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Should I accept my friends without judging them

(6 Posts)
KateBG Thu 10-Nov-16 12:32:40

I am a woman, 32 years old. I have 6 best friends (women). We know each other for 20 years. And you all know how much you need friends when you become an adult, a parent, and you have many challenges everyday and they are just your safe place to fall.
Many years ago there was a situation where one of them (Kalina) stole my boyfriend, while she knew that I was in love with him. She did not tell me. She just started holding hands with him in front of me. Everybody behaved like nothing is happening. After he broke up with her she told me that it was hard for her. I suppose this was some kind of trying to make excuse but she never said that she appologises. I have just forgiven her and the others for not being on my side.
A year ago I have noticed that Kalina and the boyfriend of one of our best friends are seeing each other in private. I have told Kalina that it is not appropriate and that this ruins the relationship of our close friend Yana. Three months ago Kalina officially started dating him. They were all on a trip and Kalina did not said anything to Yana and she just started kissing and hugging him in front of everybody. Again, everybody behaved like it is ok.

Yana is devastated. I want to give her the support that I needed in the past when I was in this situation. I want to have friends, especially ones that I have a lot of memories with, but I do not respect them any more. I feel like they have betrayed one of us. It looks like I am supporting only Yana. I do not understand Kalina and I do not understand the lack of reaction from the other women.

They were my best friends and I was so happy to have them but now I am thinking a lot about this and cannot forgive them again.

Do you think that I should just accept my friends without judging them? Am I too harsh on them or do you believe that they are more like people to hang out with on rare occasions but not real friend?

flumpybear Thu 10-Nov-16 12:38:25

Kalina needs to get herself someone single and stop stealing her friends boyfriends!!! What a slut!!!
She wouldn't be my friend!! And it's not judging, that's just plain wrong!

LoftDweller Thu 10-Nov-16 12:42:28

Your whole friendship group sounds weird tbh. I would guess you were all 13 if it wasn't for the 20 year friendship bit confused

KateBG Thu 10-Nov-16 12:49:25

Thank you for your answers. I also feel like it is just wrong. But when so many people behave like it is ok and I just start to wonder if I am the weird one.

KateBG Thu 10-Nov-16 13:26:27

I am almost sure that I will not respect Kalina any more. But what about the other women. They just stayed quiet all the time. I do not like people watching somebody to get hurt and doing nothing.

bedouincheek Thu 10-Nov-16 21:37:16

You sound like a good friend, and your friends sound a little strange to be honest.
Do your friends not think that it will happen to them eventually? If her behaviour isn't being challenged when she behaves like a selfish bitch, then why should she change?
Keep being a good friend to Yana, and avoid Kalina as best you can. You will be able to support her through this in a way that the rest of your friends did not offer you.

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