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(8 Posts)
seriouslyclueless Fri 04-Nov-16 06:03:45

Going back to work soon and my parents offered to pick up my little one after a morning session at nursery.
I thought they meant to bring little one back to my house as it's 5 minutes from nursery. After speaking with DM she said I could pick DD up from their house which I said that wouldn't work as DD will have big drive in the car to go and collect her brother who will be at after school club 2 minutes from her nursery and then go home.
DM then said they would take her to mine so all seemed good.
Spoke on the phone with her last night and she sneakily put in that they would collect her from nursery, take her back to theirs then my DF would take her back over to mine at teatime for me or DH getting home.
I'm not happy as it isn't what I asked them. My DM smokes and smokes in her house which you can always smell when you go in and always lingers on your clothes even if just in for 2 minutes.
I think I'm just going to put her in the nursery for the full day as don't feel happy with the arrangement. I feel like my DM is trying to bully me into something that I'm not happy about or don't feel will be in my DD's best interests.
Then worry am I being over precious.
The rare times that my DD has stayed at their house, I think once a year, she has had a cough for a week and every item of clothing, even ones not worn and that have stayed in the bag come back smelling of smoke.
I just don't get why it's so hard for them just to ring DD back to her own house, won her own toys. My DM has said she can be more productive if in her own house and can carry on with her washing, rather than just sitting in my house.

Melstarrynight Fri 04-Nov-16 06:46:00

I would feel the same. I wouldn't want my child spending time in a smokers house regularly. Put her into nursery for the whole day.

twilightcafe Fri 04-Nov-16 06:49:14

Yanbu. The smoking would be a deal breaker for me as well.

NickyEds Fri 04-Nov-16 06:50:08

I would put her in nursery for the full day. I can see why your mum would rather go home - she'd be able to get in with stuff-but I wouldn't have my kids exposed to smoke.

oleoleoleole Fri 04-Nov-16 06:52:59

Nursery all the way.

Two reasons, the smoke and the fact that there's problems before the arrangement begins, so once it's in place and other problems start (and they will) you could end up falling out.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Fri 04-Nov-16 06:54:23

I can totally see your DM's POV, my parents always preferred having the DCs at their house, but the smoking is a deal breaker, your child's health comes first.

HaPPy8 Fri 04-Nov-16 06:56:12

I would uses nursery for the whole day though you risk upsetting your mum doing this. I can understand your mums point of view but the smoking would be a deal breaker for me. If she looked after her in your house would she smoke in your home too?

seriouslyclueless Fri 04-Nov-16 06:59:58

Thanks for replies, good to hear others would feel the same. Really good point about problems arising already and they are making me feel uncomfortable.
Happy8 she doesn't smoke in my house and goes outside which I don't think she likes doing.
Her addiction to smoking is so sad. My DF's health isn't brilliant either as the smoke can't be good for him.
I know she's going to be a bit put out but better to do it now before weeks, months into it and constantly feeling trapped with the plan and angry that DD comes back with cough and smelling of smoke and falling asleep at teatime on the drive back.

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