on my child. They assume I'm on benefits and only with my DP for money. everyone likes to make comments and give their opinion on whether or not we should be together and how our relationship would be and to be honest I'm fed up with there being so many people who insist this matters at all. I don't understand why they can't allow two consenting adults to make decisions for their own relationship
I hope you don't visit him? Tell your dp he is welcome to continue his relationship with his df as ob it's not your business /place to say different but you will be leaving the room during phone calls and won't be having anything at all to do with him. .
I dont feel like I should have to leave the room during phone calls to be honest. I do feel that me refusing to see his dad will cause issues but I think I have to see how it goes. I don't think it will work from experience but I definitely cannot allow constant disrespect towards myself and my son. i just won't be engaging any more and I am definitely not going to be visiting again.
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