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How can I tell her?

(5 Posts)
IEA Wed 11-Jan-17 10:42:17

Hi everyone, just a bit of a family dilemma that I could do with some advice for.

Firstly, let me say that I love my mum, she is a great mum however she's driving me mental at the moment! I feel like I spend way to much time with her & that I don't have much space or time on my own.

My main problem is this: there has been a new playgroup started in the next village along from mine. I take my DD there as she enjoys it & it's a good chance to meet other mums who are local (not many other nice groups in my area). I don't have too many friends tbh, as most live far away. The thing is......my mum has started coming along to this group as well.....every week. How do I tell her that for me, the whole point of going is to talk to other mums which obviously doesn't happen if I'm sat talking to my mum all the time. She did the same thing when I started doing buggy walks locally with DD as well. She would always come to. It's making me not want to go to these things anymore which is a shame for both me & DD.

My mum can also be a bit rude about the people there. Things like "oh look at that woman's hair", "oh there's that fat woman who lives round the corner from me" & she doesn't really keep her voice down when she says it as she has problems with her ears. It's really embarrassing & ive told her to keep her voice down & not be so rude confused

How do I tell her that I don't want her to come with me all the time without hurting her feelings? I don't want to get a reputation as "the woman who is always with her mum/ goes everywhere with her mum"

Thanks xxx

KenzieBoosMummy Thu 12-Jan-17 12:15:46

You have the opposite problem to me! My Mum won't come anywhere with us!

Sounds like she's lonely. Maybe find some kind of Coffee Morning for her that you suggest she goes to? Preferably one that is same day as Playgroup?!
Or
Tell her that some of the other Mum's there
have asked if you want to walk there with them and say that you have agreed, so does she mind if she skips this week? She may be really glad that you've met some friends. She may even only be coming because she believes you want her to?

If not then you're gonna have to just tell her! Unfortunately, telling her straight is going to hurt her feelings regardless of how you say it. However, it does need to be done.

Good luck! brewcake

crunched Thu 12-Jan-17 12:38:55

My MIL did this with her daughter. My SIL would always say " Don't know how you made friends at toddler groups/soft play/tune time etc. No one spoke to me,and Mum says the same". She didn't seem to realise that no one approached her because she had a companion stuck to her side!
It's great you can see this is an issue.

As Kenzie says, she must be at a bit of a loose end in her own life. Could she find a group that becomes 'hers' to go to with your DD? She makes her own friends and you get a few hours of 'me' time.

Cherrysoup Sat 14-Jan-17 22:34:56

In the interests of honesty and continued good relations be honest and tell he what you've said here. I don't agree that you should find her stuff to replace the toddle group. She's rude and loud about it, the other mums probably don't want to know her.

Hassled Sat 14-Jan-17 22:40:59

Sometimes people just need the bleeding obvious pointing out to them. Tell her you really want/need to make some friends of your own, and that won't happen if she's always at playgroup with you. You love her lots and will see her on Saturday (or whatever). Yes, she might be hurt and upset but she'll get over it - as long as you make it clear it's not about her, it's about you. Maybe really over-do the needing your own friends bit - did she have many friends when you were young? Can you say stuff about how you remember how great it was for her to have had Jean and Moira around when you were little and you'd love to have friends like that. Turn it into a concept she can understand, IYSWIM.

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