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What is happening to me?

(20 Posts)
GodKnowsWhat Fri 20-Jan-17 11:18:19

I don't really know where to post this. I'm not really sure what i'm looking for or how I solve it. I've had a massive sobbing session,

I'm 22, I have a good job in terms of pay, holidays and location. I just hate the job. I've tried to get other roles but don't get past interview stage or the roles I do get offered is exactly the same as what i'm doing now. I can't bare to be in this targeted, stressful and micromanagement type work. I've just had a huge sobbing session outside the office in my car. I couldn't breathe, I've given myself a migraine and I had to quickly pull over whilst driving because my eyes were filling up quicker than I could blink. Scraped my whole bumper in the mean time.

I'm constantly anxious and I don't know how to stop this feeling. It's not just work that causes this, i'm terrified my DP is going to leave me, i'm always worrying if he's happy enough. I feel like he deserves so much better. I am good to him, he treats me so well and reassures me daily but I know this will get tiresome eventually. We talk about mortgages and he's saving, but my credit rating is shocking so I can't even do that. I feel so useless.

The anxiousness is worse sometimes, I can't get off the toilet because my stomach literally empties anything that's in when this feeling is bad. I can't think, I can't concentrate. I don't want to go to the DR, I don't want to be signed off. I live month to month and simply cannot afford sick pay.

I've tried to look for a new job for seven months, recently went for an interview for my dream job and was the second candidate - I just knew I wouldn't be good enough but it still feels like a blow sad

It's the first time i've burst into tears randomly like that. I cannot carry on like this. I want to run away.

Has anyone felt similar? How do I deal with this? What even IS it? sad

Sorry to ramble.

Mumto2uk Sat 21-Jan-17 22:12:53

Didn't want to read and run. You poor thing carrying around all this worry and pressure. No wonder you are sobbing. Please pleade go and see your GP. You will feel so much better for it I promise you. You don't have to get signed off sick. They really might be able to help. I won't go into my story but I had something similar to you and put off going to see the GP for so long thinking it would just pass or o could manage it myself. After years of bouts and having an awful time, I build up the courage to go and it was the best thing I ever did. I am now on medication and feel like the 'old me' and can cope and think clearly again. I feel like I'm back to normal and wish I had got help earlier. Do not feel ashamed about seeking help. Don't suffer any longer feeling like this and feeling alone with your thoughts. Go and see your GP who can help. flowers Take care and please don't be so hard on yourself Xx

FuckDietCoke Sun 22-Jan-17 10:03:03

Thank you for your reply. I'm similar to you, it's been going on for years whilst gradually getting worse sad I'm terrified of taking that step to my GP, I'm worried she'll think I'm just being hormonal or something. Thank you flowers

QuiltedAloeVera Sun 22-Jan-17 10:11:50

If you're nervous about seeing your GP write down a list of symptoms that are bothering you and take it in with you.

I AM NOT A DOCTOR but it sounds a bit like stress/anxiety to me. These are real problems, don't be embarrassed to go to the GP.
In the mean time,
lay off any caffeine as that can make anxiety worse,
lay off alcohol because that can depress mood
Try a mindfulness app, Headspace do a free version that I hear good things about
Talk to your partner about how you're feeling

But see your GP flowers

ChuckSnowballs Sun 22-Jan-17 10:16:35

It is stress. Even me a hard nosed no bullshit taker aged 49 was signed off last year with extreme work related stress. I never went back after walking out. But I am in a position that means I can do that.

I had this many many years ago, used to drive through roadworks thinking how easy it would be to just drive into the oncoming traffic to end it all. I HATED my job with a passion and then moved away hoping that a different location would work [with the same company] and it got worse as I had no friends to talk to.

I didn't end it however and am very glad I didn't as IT DOES TURN AROUND.

You are already looking for other jobs. You came second which is fantastic. Think of it as a trial run, and ask them for feedback - I once came second for a job at a place [somewhere I was dreaming for working] and asked for feedback, got it and when I applied for their next vacancy I got it because I used the feedback in the second interview.

