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WWYD - Mother in law

(4 Posts)
Laidbackmum0177 Wed 18-Jan-17 17:04:21

My MIL is a wealthy lady who lives in the Caribbean . She returns to the UK 2-3 times a year & we always get a duty visit for a night or 2 before she returns home & usually when she needs taking to the airport. She nevers calls despite having weekly FaceTime calls with the guy who manages her business in the UK. She has 4 children & my son, granddaughter and I are the only ones who live in the UK, the rest all live and work on the same island as MIL. We arrived on the island a couple of days ago and we normally stay with her but due to family circumstances she hasn't room and has put us in another house she owns. She didn't tell us in advance and I found out through the grapevine and asked direct. She didn't send us a Christmas card or mention anything to us about it or even discuss presents. So, on Christmas Day we didn't have anything from her and no FaceTime call - I was pretty annoyed as she had the rest of the family there for the day. There has been no mention of presents despite the fact we usually take hers with us and she hasn't asked what my daughter who is 2 years and almost 8 months needs or would like. She doesn't know her or see her so I would expect her to ask as I would in the same situation. When we arrived here it was late and we were tired. I have seen she has left a bag by the chair with what appears to be gifts in it. They are not wrapped and consists of the following: a skirt presumably for my daughter, a toy, an electric toothbrush and a picture frame. I assume the toothbrush is for her son who has an electric one already, the picture frame presumably for me and the other 2 for my daughter. I probably sound ungrateful but how do I deal with this? We know she treats the others differently and she told my Mum in an email that the other grandchildren had lots of presents and we know from past that the other children and in laws also get nice & expensive presents whilst we get tat. I'm insulted by them to be honest as I'm from a middle class family who has always had nice gifts from my parents as does my other half. I'm even more annoyed that she hasn't even wrapped them and this is for a 2yr old - help! I feel like ignoring them as we haven't been given them and don't want to take a crap picture frame home with me. All advice great.y received. TIA x

hesterton Wed 18-Jan-17 17:08:51

Tell her someone has left a bag of rubbish in the house, and ask if it's ok to put it in the bin.

Seriously, the present thing is only a symptom. Encourage your dp to talk to her about any issues s/he has. Otherwise, I think you have to make the most of it and enjoy your holiday.

Laidbackmum0177 Thu 19-Jan-17 00:26:40

I think the biggest issue is that she sent her eldest 2 to boarding school in the U.K. (She herself went to boarding school from the age of 4), but split up with their father and couldn't afford to send the youngest 2 at that time. Dad returned to the UK and had the eldest 2 live with him & she remained in the Caribbean with the youngest 2. I think it drove a wedge between them as she clearly didn't fight for the eldest 2 & they both feel abandoned.

jemmstar1980 Thu 19-Jan-17 23:37:29

i agree I don't think it the fact she hasn't wrapped your presents that is the issue. Regarding the presents I'd just ignore them if there is no label or indication that they are for you - if I was brave I'd use the line someone has left a bag of rubbish in the house as that made me laugh!!

Enjoy your holiday as to be honest this isn't going to be resolved over night.

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