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How to make a huge decision

(23 Posts)
dostopwaffelinggeremy Sun 06-Nov-16 07:20:18

How do you know you are making the right decision when it comes to decision making?
I seem to be going round in circles with some big life changing things at the moment. One day I'm totally convinced that A is the right way to go. The next day I'm equally convinced that B is the right decision.
I am so confused and I am terrified that I will make the wrong decision.
Am I over-thinking it? I feel totally overwhelmed and don't know how to reign my thoughts in to concentrate.
How do you make the right decision? Is it all practical? Do you 'Go with your gut?' Any suggestions would be really helpful at this moment.

Snog Sun 06-Nov-16 07:23:05

There isn't usually a "wrong" decision, just different paths if that helps.
The main thing is to make a decision and take action. Good luck!

Snog Sun 06-Nov-16 07:25:03

I would probably do any research I needed to do then write down on paper all the pros and cons, sleep on it then go with my heart.

Sofabitch Sun 06-Nov-16 07:26:00

There is no right answer. Each route usually has merits disadvantages and unknowns.

The trick is to not beat yourself up for potentially making the wrong answer... neither is wrong. Each just a different path with many variables

dostopwaffelinggeremy Sun 06-Nov-16 11:08:22

Being logical and practical opposed to following your heart and what feels right is causing me to lose sleep. My practical logical head is completely at odds with my intuitive gut feeling soul.
Getting to a place where I can make a decision where my whole being is in agreement seems impossible at the moment.

HRarehoundingme Sun 06-Nov-16 11:12:23

They say you should flip a coin and if you're happy/disappointed in the result then you'll know what to do.

Bagina Sun 06-Nov-16 11:14:04

You've got to write the lists...

I like to get lots of opinions too, in case I've failed to notice something.

StealthPolarBear Sun 06-Nov-16 11:15:23

Remember that on most circumstances not making a decision is a decision in itself and leads you down a different path as well.

lljkk Sun 06-Nov-16 11:37:23

I am a pros-cons lister, too, but sometimes that doesn't help. (argh)

A successful Life is about trying to make most of the opportunities you have whatever path you end up on. When you have to decide something but it's very difficult, then usually be guided by the information that you know most firmly or go for the path that keeps your options most open or gives you the most influence over how it develops.

kavvLar Sun 06-Nov-16 11:42:12

Ask yourself these things:

What's the root here - get away from the choices for now. What is the issue these choices will address and what ideally is the outcome you want?

Then asked yourself:
What do I want?
What do I REALLY want?
Have I faced anything like this before?
How did that work?
What happens if I do nothing?
What does my gut feel?
What's that like?
What does my head tell me?
What's that like?
Are there any other options available?
What gets me closest to what I want?

EBearhug Sun 06-Nov-16 12:47:30

You need to work out which criteria are important to you - looking at a new job, money and promotion prospects will be important to some people, whereas short commute and flexible hours might be more important to others. (This is all based on the assumption that no one job is perfect in all ways, because if it were, there'd be no dilemma.) Also, some criteria will impact others - for example, a well-paying job might have a longer commute and consequently higher travel costs, which reduces the effect of a higher salary.

I think if you are really struggling with head vs heart, you need to analyse why. Are there criteria you thought weren't important to you, but actually are? Is your heart''s decision based on reality, or how you'd like it to be? I mean, if you were considering moving in with someone, and on paper, you have discounted them because they're really bad at financial planning and housework - well, that's not likely to change much, and living with it is different from only seeing it at more of a distance. You'd need to think hard about whether all the positives are really worth penury and mess longer term, or the resentment of being the only one who does the clearing up. There are plenty of MN threads to indicate that isn't necessarily a good recipe for a long-term relationship.

There are other things where you really have no choice but to take a punt - revolutionary new medical procedure with long-term cure if it works, but poorer prognosis if it doesn't vs established procedures which won't be a cure, but have been proved to extend the time before a condition deteriorates - even the experts don't always know the odds on that sort of decision.

I'm not saying don't go with your gut, but I think you need to try and work out what it's based on, because gut instincts are developed at a subconscious level through past experiences and so on - they don't appear from nowhere.

Good luck!

EBearhug Sun 06-Nov-16 12:49:26

And in answer to the initial question - sometimes, you won't know if it's the right decision until enough time has passed for you to see how it pans out and have the benefit of hindsight.

lljkk Sun 06-Nov-16 20:12:13

A lot of people say you should never regret any decision you made, as long as you know you tried hard to make the best decision then it actually was the best decision (that you or anyone could make).

Milkand2sugarsplease Sun 06-Nov-16 21:44:32

I think sometimes, when your head and heart really conflict, you have to choose whichever one is calling loudest, run with it and not look back. It's gets easier as you get to the point where you can't change whatever decision you've made (at least easily anyway).
I also think that a lot of the time there isn't a right and wrong answer as such - just different consequences. Not even necessarily one better than the other - just different.

dostopwaffelinggeremy Mon 07-Nov-16 06:46:25

Thanks to all of you. I think because it such a big decision and doesn't just affect me , makes it all the more difficult. I really appreciate all your advice. I will try and not think about things for a few days instead of doing nothing but......

gratesnakes Mon 07-Nov-16 06:53:11

Go with your gut instinct. It's usually right.

And as other posters have said, both options are probably equally good. Whichever you choose you can make the best of it.

TheBadgersMadeMeDoIt Wed 09-Nov-16 19:51:47

I really feel for you...I was in that situation a couple of years ago and it was a nightmare. I was absolutely paralysed by indecision and ended up so stressed I was on meds for anxiety and had 8 weeks of CBT.

Don't overthink it. Whatever it is, it isn't worth it. Definitely trust your gut (it's a better decision-maker than your head when there are too many variables), and don't beat yourself up if what your heart wants isn't what your head thinks you should want.

Opportunities come and go, you can take them or leave them but don't let them get in the way of enjoying your life. Whatever you decide, it'll be ok. Hugs xx

TheBouquets Wed 09-Nov-16 20:15:17

This is a very interesting thread. Many people I know IRL who struggle with decisions. I am very bad at decisions and I have found the suggestions good and I will try a few of them.

dostopwaffelinggeremy Thu 10-Nov-16 08:43:58

Thanks for all the great advice. I'm beginning to accept that neither of the outcomes, whichever way I go is going to be right or wrong. It will just lead our family down a different path than the one we are on now. I don't know the outcome of either decision so I need to stop predicting a future I cannot see. I can only go with how I feel at this moment in time. I have and still am spending inordinate amounts of time trying to foresee what could,would or should happen.
I have asked myself; Am I making the right decision, for the right reasons at the right time ???
I have decided to go with my heart, gut, soul, intuition rather than my nagging, practical, safe head.
Even though I can't see the future I want my heart and soul to be happy and free.
flowers to everyone

EBearhug Thu 10-Nov-16 09:01:41

Good luck, and I hope it turns out to be brilliant!

JellyBelli Thu 10-Nov-16 15:52:59

If one choice is logically better and one feels better, thats the time I struggle to make a decision. I have to play out each choice in my mind, test how they feel, and look for the cons.

gratesnakes Fri 11-Nov-16 10:36:27

I have decided to go with my heart, gut, soul, intuition rather than my nagging, practical, safe head.

Good plan!
You can make it work whichever path you choose so it's better to choose the path your heart is happier with. (You can always give your head a turn in a few years time.)

Badders123 Fri 11-Nov-16 10:43:33

Try this

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