Talk

Advanced search

Porn: Having boundaries vs having freedom

(3 Posts)
WindInThePussyWillows Sun 27-Nov-16 16:24:06

DP and I have had a row about his use of porn.
For background, I have always maintained how uncomfortable it's made me and it makes me feel terribly insecure and like I'm not enough for him, sexually.
We have young twins, under one, and since their arrival our sex life has maintained reasonably well (once or twice a week, compared to three or four pre babies).
I have also recently been diagnosed with cervical cancer, which I haven't told anyone outside of my immediate family. This has also had an impact on our intimacy, but I've always offered to 'take care of him' sexually, I get lots of pleasure myself through giving.

A few months ago I caught him watching porn (came home early) and it really really made me feel so small and upset, he apologised profusely and I said I wasn't comfortable with porn being part of our relationship and I felt there was no place for it in our home or our family.
At the time he agreed, apologised and said he didn't realise how it made me feel emotionally.

Fast forward to last night, I was having a nap with the babies and woke up and I could hear the moaning and groaning of porn. I didn't confront him because I was really surprised and disheartened.
This morning, I looked at his web history on his laptop, and sure enough it was there.
I confronted him about it and he's gone nuts at me.
I'm a sneaky manipulative cow for going on his laptop, and I'm a dictator telling him not to use it.

I'm really surprised he's turned this around on me, I know I shouldn't have looked at his history, but I wanted to be sure before opening the can of worms.
I feel that we had set boundaries to both of our comfort zones regarding porn, he says he just saw it as me trying to control part of his life.

He was really angry and upset and said if we aren't compatible we shouldn't be together.

I just wanted to confront to discuss it and see what we can do as a couple to move forward so we are both having our needs met.

Wwyd?

JellyBelli Sun 27-Nov-16 20:31:34

He's a selfish twat to let you hear it, if he insists on using it tell him to use headphones so he doesn't subject the rest of the family to it.

Sparkesx Mon 05-Dec-16 17:27:33

He sounds incredibly selfish. You have a lot on your plate and you need to be concentrating on yourself and your babies! And he should be taking care of you all! Selfish prick. hmm

I don't really know what advice to give OP. Please look after yourselfflowers

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now