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Just that, really. I am unsure how to deal with this and could do with advice.

(15 Posts)
DeathpunchDoris Tue 15-Nov-16 20:10:17

A guy at work has a video on his phone of a girl having sex with his mate in a public toilet - she was unaware it was being filmed apparently (much to his amusement). Anyway, this guy thought it was entertaining to show anyone and everyone this video at work. One guy loved looking at it with him, another (female) colleague told him it was wrong - others said nothing but disapproved quietly. I had a massive problem with it all and had no problem showing how unhappy I was with it all both on a professional (it was in the workplace after all) and moral and personal level as it is a subject too close to my heart due to a family member being abused in a similar way. Throughout the day, he kept taunting me with this video and laughing at me and my reaction to it all The whole thing still bothers me now - several days later. He has been told off by a junior manager for offending me but doesn't care - he now shows work colleagues pictures of his penis ffs. How the hell do I deal with him because no one else seems to be that offended by it all except me. Am I over reacting? It is really bothering me and could do with some advice, as I love this job and it is spoiling my working day because it is a small firm.

Smartleatherbag Tue 15-Nov-16 20:12:18

You're not overreacting. That's awful. He sounds utterly vile and he's sexually harassing you. Could you go to the next level management? Keep reporting it and record every incident,however 'small'.

KarmaNoMore Tue 15-Nov-16 20:15:31

Contact HR and put a formal complaint. He and your boss should be reprimanded, one for the silly behaviour and the other one for allowing such unprofessional behaviour in the office.

If he is taunting you with sex related images you can complain about harassment, because that is what it is.

AnyFucker Tue 15-Nov-16 20:16:30

Yes, taunting you with porn is sexual harassment

Get him right in the shot by reporting him

Could you talk to sympathetic colleagues and go en masse to your line manager ? He should not get away with this.

AnyFucker Tue 15-Nov-16 20:16:45


RustyPaperclip Tue 15-Nov-16 20:28:50

I agree that he is sexually harassing you. Please go to HR and report his massively unprofessional behaviour. I'm not at all surprised that it is still bothering you. Stay strong OP and don't doubt yourself

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Tue 15-Nov-16 20:36:39

Agree, report him OP flowers

DeathpunchDoris Tue 15-Nov-16 20:40:38

Thank you everyone. It is a very small close knit firm, but although it will upset the apple cart a bit, I still feel I should speak out about this guy. I am relatively new at this job and I absolutely love it there but he has previous form for being offensive towards others at work and it is always written off as "just him being him, because he is young" (he is 24!). A part of me thinks it may all backfire on me if I speak out, but the bigger part of me hates feeling obliged to keep quiet and accept it as the norm. Thanks for your points of view - it has helped to see others' perspective on it all.

aginghippy Tue 15-Nov-16 20:41:47

You are absolutely not overreacting. I would put in a formal grievance for sexual harassment. Repeatedly taunting you with porn and then laughing at you is clearly sexual harassment.

aginghippy Tue 15-Nov-16 20:43:55

He is young? FFS he is 24, not 13 hmm

DameChocolate Tue 15-Nov-16 20:49:41

wow. You can't let that one go!

He sounds horrendous.

ZoFloMoFo Tue 15-Nov-16 20:51:15

Formal grievance for sexual harassment. First thing tomorrow morning.

mamatiger2016 Tue 15-Nov-16 20:56:11

I work in HR and you absolutely do not have to tolerate this in the workplace at all.

However much it may 'upset the apple cart' his behaviour is unacceptable and he should be held to account. It seems that others have taken very much a 'boys will be boys' attitude towards this which is also not on.

Please go and speak to your HR Rep and do so every time he does something which isn't right in the workplace. They will be able to instigate conversations with the managers to help reprimand or deal out the correct actions.

Sadly, it may only be when he realises his job is potentially at risk that he may understand his actions and make an attempt to change his behaviour

RustyPaperclip Tue 15-Nov-16 21:25:54

Unfortunately OP he is probably counting on no one wanting to upset the apple cart. It drives me crazy when people get away with bad behaviour because 'it is just what they are like'. Hope you get the support you need

Evergreen17 Tue 15-Nov-16 21:29:45

That is illegal, if the girl was unaware. I would go to Hr and tell them you want this reported to police.

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