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can't imagine loving another child as much as first

(22 Posts)
MrsMozza Fri 13-Jan-17 10:02:54

Not sure if it's healthy but husband and I are so in love with our two year old girl, and although always wanted two children, we are struggling to want another one in case we don't love it as much. I hear this is quite common but I'm hoping for some inspiring advice to entice us to 'crack on'!

Rubyslippers7780 Fri 13-Jan-17 10:05:47

We felt the same. I was worried the eldest would suffer, the dynamic would change and there was no way I could love another as much. But the love doubles. It is incredible how much I love both dcs. The first 6 weeks were hard - feeding and trying to get into a routine etc but totally worth it and amazing.

AllTheBabies Fri 13-Jan-17 10:09:14

Oh but you will. Every parent feels the same I think. We are all so in love with our children!

I was a single mum to my dd1 for years before I met dp and had dd2. She was literally my whole world and I was so worried I wouldn't love dd2 as much then along came this tiny little thing that is like the sunshine. Dd1 and I both fell utterly head over heels and I can safely say I don't love either more than the other.

Now of course I'm worrying about how dc3 due in the summer will possibly fit in grin

3luckystars Fri 13-Jan-17 10:20:31

A lot of people feel like that, I did but it was different. Like if you love ice-cream and chips, they are totallly different but both gorgeous but they both have different places in my heart.

My fathers best friend told me that your heart grows bigger to accommodate a second child, so not to worry about not having enough.

To my surprise, I found I loved my first even more when our second arrived, because I was so grateful to him for teaching me to be a mother.

Good luck with your decision, do whatever feels right for your family.

MuseumOfCurry Fri 13-Jan-17 10:21:54

Completely normal.

I had a little cry the night before I had my second (planned C-section) because I felt so guilty about what I was about to do to my oldest. Everyone blends together very quickly after the new baby is born, and forgets about life before.

Good luck.

Aderyn2016 Fri 13-Jan-17 10:25:15

Love is not a finite thing - the more people you have in your life to love, the more your love expands, to include them.
It really is hard when you have one child, to imagine loving another person as much as you love that one, but you honestly do. I was nervous about this when I had dc 2 but it truly wasn't a problem. I now have 4 and love them all equally.

Manumission Fri 13-Jan-17 10:27:29

It's normal. The only way you'll see for yourself how the magic happens twice is to get on with it smile

Lapinlapin Fri 13-Jan-17 10:28:44

I felt like this - although not enough to stop me still wanting a second. I just couldn't believe I could love another as much as my first. But I do. I adore them both and can honestly say I don't have a favourite.

The most wonderful thing is seeing them play together, or giving each other kisses and hugs ( when they're not fighting that is! grin) it makes my heart melt.

cookieswirls Fri 13-Jan-17 10:31:47

Google 'loving two poem' it sets me off every time but it's very true smile

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Fri 13-Jan-17 10:37:07

Beautifully put Aderyn

Jenijena Fri 13-Jan-17 10:38:21

Completely get this, and I'll admit it took a few weeks but now (4.5yrs and 9 months) the love is just the same.

ShelaghTurner Fri 13-Jan-17 10:42:41

Totally like ice cream and chips. This is weird to admit but I sometimes look at my two and think, if I had to choose a favourite... yes it would be dd1 as she's growing up and interesting and clever and funny and my firstborn but oh, dd2 is so deliciously cute and crazy and funny and squishy...

They don't share the place in my heart, they each have their own places and I adore them both. Except for really unusual cases, nature takes care of all that. Otherwise we wouldn't ever have multiple children.

babyblabber Fri 13-Jan-17 10:46:45

There's some saying about growing a new heart for each baby which is so true. It's unimaginable that you could ever love anyone as much as the child you have but you will.

I'm not one to burst into tears upon seeing my baby for the first time but I fall head over heels over the first couple of days. So much so that while I was going through that and falling so madly in love with DC3 I told DH that it was so amazing I definitely didn't want that to be the last time. Due DC4 in a few weeks!