Please do not stop looking for other jobs. Get the feedback, use it. Tailor your CV and really get to grips with the job description and what they are looking for and sell yourself to them. It will come and you can get out and do something you love doing.

FuckDietCoke Sun 22-Jan-17 10:17:33

quilted it stems from being attacked by my ex boyfriend, that's where I pinpoint it starting a few days after. I assumed once I'd got over him/the attack it'd pass. This was two years ago almost. You're right about the caffeine, I used to have a redbull sometimes and I'd get that familiar dread that something bad was about to happen. This then kick started the anxiety all day! sad

FuckDietCoke Sun 22-Jan-17 10:19:40

chuck thank you for your kind words, I know it's only a matter of time before I get my lucky break in a new job and that keeps me going. I know I'm a good employee, I work hard and I'm eager to climb the ladder and add value to an organisation. I'm glad it got better for you.

Snugglepalace Sun 22-Jan-17 10:23:25

Yes it most definitely sounds like stress, it will affect everything physically as well as mentally. If you won't go to see your go (which really is the best option), try the Headspace app which is really good, just allows you to take 10 minutes out of your day to relax and get things to prospective. Also try something like rescue remedy. But if this feeling continues please go to the gp they can really help flowers

Thinkingofausername1 Mon 23-Jan-17 09:54:47

Hi sorry to hear how you are feeling. I've been feeling similar recently. Feeling very low to the point I have to go to bed and 😭. How is your sleeping pattern, mine is quite choppy and then I have to sleep in the day which doesn't help anxiety

FuckDietCoke Mon 23-Jan-17 10:05:02

thinkingofausername sorry to hear you feel this way too but reassuring to know i'm not alone. My sleeping patterns tend to be all over the place, i'll have good days where I sleep from 11ish - 6am and others where I wake up every hour. If I feel anxious all day it absolutely tires me out and i'll need a nap when I get home.

Have you been to a GP? X

Thinkingofausername1 Mon 23-Jan-17 10:58:31

Hi sorry to hear about your sleeping. I've been to gp on numerous occasions.ive had counselling and currently seeing a phycologist. I'm starting to wonder if I have bi polar;? because I'm so often having these low moods, that no matter what I try I can't get out of. literally people and family have got to a point where they are refusing to bother helping me. I think they think I'm a drama queen

notagiraffe Mon 23-Jan-17 11:15:45

Hi OP

A few years ago I read a book called Drive on how to help your children find self- motivation in life, and in one of the chapters she described a woman about your age in exactly your situation (true case history) - crying in the car and stressed out of her mind at the prospect of going into work.

What the author said surprised me. She reckons that twenty-somethings are pushed too quickly into work and having responsibilities and she suggested if any adult child ends up like this, recommend they ditch the job immediately and spend a bit of time looking around at the world, seeing what adventures they might like and how to have them - travelling cheaply, working in bars while you see the world etc, or volunteering. Maybe having a go at setting up your own business or trying to make a go of a career in the arts. She said, it's fine to fail. That's the time in life to take risks, experiment and fail, when no mortgage or child's future is riding on anything. I've always remembered it as it wasn't what I expected but it's good advice I think.

You're way too young to be locked into a routine job that makes you miserable. Can you take a career-free job - in a bar or cafe - while you work out what you'd like to do? Evening shifts give you freedom during the day to think and walk and journal - to get fit or go to exhibitions - to just work out what you want from life.

The woman described in the book went off and had fun for a few years and her anxiety vanished.

In my current job, I work with a lot of people your age and a bit older. They come into our office to work for a couple of months then as soon as they've earned enough they go off to Thailand or South America. They're some of the loveliest, happiest people I've ever met - using their twenties, while they are free, to do whatever they want.

