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Why can't I just forget this.

(10 Posts)
Raineau Fri 16-Dec-16 18:09:10

I really wanted other opinions from people that are not involved. When I was a child my parents divorced when I was three because my father was extremely violent, the same year my mum met a man who she started to allow in the house. He would lay around in his pants, walk in on me and my sister while we had a bath, he would bring drugs in the house and rub himself on both of us as if he was having sex with a grown up. He was hostile towards me mostly and we spent everyday in our room purely to get away with him. He would sexual touch my mother in front of us and once they had sex with us sharing a room when her friend was staying around. Once when I was around 13 I walked in the house early from school with two friends and we all saw him naked in my room with my underwear on the bed and in his hand, I told my mum and she did nothing. He also locked me in a hotel room for almost two weeks in Greece while the rest of the family had a holiday because I screamed when he hit my mum. My mum has called me a lair all these years and today she said she has forgotten all the past and doesn't want to talk about it and started shouting at me that I'm the trouble one for bringing it up. The things I mentioned are only a couple of the things he did. I feel broken and worthless and it's been such a long time why can't I forget it, why can't I move on in my mind. Am I wrong to be hurt my mother didn't protect me or do you think he or she wasn't in the wrong. I'm feeling very hurt and feel like it's my fault for not being able to just forget it all.

Thisjustinno Fri 16-Dec-16 18:12:33

Your Mother colluded in your sexual abuse.

I am so very sorry this happened to you and this is not something you can just forget.

FatOldBag Fri 16-Dec-16 18:26:39

Years of abuse, facilitated by your mum isn't something you just 'forget' about. You have every right to be angry at your mum. There's nothing wrong with you, there is something very wrong with your mum, both for what she allowed then and for her lack of remorse now. Have some counselling to learn how to cope with this emotionally. x

user1483351051 Mon 02-Jan-17 11:39:31

If you have not so far, you need councelling, if you can afford it.

AQuietMind Mon 02-Jan-17 11:44:29

I think you need to consider going to the police tbh. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, it is not normal and certainly not something you will forget in a hurry. Is he still on the scene?

isupposeitsverynice Mon 02-Jan-17 11:48:32

Contact your local sexual assault referral centre or rape crisis organisation, they will help you to work out a path for healing and recovery. They'll also help you decide if you want to make a police report and provide support through that process. No, this isn't something you should have to just forgive and forget. This is really very serious abuse of a child. I'm really sorry for the experiences you've had. I hope you can get some help to move forward.

isupposeitsverynice Mon 02-Jan-17 11:49:57

You are not broken or worthless - that is a trick that the abuse plays on you. Please get some professional help with this you are a worthwhile human being who deserves to be happy and content in her life. flowers

PitilessYank Mon 02-Jan-17 12:01:36

I can understand the wish to have your mother acknowledge the abuse you suffered, and in which she colluded. However, she is more likely to get in the way of your healing process than to help it.

I think you must turn away from her, and give up the idea of getting any truth out of her. It is a waste of your time. Please do look for abuse survivors' support groups, individual therapy, and read some books on the topic of childhood abuse and toxic parents.

I wish you the best. It hurts, but you can feel much better someday.

Raineau Mon 02-Jan-17 17:01:14

Thank you everyone for all your helpful comments. I think I was having a complete melt down when I posted my post and your comments really helped me pick myself back up.

Thank you. X

user1473184683 Mon 02-Jan-17 17:28:52

You cannot forget that because it sounds like you suffered very significant abuse throughout your childhood. You could try counselling and the police to make a complaint. Your mother failed to protect you so she probably won't admit she is at fault. Sorry you had these hideous experiences.

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