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20yo son wants nothing to do with me

(3 Posts)
Sallyz0z0 Sat 29-Oct-16 17:00:37

I'm so upset and I don't know what to do. I had my son as a teen, his dad was mentally abusive, I left him when my son was 3 but he continued to get at me through my son.
Things got worse during my son's teenage years, my son was very hurtful to me, he is a big lad and it got to point he would physically stand over me, threaten me, push me around.
Eventually he 'hated me so much' at 16 he moved with his dad for a year. He became depressed, I could tell and tried to arrange counselling for him near his dad's, his dad wouldn't even discuss it with me and did nothing to help saying I was overreacting and simply plied our son with material things.
My son came home after 1 year, on his 18th bday I had taken him away for it, he told me he had been in a very dark place at his dad's and although much better now still depressed. We did some work together - I got him gym membership, healthy eating etc and he got better.
Last year he went to uni and everything seems back to how it was when he was 15, he says horrible things to me, ignores me, gets angry at me for nothing, physically intimidating me.
I'm so hurt I've tried talking to him and he just shuts me out. I don't know what to do.
He has met a girl at uni and insists they are just friends but she is with him everywhere, I can't hardly spend time with him because she comes home with him every time. I'm not sure she's good for him, she smokes weed and took my son to Amsterdam, my son is pretty sensible - doesn't do drugs or drink much - but I worry about this relationship and whether this is the cause of our issues. She also stole a new towel I had bought from my house which I am choosing to believe was accidental at the moment.
I dont want to push him away further by rsising issues with her now.
Any ideas or advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks in advance.

DearMrDilkington Sat 29-Oct-16 17:11:46

took my son to Amsterdam - I'm not sure why this is relevant?

If your son can't treat you properly then tell him to leave. His 20, depression is no excuse to be vile to your mother, especially as you've clearly done a hell of a lot for him. Don't put up with it.

Stop blaming his friend for his shitty behaviour. His clearly always had this attitude and that's nothing to do with her.

Sallyz0z0 Sat 29-Oct-16 17:22:26

Thanks for your response and opinions.

Yes you're right the behavior was there a long time before she was on the scene.

The thing I was getting at is that Amsterdam is a place largely for trying cannabis, his friend is openly very into cannabis and clearly this has an influence on my son if he is very close to her - things had been lovely before he went to uni for couple of years, he actually apologised for his past behaviour to me and said going away made him realise he'd been awful to me.
Yes last time he was down staying he dais something or other and I hit the roof saying if he doesn't like it get out.
He is my son however and I love him very much and don't want to lose him.
Really, I want to know why he being like this and change it.

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