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How do I turn this down?

(23 Posts)
HoobleDooble Mon 20-Feb-17 22:46:55

I've been invited out with a group of friends, we don't see each other very often, but get on well and we usually have a great time when we get together. The issue is, the event is one of those 'ladies evenings' at a local restaurant, with 'butlers in the buff'. I can't stand this sort of thing and think they wouldn't be so keen if it was their DHs going out to be served by topless young women. How do I get out of this without unintentionally insulting them?

Catzpyjamas Mon 20-Feb-17 22:49:11

Aren't you busy that night?
Or just be honest and thank them for the invitation but sorry, it's not your kind of thing.

ferriswheel Mon 20-Feb-17 22:50:17

That would have been great but I've just realised I've bla bla bla...hopefully catch you next time. Have fun.

And then definitely don't be persuaded to go.

HerOtherHalf Mon 20-Feb-17 22:50:35

Just be honest and say it's not your cup of tea.

hoddtastic Mon 20-Feb-17 22:50:48

i always say that i am a joyless harridan and would hate anything like that but knock yourselves out and i'll catch you another time. I do this if it's a movie or a show I don't want to see or a restaurant I don't fancy too.

HerOtherHalf Mon 20-Feb-17 22:52:37

Can't think of anything more off putting than having someone's bare arse a few feet from my face when tucking into my sticky toffee pudding tbh.

Wolfiefan Mon 20-Feb-17 22:53:23

You say that'd put you right off your food. Pubic hair in the soup anyone?
You'll go next time. If the waiters have actual clothing between their meat and two veg and your plate full! grin

HoobleDooble Mon 20-Feb-17 22:55:14

I think I'm going to just be honest and say I don't like that sort of thing. If I lie and say I'm busy, I'm bound to forget and drop myself in it. I think they'll probably be shocked as I'm the loudest, crudest and most unladylike out of us all, so they probably think it's something I'd enjoy!

GreyStars Mon 20-Feb-17 22:55:46

Just tell them the truth, I can't think of anything worse personally and feel it would be disrespectful to my partner.

For me I would just say:

Sorry It's just not my cup of tea, but hope you all have fun. Very much like to join you on the next night out.

And if pushed, I'd tell them that as it would be a deal breaker for me if my partner went to something like that with half naked women it would be hypocritical of me to do the same.

If other people are ok with that in their relationships then fair play to them, but I'm not and I don't think DP would be either so I just wouldn't go.

MrsHathaway Mon 20-Feb-17 22:56:53

"Oh no, I'd be so embarrassed. You go, and tell me all about it afterwards."

It sounds hideous tbf.

BrownEyedLady Mon 20-Feb-17 22:57:25

You'll probably just be with your friends most of the night with the occasional (cringy) interruption from the nearly-nude waiters. Depends how high your cringe threshold is versus how much you want a night out with your mates.

Dontlaugh Mon 20-Feb-17 22:58:31

Don't you have to go to a funeral that day?

HoobleDooble Mon 20-Feb-17 22:58:50

Going to copy and paste her other half into my reply gringrin

BackforGood Mon 20-Feb-17 23:01:04

I'd be honest too. Just say that it's really not my cup of tea but hope those who went had a good time and I'd see them at the next 'do'.

HoobleDooble Mon 20-Feb-17 23:02:40

It definitely not a case of me being embarrassed, just find it disrespectful to my DH. Plus, we're all in our 40s and these men will be approximately my DS's age. Kind of feels wrong to be shrieking and cackling at them.

normastits5 Mon 20-Feb-17 23:07:29

Yep I'm with you op , cringeville

MrsHathaway Mon 20-Feb-17 23:11:19

Embarrassed at them, I meant. Cackling and leering, when you're averting your eyes and wishing yourself miles away.

CondensedMilkSarnies Mon 20-Feb-17 23:11:29

Yes just tell the truth, it's easier in the long run. I'm now in my early 50's and have decided I'm now mature enough to not do anything I don't want to. As a result I 'came out' to my wine buff friend that i can't drink expensive wine any more- I don't care if it's Chateau Twat du Pip and cost £50 a bottle , I don't like it. She now makes sure she's got a stock of Cheapo Liebfraumilch for when I visit grin.

I'm with you Op - I wouldn't like my other half to go to an evening like this so I wouldn't go myself.

AnyFucker Mon 20-Feb-17 23:14:18

I have been in this situation a couple of times

My H going to a strip club would be a deal breaker for, so I do not partake in the sex industry myself

I just say "not my thing, thanks all the same"

AnyFucker Mon 20-Feb-17 23:14:47

For me

HoobleDooble Tue 21-Feb-17 16:15:58

Thanks for the replies everyone. I went for honesty and just answered "not my kind of thing, but would love to go on a 'normal' night", and got the response of "When are you free?". Sorted! smile

Catzpyjamas Tue 21-Feb-17 17:48:17

Perfect. Honesty was definitely the best policy. smile

AnyFucker Tue 21-Feb-17 17:49:54

Always best to go for the direct and honest approach

Telling even white lies gets you into ever escalating pickles

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