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads Fri 13-Jan-17 10:54:32

I remember feeling like this.

There's a really corny phrase I once heard - babies bring their own love.

ElspethFlashman Fri 13-Jan-17 11:02:23

I was really worried about this.

But what you're not taking into account is how fascinating the new one will be. "Look! She's trying to hold my finger!"

And it's just as wondrous as the first time.

I agree it actually made me even more mushy about my first. He was just so happy to have the new baby and it was quite emotional to see him like that.

BakingWithPreSchoolerand6YO Fri 13-Jan-17 11:07:09

Totally normal. DD2 was planned but when I got the BFP my first thought was "oh fuck" and worry about what we'd done to DD1 who would be just turned 2 when new baby arrived.

Carried on worrying during pregnancy, but loved feeling baby move and DD1's response - whispering secrets to baby, cuddling my tummy.

At 8 months I had reduced movement. Had to go to hospital for scan. So worried and guilty that I hadn't realised earlier that I loved new baby so much - just like DD1. Little bugger moved as soon as gel went on stomach for the scan!

When DD2 finally arrived it was like my heart expanded - she had her own place there equal to DD1. My love had doubled to accommodate her, not halved. Then watching DD1's face as she fell in love at first sight with her sister was the best moment in my life.

Years later, they love each other and my favourite sound is them giggling together. That lasts five minutes until they fling into their next argument!

MrsBlennerhassett Fri 13-Jan-17 11:11:32

I feel like this! Very worried about having a second.
I do think you cant understand it until youve done it tho because i was worried about loving my first! I heard all the people saying that i just would and it would be intense and i thought 'thats bollocks it wont happen to me'
But it did happen and its unlike any love ive ever know in its strength.
So even tho i do feel worried that i couldnt possibly love a second as much i am willing to believe other people now when they say that you just will!!

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Fri 13-Jan-17 11:15:35

I was worried about this when pregnant with dc2 and someone on here simply said 'the love doubles'. And it's true smile

Fontella Fri 13-Jan-17 11:22:55

Yep I remember walking the dog in the countryside at the back of our home, on a beautiful Summer's day, heavily pregnant with my 2nd, and my two year old son toddling along happily in front of me, and thinking 'it's never going to be the same' and feeling incredibly emotional.

He had been the light of my life, my little companion for two years ... and the baby in my belly was going to change all that

I needn't have worried. From the time she arrived, she was adored, by her parents and especially by her older brother. As they grew together he had a friend, playmate and companion and both children, although different were loved equally and still are.

Now young adults they are still the best of friends and in fact were out on the lash last night haha! They are both still at home (when not away at uni) and both bring me the greatest joy, in different ways.

I do however know of a couple, who chose not to have any further children because of thinking they couldn't love them as much as their first and only. They lavished all their love and attention on him and dare I say it, he grew up to be very spoiled. Before anyone jumps down my throat I'm not saying that applies to all only children of course - but in this of this couple it did. He was their little prince– expensive private school, the lot.

Now the son lives abroad and they don't see him from one year to the next.

FourKidsNotCrazyYet Fri 13-Jan-17 11:26:29

There are no limits on love. I said I'd not love another like our first, we absolutely doted on him. Then our daughter came along. Surely we wouldn't be there for her as much, not quite as close or completely obsessed by her? Oh but we are! They are without doubt the most perfect, brilliant people I've ever met. Surely I won't feel quite as strongly with the third? The feeling wears off or 'gets old'? Nope, oh my goodness number three is just the loveliest, quirkiest little bean ever!! And don't even get me started on number four. He's amazing. If we spend every second with him it would still not be enough! For us the more you have, the more you want. And seeing your older children completely captivated by their siblings is even more precious. We'd have more but I'm old! sad

MrsMozza Fri 13-Jan-17 15:00:15

You've all helped so much - thank you! I was so very moved reading all your responses. And yes, I think we'll be cracking on very soon. Thanks again x

Ilovecaindingle Fri 13-Jan-17 15:04:00

I love ds - baby 11- just as much as I loved dd baby 1!!

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