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DH wants no more children, I'm desperate for more

(11 Posts)
Mummyhug Wed 18-Jan-17 01:07:31

DH and I have two beautiful DD's and we both love them more than words can explain.
We've been married two years but together for eight and it never hit me before now how serious he was when he said he only wanted two children. I always assumed that these things were negotiable in a marriage and we had discussed before DD2 that we might try one more time for a boy if DC2 turned out to be a girl.
I think I've clung onto the hope that we might have just one more baby but he is now absolutely adamant that we are not having any more children.
I'm absolutely heartbroken.
I know I should be happy with the family I have, I am very appreciative and I'm very aware that we already have what a lot of couples can't have but I can't help these feelings of being incomplete.
I'm on the coil but DH has been talking about getting the snip and on the other side of things I'm secretly wishing that my contraceptive would fail. I know that's a horrible thing to wish.
Every time I hold my children in my arms I cry just thinking that I will never go through all of this ever again sad

Doolallylally Wed 18-Jan-17 01:34:55

It's a joint decision and you both have an equal say. I don't think it's right that he appears to think he has the casting vote. I think you should tell him exactly how you feel. I wanted another after two DS and DH didn't but we had another DS. Three was plenty for me and the yearning stopped despite having all boys. Good luck.

7SunshineSeven7 Wed 18-Jan-17 01:51:25

He informed you in advance that he only wanted 2 children. You chose to stay with him and marry him knowing this. Its not fair for you to manipulate anything to have more.

If you wanted more you either should have left or just accept it. Talk like adults - if he still doesn't want them get out or get a cat.

katand2kits Wed 18-Jan-17 02:02:38

Of course he has the casting vote! Surely it is wrong to coerce someone into having children they don't want? I think you just have to come to terms with it, accept his right to choose how to use his sperm, and learn to be happy with what you already have.

7SunshineSeven7 Wed 18-Jan-17 02:09:55

Also if you have sex with someone and lie about your contraception (not saying you have, just incase you're thinking about it). That would be rape by deception.

www.cps.gov.uk/legal/p_to_r/rape_and_sexual_offences/consent/

''she would only consent to sexual intercourse if Mr Assange used a condom, then there would be no consent if, without her consent, he did not use a condom, or removed or tore the condom ..... His conduct in having sexual intercourse without a condom in circumstances where she had made clear she would only have sexual intercourse if he used a condom would therefore amount to an offence under the Sexual Offences Act 2003...."''

This would also apply in the oppsite i.e a woman lying about contraception to a man.

Mummyhug Wed 18-Jan-17 07:53:39

Oh dear lord no I would never trick him into having another baby, I hope that's not where you all think I was heading with this confused
You are right, I have known that he has ideally wanted two children for a long time but on the other hand he's also known since the very beginning that I'm very maternal and always wanted a big family.
It's not a deal breaker, it's not worth divorce over and I love him very much. I just don't know how to get over this. I don't want to resent him

gamerchick Wed 18-Jan-17 08:02:33

Divorce him later on and find someone else to have another baby with? Resentment has a way of eating away at things.

Maybe you need a heart to heart with your husband to put this to bed.

HelenDenver Wed 18-Jan-17 08:11:15

"This would also apply in the oppsite i.e a woman lying about contraception to a man."

I think you are incorrect. The Assange case was about condom use as a condition of consent, not lying about contraception per se (it would still have been rape if the woman was on the pill but using the condom against STIs, it would not have been rape if Assange lied about having had a vasectomy)

HelenDenver Wed 18-Jan-17 08:20:52

A good heart to heart would help, for sure.

whattheseithakasmean Wed 18-Jan-17 08:32:01

I think you'll be amazed how you will move on from this as you get away from the young children stage and your life grows and develops in other directions. I wanted 'just one more', DH didn't. In the end I got a baby animal instead grin

Years later our children are nearly through school, my career has got going again. we have more money & have reached the stage of going away as a couple for weekends. My DH was right, no regrets.

I think when you are surrounded by the kiddy stage it seems more important, as you move beyond that you wonder what the hell you were thinking grin

MorrisZapp Wed 18-Jan-17 08:35:51

The person who doesn't want a baby always gets the casting vote. How could they not? The default is that adults in civilised countries don't have babies until they make a positive choice to do so. If there's no positive choice, there should be no baby.

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