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Would you take back an ex?

(8 Posts)
BionicMercenary Wed 11-Jan-17 21:36:00

Think this is my first post so forgive me if its too much but i havent spoken to anyone about this before...
I have recently got back in contact with my sons dad but im unsure of my feelings...
We were young when we got together, 14 and 15, he was my first proper boyfriend and the only person i have ever felt truly comfortable with, everything in my opinion with us was fine and happy but he had issues at home and eneded up homeless at 16, i done all i could to help him get somewhere to live and he ended up in a hostel, things from there went downhill really... he mixed with the wrong people and got involved with drugs and the police. I ended up pregnant a few months after him being there but i still thought things were okay between us, he told me all the usual BS about wanting to be a good dad and be there for me blah blah bla... anyway he ended up getting kicked out of the hostel for breaching terms and went to stay with someone who he met while living there... well in the 9 months of me being pregnant i got himback in the hostel but had started hearing rumours that he was sleeping with basically anyone and he was getting wasted constantly, he was literally running away from me when i came to see him, which was heartbreaking for me, and i was so messed up in my head that i tried to kill myself several times... he never seemed to care about me when there was the opportunity to see anyone else but was all over me when there wasnt..
When the time came to give birth he wasnt there, he spent the night getting stoned as he was apaently told he wasnt allowed to stay overnight while i was in labour so he missed the birth and turned up at around 8am next morning... he got kicked out of the hostel again a few days later and stayed with me for a couple of weeks, i told him to go live with his mum to sort himself out and get clean... he agreed and went the opposite end of the country to stay with his mum but what i didnt know was he took his druggie friends with him too... i saw him 2 more times in the next 9 months and i had enough.. he admitted he had cheated, he apologised and begged my forgiveness but i just couldnt trust him and for my own sanity i cut him out of my life...
I have been having a difficult time with my son recently so after 5 years of nothing i contacted him for some family history and we got talking... he tells me he has changed and has been really supportive, he came to see his son and it was really emotional where he broke down about everything and saying all his regrets and whatnot... we have still been talking and its like how it was when it was good and i think i still have the same feelings for him but at the same time im still so angry and distrustful of him... he wants us to be together but i dont know if that is ever a good idea especially after what he put me through...
What would you do?

BionicMercenary Wed 11-Jan-17 21:36:49

Shoot.. that was longer than i thought haha... i feel better for writing it down though

00100001 Wed 11-Jan-17 21:44:03

Stay well clear.

MrsRedFly Thu 12-Jan-17 08:43:56

It's more important that he's a father to his son - not start a relationship

KenzieBoosMummy Thu 12-Jan-17 11:14:25

I'd want a hell of a lot longer than 5 years to have passed (including a year's worth of clear drugs tests) before I let him anywhere NEAR me. Or the child unsupervised. Would allow supervised contact obviously, until that point.
Stay well away from him. I would keep discussions solely regarding your son only and on a need to know basis.
Do NOT be suckered in by his sympathy plea.
You obviously don't need any of us to tell you that your child needs to come first xx 👩‍👦

BionicMercenary Thu 12-Jan-17 12:46:44

Yes my son comes first, i have never stopped him from contacting me because i believe a child should have both parents to communicate with. He lives 7 hours train journey away now so would never have unsupervised contact but my son has a lot of issues and needs me with him. Plus it costs him around £250 for train and bnb for one night so not likely he will be about often.. the thing is my head says no but heart says yes, i have had a couple of very brief relationships but i never felt comfortable with them how i did with him... head is mashed

00100001 Thu 12-Jan-17 16:06:57

This guy isn't interested in a relationship with you. He wants sex.

Tell him he's welcome to see his son, but you will not be in a relationship with him.

Only meet him at places he can't initiate anything - so public places like play centres and such. Keep him at arms length.

Delete the texts that pertain to relationships.
In fact block his number. And only allow him to contact you by email.

WatchingFromTheWings Thu 12-Jan-17 16:11:48

I got back with an ex after a 15 year gap but certainly not under those circumstances. You've no idea if he's changed or not. Help him develop a relationship with his son but I'd keep a close eye on that. As far as you and he are concerned I'd keep him at arms length.

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