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Age gap - WWYD?

(12 Posts)
onemumtwocountries Thu 19-Jan-17 15:38:01

DS is 6 months old in February and I'm starting to think about DC2.

We have a family wedding abroad in September 2018. It's very close family so I'd hate to miss it. In an ideal world by September 2018 DC2 would be at least 3 months old to give me a chance to have recovered and so that (s)he isn't absolutely tiny. This is option 1 and would mean having an 18-22 month age gap with existing DS. Option 2 is we wait and start TTC in Spring/Summer 2018 so I'm not huge at the wedding and we have a 2.5 year age gap or more.

WWYD? Is 18 months too close? We're quite keen to have 2 close together but worry that DS will be too small to cope with a sibling.

Some details for context: I'm 36 this year, DH is fairly hands on and has a flexible job, my family is abroad but PILs are nearby and helpful, my job would allow for both options, and we're ok money wise I think. I had a fairly easy pregnancy and birth with DS.

Of course I realise that I might not get pregnant when I want to, but that's outside of my control.

WWYD? I'd welcome any opinion/personal experience.

Bibblewanda Thu 19-Jan-17 15:40:49

I wouldn't have two that close together if you paid me a million quid, I genuinely can't think of anything worse.

My ideal gap is 4/5 years. But you will get tonnes of Mnetters coming to tell you that gap is awful because they won't get on and it's harder to find things to entertain them, and their kids with a tiny age gap adore one another etc

It's swings and roundabouts at the end of the day and only you can really decide.

Giraffeseyelashes Thu 19-Jan-17 15:43:43

I would do it now. 18 months is a great gap. Your DC1 won't ever remember being a single child so the resentment factor is eliminated. They would have so much in common and be great playmates. 2.5 years is good too but when a mother is over 35, it's probably best to err on the side of early as you never know at which moment it is "too late" and a future pregnancy doesn't happen. I think the wedding is a moot point as you'd be able to go either way if you conceive relatively quickly.

FrankAndBeans Thu 19-Jan-17 15:45:18

I wouldn't do an 18 month gap, you can't give either your full attention.

Bibblewanda Thu 19-Jan-17 15:46:34

See what I mean grin

mistermagpie Thu 19-Jan-17 15:48:31

I'm pregnant with DC2 just now, when this baby arrives (all being well) DS will be 21 months. To me this is the perfect gap although it actually took about 6 months to get pregnant the second time so I would have happily had a smaller gap if things had worked quicker. There is 16 months between me and my older brother and about 18 between DH and his sister so i think this kind of gap is just the norm to us.

I would never have willingly chosed a 4-5 year gap so as the PP says, it's horses for courses really. I'm old as well though so didn't have luxury of waiting!

Pro's I think are that we are still in the 'nappy/bottle/dummy/sleep deprivation' stage so it won't be a massive shock to the system. They will hopefully have more in common with a smaller gap and it was just what I wanted.

Cons, the childcare costs will be crippling to be honest. I have only been back at work about 6 months from my first maternity leave so that's probably not great and the first year i expect to be very tough.

It's really only something you can decide, it's so personal.

steppemum Thu 19-Jan-17 15:49:42

YOu know what? It really doesn't matter. You go with whatever gap you have.
My SIL had 2 very close, not exactly planned. She always said how great it was that she was past the nappy stage and done with sleepless nights when her friends were all thinking about no.2, and advocates close age gaps.
But on the other hand she is very funny about how completely awful the baby years are.

Mine are 2.3 years and 2.8 months, and I enjoyed the baby years, and quite like them being a bit more spaced out.

My friend has 8 year old and 1 year old, and it is also lovely.

You may find that TTC doesn't go exactly to plan, so I would probably start, work out which 6 ish months you need to stop for so you can be sure of the wedding and see what happens. Especially as time is not on your side.

steppemum Thu 19-Jan-17 15:52:14

sorry, my GAPS are 2.3 and 2.8, I have 3 kids.

onemumtwocountries Thu 19-Jan-17 15:53:14

Thanks everyone. I agree, it's so personal. I like your approach Steppe. This would mean starting TTC as early as June/July this year - eek! Still breastfeeding and no periods yet so I'll have to see how that goes too.

mistermagpie Thu 19-Jan-17 15:55:21

I meant to also say - I really don't think you should plan massive life-changing things around somebody's wedding. Work out what you actually want to do and go from there. A wedding is one day, a baby is the rest of your life.

steppemum Thu 19-Jan-17 15:56:33

I EBF my 3 and I started to introduce food at around 6/7 months (which they took to, so 1-2 meals per day fairly quickly) and pretty much straight away my periods returned.

Bibblewanda Thu 19-Jan-17 15:57:50

Here are my (personal) reasons for wanting a large age gap

1) don't want two in nappies simultaneously
2) don't want two crap sleepers simultaneously
3) older one can be relatively independent - i.e. Entertain themselves while I make dinner, dress themselves etc
4) transporting two tiny ones is a pita
5) don't feel I could provide enough individual attention to two tiny ones
6) less potential for sibling rivalry
7) there are nearly 5 years between me and my sister, and 11 between me and my brother, and we are all extremely close, so I don't buy into the idea that larger age gaps don't get on or play together because we always did
8) I'm only 27

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