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Sisters abusive partner - what can I do?

(5 Posts)
MummyBoo22 Wed 25-Jan-17 22:21:27

My sister has been in a long term relationship with a man who we have recently discovered is being emotionally and mentally abusive towards her. He has never hit her but the extent of his bullying and abuse on her confidence is staggering.
This all came out when she discovered he had cheated on her. They seperated for a short period (during which she broke down and revealed the extent of mental abuse/ bullying she has been subjected to for several years).
We - her family - offered advice, guidance, help in a very gentle and supportive way however she completely turned on us and seemed to take all her anger for him, out on us. She is now back together with him and talking about starting a family.
I am totally distraught. She says he has "changed" but I know for a fact he is still cheating on her. She does not believe me and the more I try to tell her/ talk to her the more she withdraws from me. I don't want to risk pushing her away altogether.
I can also tell by her general demeanour, weight, complexion etc that he is still bullying/ abusing her - she is very nervous and constantly on the verge of tears.
I am desperate to help her - she is being abused but will not admit it or accept help/ advice from anyone.
The thought of her having children with this abusive bully leaves me utterly heartbroken.
What can I do??

mrsaugust16 Wed 25-Jan-17 22:53:20

There's nothing you can do, she has to realise for herself.
I'm In a similar situation and it's horrible but all you can do is be there for her, the more you pull her away the more he will fill her head with rubbish and more emotional abuse.
It's a shitty position to be in flowers

mrsaugust16 Thu 26-Jan-17 09:41:10


MummyBoo22 Thu 26-Jan-17 12:08:20

Oh gosh - I'm sorry. Sending you virtual love. It's just awful isn't it? and it's tearing my family apart. We have always been very close and I can't believe someone like him is breaking us up and destroying my sisters life.
I just hope she sees the light before kids are bought into the equation.

LauraJ17 Mon 06-Feb-17 22:15:14

I can totally feel what your sister is going through. One moment he will be nice as pie and so charming then the next she will say something and he will flip saying she is the one causing the problems etc. But as the lady above says she's right she has to work it out one day he will go to far and she will know when she has had enough. He can bribe and be a horrible evil man all he wants and she will have strength to be on her own. I think sometimes the man when they are like that are so manipulative and you constantly look for excuses for them. It's draining but just be there for her so she doesn't feel alone. My friend walked away from me when I chose to go back and I feel so alone if we argue if anything I feel more stuck with him because of it x

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