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Should I leave or stick it out?

(5 Posts)
Bessieart Sun 12-Feb-17 19:47:27

I will try and explain as simply as I can as it's a long story! My husband and I met when we were 19 and started dating - very quickly went down hill and I discovered he was having an affair - I faught for him for my own self esteem but then realised I was so unhappy and was ready to move on - I then discovered I was pregnant and had to face the biggest decision of my life so far. I decided to keep the baby and he eventually said he would stick by me - since then he has turned into the most wonderful father and husband I have no complains about him he's supportive and gives everything 110% I trust him completely and he has really proved him self. We went on to have another baby and get married. Now our children are 6 and 3 and I am feeling trapped, suffocated and like I want to run away from it all. I've never really felt the connection between us like I did with my first love who I have never really let go of... I realise many people feel like this and I don't know if it's just that I am suffering with anxiety and depression which may be distorting my feelings. I long to fancy him and to love him like he loves me but I can't seem to. I don't want to sleep with him yet I find my self having an urge to sleep with other people. I feel stuck and can't bare the thought of breaking up the family home and doing that to my children. (I am an only child and my parents split up a year ago and my dads had another baby with his new partner etc etc etc I have a lot going on which explaines why I am unable to cope at the moment) just wondered if anyone had any advice?

MommaGee Tue 14-Feb-17 01:16:54

If you think you're suffering depression etc I'd speak to your GP. Are you struggling with by other aspect of your life?

Have you previously felt attracted to him?

Remember your ex is an ex for a reason

Bessieart Tue 14-Feb-17 10:54:58

I'm having councelling for the way I'm feeling and all the things happening like my mum and dad etc... and I agree I'm not in a great place, I'm also taking anti depressants which probably need increasing.

You are right I know deep down he's not right for me because I wanted him to be something he wasn't (something I have) but I just miss what I felt for him. Thank you for posting

Not really but maybe that's because the excitement goes after a while?

MommaGee Tue 14-Feb-17 11:11:34

I think you have to work harder for it after a while, and two kids. Then yput parents splitting will shake your whole world view.
For now of sort the meds, stick tp the counselling and talk tp DH aboit what you can do object some fun. Can someone have the kids overnight and book a hotel? Movie, dinner, a whole night without kids - time to talk and reconnect.
Do you get Mich time on your own? Does he pull his weight with the kids etc?

Bessieart Tue 14-Feb-17 15:55:50

Yeah it defiantly has.

We are really trying been away for the weekend, dates etc... he's doing everything he can and supporting me.
I get some time on my own and he's great with the kids he I can't complain or ask any more from him. Just to feel the connection and love would be perfect. I know there is no perfect but I just know I'm unhappy and I've been distracted by the children and out things to the back of my mind but deep down I feel like I've never connected deeply with him and my priority was to create a stable home for the children which we have done successfully. However we do have the same views on a lot of things... wish my head wasn't so messed up. I almost think a trial separation would be good but it's hard with children and I don't know where I would go, I am financially dependant on him. Maybe I need a new job or focus!

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