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Nothing for birthday again.

(64 Posts)
charmers2501 Tue 24-Jan-17 16:39:12

Been with my other half for 6 years, have a 3 year old daughter. Every christmas and every birthday is the same. I get the I've got no money so I don't get a card let alone anything else. It really hurts. It's my birthday tomorrow and I've been told the usual today. No money. Just because I didn't want to wake up again with no card from my daughter I gave him a tenner and asked him to get me a card from her, (no change hence the tenner). I'd be happy with home made but he wont do that. I feel really unappreciated. I manage to make sure I save up hard as it is for his birthday, christmas etc. He gets his money but just wastes it. When I say anything or dare to get upset he says I'm ruining the day (that was christmas). I bought my own christmas presents from my daughter to me, wouldn't have bothered but shed ask why I didn't have a present. 😐

Andbabymakesthree Tue 24-Jan-17 16:41:28

Honestly I'd be reconsidering the relationship. I've no time for money wasters let alone someone who can't rustle up a quid and take the time to get you a card.

NickyEds Tue 24-Jan-17 16:42:46

What would I do? Leave.

Stormtreader Tue 24-Jan-17 16:43:13

Why do you save hard for his birthday when you know he wont for yours?

SalemsCat Tue 24-Jan-17 16:44:07


SaorAlbaGuBrath Tue 24-Jan-17 16:44:58

A card isn't expensive, it's the thought that counts so I see why you're upset. We often don't buy each other gifts if things are tight but always do a card, always.
It's about the effort you put in and the complete indifference you're getting back. Is he like this with other areas of your relationship? Because it's not fair on you at all.

Ilovecaindingle Tue 24-Jan-17 16:45:41

Save hard for a new life instead. .

kittybiscuits Tue 24-Jan-17 16:46:06

I'd leave and find someone who appreciates you

Underthemoonlight Tue 24-Jan-17 16:48:09

He can't manage a 59p card from the card factory

NashvilleQueen Tue 24-Jan-17 16:50:48

You can tell yourself that these things don't matter or that you're being silly about your birthday. You are not. He doesn't care enough to make an effort for you. I would be ending this relationship. Find someone who treats you with care and love.

bloodyteenagers Tue 24-Jan-17 16:51:16

You have a few options

Continue living with this crap for the rest of your life.

Stop spending any money on his gifts. Good enough for you good enough for him.

Leave.fond someone that cares

LiveLifeWithPassion Tue 24-Jan-17 16:51:29

Don't bother with his birthday!

Get your dd to make a card for you and make a cake with her.
I know it's not the same but it's more about your dd knowing you're worth bothering about on your birthday. Your partner isn't going to bother.
Your partner is a disgrace. He knows it means a lot to you and he can't even pay £1 for a card or a few £'s for Xmas presents? While he gets gifts?

Can you go out somewhere? See family or friends?

expatinscotland Tue 24-Jan-17 16:52:05

Why are you wasting your time with this nobber? And giving him money? He's a loser. Stop saving hard to buy him shit. And dump him.

SheldonsSpot Tue 24-Jan-17 16:54:08

Why are you saving hard and buying him birthday and christmas cards and gifts? Stop being such a martyr.

Why are you with such a loser?

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Tue 24-Jan-17 16:54:16

Does he have money? Unless he's in a situation where every £ of his wage goes out on household bills, direct debits etc. and he literally has nothing left for himself whatsoever then he is behaving like an absolute cunt. Whilst lacking the depth and warmth.

OK, so he doesn't want to help DD make you a card (not too difficult surely) hmm, but how much does a birthday card cost in Card Factory? 29p upwards!

Would you be happy with a very cheap card? Would you complain about being given a Card Factory offering? If not, he has literally no excuse does he?

flowers birthday flowers from me.

expatinscotland Tue 24-Jan-17 16:56:54

He has the tenner the OP gave him to buy her a card.

LiveLifeWithPassion Tue 24-Jan-17 16:58:04

I wonder if he gives her the change?

FinnegansCake Tue 24-Jan-17 17:18:56

My grandfather did that. For fifty years he opened his presents at Christmas and on his birthday with a big smile, and never once bought anything for my grandmother. When his children were old enough to ask why he never gave DGM anything, his reply was always "She knows where the money is, she can get herself what she wants". He never bought anyone a gift in his life AFAIK, and never lifted a finger to help my grandmother even when she was ill and dying. Selfish through and through.

Does your DH have any redeeming qualities or is he self-centred in every way? I would certainly stop buying any gifts for him, and think very hard about the relationship. Is it worth saving?

YouHadMeAtCake Tue 24-Jan-17 17:46:43

Leave him, he sounds dreadful.

TataEs Tue 24-Jan-17 18:48:39

either leave. or accept the situation and don't buy for him either.

Garnethair Tue 24-Jan-17 18:55:07

OP, you say 'he gets his money but just wastes it'. Does he not work?

gluteustothemaximus Tue 24-Jan-17 19:05:29

We were v v broke last year but DH helped kids make cards and pictures, DD built a lovely lego creation and wrapped it, and we went out for a meal using Tesco vouchers. It's not about money. It's about recognising your birth and celebrating, and teaching your children how to be thoughtful and celebrating with you.

Is he selfish in other areas OP?

Christmascrackedit Tue 24-Jan-17 19:23:41

Have you confronted him about this? Ask him if he expects presents from you. Will he be contributing to dds bda and Xmas presents?

Jamhandprints Tue 24-Jan-17 19:32:07

That's awful! Does he do anything else like take you out or breakfast in bed? If not can you take DD out for the day and sleep at your parents or something? And tell him how hurtful he's being.

thatdearoctopus Tue 24-Jan-17 19:37:10

So he has the money (that you gave him) and hasn't done anything with it (for you). And he knows it hurts you, but still can't be arsed.

He's telling you very plainly that he doesn't really give much of a shit what you want/need. Is that someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?

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