Thinkingofausername1 Mon 23-Jan-17 11:43:07

That's a good idea op what @notagiraffe said about work 👍🏻

FuckDietCoke Mon 23-Jan-17 11:46:30

thinkingofausername My mother has bipolar, she struggles to sleep and cannot get herself out of moods. How long do your episodes of happiness/sadness etc last?

notagiraffe Thank you so much for your kind advice - I started in my career at 17, my parents didn’t have a lot of money and I was eager to gain some financial independence. I now realise I should of stayed in college. I wish I stayed at college and got some decent qualifications behind me. I work in a pretty well paid job to say I don’t have any qualifications besides an NVQ, I have car finance, insurance and tax and I live with my partner who has a mortgage so we pay half of everything. I met an abusive ex when I was 18, we began to take drugs and one day he badly assaulted me, stole my credit cards/bank card and ran up a load of debt – I’m still paying this off.

I enjoy working, I have two career options I’d love but don’t have the funds to pay for the courses. I looked into it this September as I’m determined to get out this industry. I’m eager to build a stable career that I enjoy. I currently work in a targeted environment where, if numbers aren’t on the board you are out of a job with a weeks’ notice. I apply for my dream jobs, interview and seem to get nowhere. I recently asked for honest feedback from a HR Manager and she said ‘you did fantastically, you are lovely however we had to go with someone who has the exact experience’.

Every day I’m anxious I’m going to be sacked, I don’t have savings so I’m constantly worrying. It makes me heave and gives me diarrhoea, I can’t think and want to burst into tears every day. Yet to the outside world I’m so happy go lucky and confident.

Littleballerina Mon 23-Jan-17 11:46:49

The gp won't automatically sign you off work so go. You don't have to take on board anything that they say but it may be helpful.
Sounds like your having an awful time and have got yourself stuck.

FuckDietCoke Mon 23-Jan-17 12:47:50

I think i'm just terrified of the DR dismissing me and saying what I feel daily is normal and/or i'm being dramatic. It's so hard to describe it, so maybe writing them down is the best option.

That's exactly how I feel - stuck. Stuck in this job that makes me feel sick, stuck in debt, stuck in a career I hate :-(

Littleballerina Mon 23-Jan-17 13:20:46

From what you've said already I highly doubt that your doctor will dismiss you.
Are you eating and sleeping?

You may feel stuck now but this isn't forever. You just haven't found the right way out just yet. flowers

FuckDietCoke Mon 23-Jan-17 13:39:14

I eat healthily, but when the anxious feeling is bad my stomach literally empties as soon as anything is in it! (sorry tmi, I know!)

I do sleep, sometimes broken but sometimes quite well.

Thank you, lets hope I get out this rut soon flowers

notagiraffe Mon 23-Jan-17 21:50:41

DietCoke - you're really not as stuck as you think. Imagine if you had tiny DC who were dependent on you and all your income got eaten up by childcare. You have debts, but they can be sorted. I had debts at your age and just worked two jobs for about six months - a day job and then an evening shift in a restaurant. Food was free. I didn't go out, because I wa sat work. Lost loads of weight, charging around. And I put every penny of the second job into debt clearance. I still remember the first pay cheques I got which were 100% mine and not owed elsewhere. I felt rich beyond belief.
You are pretty young to have so many financial responsibilities, and clearly, they don't suit you right now. It's making you ill. You deserve a bit more fun and adventure. Can you focus this year on getting out of debt and then chat to your partner about some things you'd love to do with your lives and do some of them, together or apart?

FuckDietCoke Tue 24-Jan-17 07:31:50

notagiraffe I know there's worse off than me and i'm really glad that fortunately, I don't have children just yet. I did look into a second job in the evenings. However, i'm on call every night on my works mobile, if it rings it's my responsibility to answer it. I can't do that whilst working a second job. I'm trying to find a few hours a night on a Friday and Saturday. I rarely go out anymore once every three months if that.

DP is treating me to a all inclusive holiday in the Dominican Republic at the end of the year, he's paid for it, i'll just need to get some spending money which I have enough time to get together for a little. Thank you flowers

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