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A upsetting disagreement

(42 Posts)
Feeline Sun 30-Oct-16 19:42:10

I have given blood for many years. I am a strong advocate for if you can, do. It is a small thing that can make a huge difference to someone's life.
I understand many people can't and don't for lots of reasons, but have been struggling with my Dh over the last few years.
He refuses to go, which in itself would be fine if there was a reason, but all he can say is 'I don't want to'.
I know it it silly but it really upsets me that something that I feel strongly about is dismissed with a shrug and if I push him for a reason other than that, he tells me I'm bullying him and he doesn't have to have a reason.
Am I Being unfair?

sesise Sun 30-Oct-16 19:43:40

A bit. I do understand though, I can't give blood but would struggle to understand someone who refused to donate their organs. But I don't think it's fair to keep on at him over it.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sun 30-Oct-16 19:45:22

I think you are being unfair, yes. He might be afraid to give blood, or any number of reasons. You do not have the right to control what he does about this, regardless of it being for an excellent cause.

Pallisers Sun 30-Oct-16 19:45:56

honestly I think you are being unfair. This is his decision. Not donating blood himself doesn't dismiss something you feel strongly about. It just means he is choosing differently to you.

I think he doesn't need a reason and you should back off. Why does it mean so much to you that he donates blood? Maybe there are things he does that are small and make a difference that you don't do?

GazingAtStars Sun 30-Oct-16 19:46:01

Well he doesn't have to have a reason. It's not really anything to do with you what he chooses to do with his body

FeckinCrutches Sun 30-Oct-16 19:47:03

I don't donate either. If you asked me for a reason why, I couldn't give you one. I just don't want to do it. Why are you letting it bother you so much? How would you feel if her was badgering you into doing something you didn't want to do?

AmberEars Sun 30-Oct-16 19:47:52

YABU. I would theoretically like to give blood but I just can't bear the idea of it. I really can't. I would be seriously unimpressed with DH if he put pressure on me to do it.

Looneytune253 Sun 30-Oct-16 19:47:52

Omg, thats completely his decision and there really is no need to push him into it.

FeckinCrutches Sun 30-Oct-16 19:48:04

Also, his body, his choice.

HmmmmBop Sun 30-Oct-16 19:52:18


Soapalert Sun 30-Oct-16 19:57:01

Yes you are being unreasonable. His body, his decision.

OddBoots Sun 30-Oct-16 19:58:05

I used to be a blood donor until I wasn't allowed any more and I come from a family of blood donors, dh donates and ds is going to give his first donation soon but it is always a personal choice, it is his body.

BackforGood Sun 30-Oct-16 19:58:47

I think you should stop harrassing him over it. I'm all for promoting the idea to people who haven't thought about it, or haven't got round to it, but if someone has thought about it, and consciously decided it's not for them, then that's their decision.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Sun 30-Oct-16 19:58:59

Sorry but you are being unfair.

He doesn't ant to give blood. That is his prerogative.

You are bullying him to an extent. His body his choice.

Lweji Sun 30-Oct-16 20:00:23

Some men hate needles and the thought of having blood coming out for 30 min or so may just be too much.
I know someone who even fainted just for a few mls. smile

Anyway, I wouldn't push it.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 30-Oct-16 20:00:44

You are being very very unfair.

Leave him alone about that. Its 100% his decision. No justification required.

Helspopje Sun 30-Oct-16 20:01:38

Maybe he can't for donor exclusion reasons doesn't want to discuss it - travel, prev sexual history?
Or perhaps he just doesn't want to. It is supposed to be and altruistic donation after all

YouMeanYouForgotCranberriesToo Sun 30-Oct-16 20:01:45

I donate and dh doesn't. I'd like him to, bit in reality I know he would more than likely pass out after/during and they wouldn't be keen to have him come again!

I would be upset if there was no reason for him not to go. All those who don't donate just because you don't want to, would you accept a blood tranfusion if needed?

Wolfiefan Sun 30-Oct-16 20:05:21

What would I do? Butt out and let a grown adult decide what they do or don't donate.

PiSeas Sun 30-Oct-16 20:07:36

I'm going against the grain here and I agree with you. My DH doesn't donate either and it bugs me. I'm fortunate enough that my bloods are common so I donate platelets instead. But DH refuses point blank.
It doesn't hurt and is 20 minutes out of your day.

I understand it's his body, his choice, but blood donating is so important.

It's not bullying either - my DH can not give me a reason other than needles make hime feel 'gross'. I have to accept it. Annoying, but that's how his cards fall.

Sparklesilverglitter Sun 30-Oct-16 20:09:41

He's a grown man and it's up to him. He doesn't even need a reason, he simply doesn't want to that's his choice!

WaxingNinja Sun 30-Oct-16 20:11:04

Yes you're being unfair and yes you're bullying him.

He doesn't want to, and he doesn't owe you or anyone else any further explanation, so accept that, and stfu about it.

Coffeegivemecoffee Sun 30-Oct-16 20:11:45

Yes you are being unfair

He's an adult. He has made his decision not too and there is nothing wrong with that.

What would I do? Umm except he doesn't want to

Eminybob Sun 30-Oct-16 20:11:47

I give blood regularly, DH doesn't want to.
I have asked him if he would consider it, he said no and I let it go. It's a very personal decision I would never pressurise or push someone into to doing.

Eatthecake Sun 30-Oct-16 20:14:46

Of course your being unfair do you really need to ask confused

His an adult, its his blood and his quite capable or deciding if he wants to donate

DH gives blood I don't as I simply do not want too I am an adult and that is my choice. DH doesn't pester, or preach at me about how I should.

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