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Boss's comment on pregnancy

(9 Posts)
Pooky77 Sun 18-Dec-16 09:05:13

So at the Xmas party and I'm 7 months pregnant. I end up sitting for the meal with one of the partners at my firm (not my direct boss) other people ask me how long I'm taking off maternity leave and I answer. Boss says something along the lines of she's already left, which I take to imply that he thinks I've been slacking to which I reply I wish I had, as work has been non stop stress recently. Then I let it go. We somehow get into the subject of Trump and I say I saw a Facebook post about how Trump had said pregnancy was inconvenient for business, boss says I would say inconvenient doesn't go far enough I would say more disastrous. I don't really know what to say to this but others who heard say that it's probably not a comment you should make to a group of women. Boss tries to back track saying he was just talking about trump. I ignore him the rest of the evening. My wwyd is this has been niggling at me since Friday and now I'm pretty pissed off and feel like this partner and the partner I work for must have been making negative comments about me. Should I say something to my boss? I'm starting to feel like I don't want to go back to work for them now even though I love my job but am I just being overly sensitive? Sorry for the long ramble!

StealthPolarBear Sun 18-Dec-16 09:07:20

You are not being over sensitive he is an arse

Bluntness100 Sun 18-Dec-16 09:11:20

If this was one of the partners , I'm really unsure what you think your boss can do, what is the point of telling them? Do you want them to challenge the partner? Tell him he was out of line? Demand an apology for you? As long as they comply with the law about pregnancy that's all you can focus on, there is no law saying they have to be polite or not an arsehole about it.

The truth is maternity leave is difficult for some firms to manage, we might not like that but it is. They aren't sure when the woman is coming back, have to fill the position for an unspecified period, and it costs. It doesn't give him the right to be unpleasant about it though, but again, little can be done about it.

I'd look on the positive side which means they see you as an invaluable member of the team and are going to struggle with you on leave.

ChipIn Sun 18-Dec-16 09:12:19

That's completely inappropriate and such can archaic view. Do you have a hr department you could go to? I don't think I'd let that go so would probably speak to direct boss if no hr.

Pooky77 Sun 18-Dec-16 09:29:35

Thanks for your replies. I'm glad I'm not being too sensitive!

Bluntness I agree with a lot of what you said, I don't know what I expect out of saying anything. At best I'll get an apology but then things will be awkward. I am a senior staff member so I know I will be missed but in fairness they have known about my pregnancy from the start and know the exact date of my return and that I will return full time. I have rearranged all my work over the other senior staff and have made a planner of my responsibilities so that nothing gets missed. I couldn't have done anymore and I suppose I just feel hurt that it's still not enough!

We don't have an hr dept it's a small firm with 6 partners.

anotherdayanothersquabble Sun 18-Dec-16 10:04:43

Are there any partners who have an interest in family friendly or flexible working policies? Do they have any involvement in preferred employer / equal opportunity awards or organisations that champion these subjects? If not, I suspect any comments might be a waste of effort.

I am unclear from you post whether your boss or another partner made the.comments. If it was your boss, do arrange a meeting and said that you are concerned about his comments, how his beliefs impact his opinion towards you and your future career.

Point out that you have been no less productive / effective since you have become pregnant, you have made every effort to ensure your work is covered in your absence but appreciate it is difficult to recruit maternity cover at your level. In fact it sounds like they haven't filled your position during maternity leave which is crazy!

Reiterate your commitment to your job on your return. Being a woman in a world where men work long hours and see presence as an indication of performance is difficult.

He is probably already anticipating your next maternity leave and a succession of events where you need to leave work early to collect children from childcare, stay home with and ill child, have a few hours off for a show.

Does he have children? Who covered all of these things in his family? Who will be responsible for these things in your family?

Answers to these questions will inform the best response to his comments. If he has a stay at home wife, he may be unable to see how working parents can function. If you have a stay at home partner or one who will take at least 50% responsibility for supporting the family or you plan to have a long hours nanny, these facts might reassure him that the picture will not change much on your return from maternity leave.

Pooky77 Sun 18-Dec-16 12:06:32

Anotherday no it's not the kind of firm that has such policies it's quite old fashioned. The partner who commented is not my boss, he has grown up children and his wife works full time. My boss has young children and his wife is a partner in another firm, they share responsibility fairly equally with him leaving work early certain days to collect the kids and attending school events. I think it's not worthwhile saying anything as nothing can be achieved by it, but perhaps I will have a word with my boss and reiterate my commitment to my job, although he knows financially we depend heavily on my salary. And yes they have not replaced me with anyone and are entirely dependant on current staff to share the responsibility of my work.

Pooky77 Sun 18-Dec-16 12:07:40

Oh and also he knows this is an ivf pregnancy and that our intention is to not go through that hell ever again!

anotherdayanothersquabble Sun 18-Dec-16 14:49:26

It's a shame that he let those words fall out of his mouth.

Yes, maternity leave is a pain but given both partners have wives who work and have had children, he should have kept his gut feelings to himself.

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