Police due to visit DS later - Trigger Warning

(22 Posts)
hooksandyarn Fri 28-Oct-16 16:52:09

I posted earlier on SN board but no replies so have moved it to here.
NC as this is a sensitive issue. Apologies for the long post.
Tonight we have an appointment with the police as my DS teen has been viewing child pornography via the dark web. This amongst other things, including dead bodies and animals.
He has SN and we reported to CAHMS that we had found this material on his lap top. This is despite us checking his viewing regularly and putting in the necessary parental controls on it. We had caught him with it once before and had a serious talk about the consequences, how it was illegal and unacceptable and the consequences could be life changing. We were unsure if he was curious or viewing it for other reasons. When we found it again we knew we had to report it.
CAHMS have contacted the police, which we were expecting of course, and the safeguarding team from Social Services. No word from them yet as despite us having an allocated SW she is frequently off sick. SS have not delegated his case to anyone else in the meantime.
DS has Aspergers, Conduct Disorder and ADHD. He goes to a special school.
So I don't drip feed I will tell you we have an older DS who also has Aspergers and an NT DD. I am registered as disabled due to various health conditions but I have always been the DCs carer.
DS 2 has been jealous of and verbally aggressive to DD since she was born, so we have to keep them apart as much as possible.
We have no family nearby and no support atm.
We are devastated and besides ourselves with worry for the future for him.

themindbogglesallthetime Fri 28-Oct-16 16:54:09

I have no real advice, & im sure Simone with plenty will be along soon. I'd just be as open and as honest as you can be. And get DS to be. I wish him & yourself the best flowers

Amandahugandkisses Fri 28-Oct-16 16:54:57

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You sound like a good parent who has done her best for her children. You have done the right thing. I hope you all get the help you need.

KittyandTeal Fri 28-Oct-16 16:55:48

I have no advice but I didn't want this to go unanswered.

What an awful situation to be in. You have absolutely done the right thing, not that it helps you feel any better

AndNowItsSeven Fri 28-Oct-16 16:55:54

Gosh I really don't know what to say except you did the right thing by reporting it.
Hopefully your ds will get the support he needs and is able to understand the seriousness of his actions. I have to dc with asd , the parenting can be very challenging.
If possible try and get some support for yourself maybe from a charity/ counsellor.
flowers

SouthernComforts Fri 28-Oct-16 16:57:53

flowers OP. I can't imagine how stressed and worried you must be. How old is DS? Does he know the police are coming?

PatrolPaw Fri 28-Oct-16 17:08:54

What an awful time you're having sad

You have done the right thing completely, this will show where ss are concerned.

I really hope that the police are able to offer the right support and the way you've protected the other children is going to go in your favour

I would be prepared for some difficult questions to answer

hooksandyarn Fri 28-Oct-16 18:21:48

Thank you all for the support and kind words.
Southercomfort DS is 15. We haven't told him that they are coming in case he has a melt down. He is nearly as tall as my DH and when he does it's quite scary. Also, he would probably erase as much as he could and that won't help him.

SouthernComforts Sat 29-Oct-16 15:37:50

How are you today OP? Did the police turn up?

PotteringAlong Sat 29-Oct-16 15:41:44

15 is above the age of criminal responsibility. There's every possibility of a custodial sentence here I would have thought.

What did the police say today?

ImperialBlether Sat 29-Oct-16 15:44:11

Are you kidding, PotteringAlong? There are tons of examples of adults viewing stuff like that who don't get prison sentences.

OP, how old is your daughter? It seems a very tough life for her.

FlapsTie Sat 29-Oct-16 15:48:04

How old is your DD? Are they ever alone together?

Heirhelp Sat 29-Oct-16 15:49:26

Sorry your family is having such a difficult time. I would ring ss on Monday as ask to speak to the duty sw to see if they can help or if you can be assigned a new sw if your sw is off. It might be worth ringing parentline or NSPCC to see if they can offer and advice to point out a more suitable organisation.

LittleDittyAbout Sat 29-Oct-16 15:49:40

I'm sure the OP is aware it's a very tough life for her daughter. Tough for all of them. It's sounds so difficult OP, I hope he gets the help he needs.

PotteringAlong Sat 29-Oct-16 15:51:57

No I'm not kidding. He's viewing child abuse on the internet. Why would he not go to prison?

BastardGoDarkly Sat 29-Oct-16 15:52:07

How did it go love?

What a nightmare for you flowers

ineedamoreadultieradult Sat 29-Oct-16 15:57:28

Hopefully the police and social services can offer support rather than just simply throwing the book at him.

WhisperingLoudly Sat 29-Oct-16 16:09:53

PotteringLoudly it's extremely unusual for an adult first offender to get a custodial sentence for possession of even the most serious category if indecent images.

The OPs son is a child and has significant SN. I would think the chance of a cutofodl sentence is practically zero.

OP I hope you get the support you need

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sat 29-Oct-16 16:13:00

"No I'm not kidding. He's viewing child abuse on the internet. Why would he not go to prison?"

Because not everyone does if extenuating circumstances are considered sufficient to avoid a custodial sentence. It's not that cut and dried.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sat 29-Oct-16 16:14:36

Should have said as well - so sorry you're going through this, hooksandyarn - what a terrible situation for you all! I do hope that the police and SS are able to deal with this in the most appropriate way for all concerned. thanks

hooksandyarn Sat 29-Oct-16 20:51:42

The police came last night and took the memory stick DS had stored the images on. They only spoke to DP and myself because they were PCs and not able to even view the images. It has to be passed on to the proper department who will be in touch in the next few days.

It's a very good idea about contacting SS again. Someone has to be there to support DS2 through this.

The youngest had a Halloween party to go to last night, and we've been out with DS 2 and DD today, and it's been very surreal, like the proverbial calm before the storm.

DD is nearly 10, and no, they are not left alone. At all. Never has been as he has always been jealous of her. He verbalises his frustrations against her and it's been tough for her because of this. Actually for all of them, including DS2.

I understand that some MN will feel strongly that DS2 should receive a prison sentence. Maybe he does. Whatever helps him to understand the gravity of what he has done, and stops him doing it again. This is the most important thing. That's why we contacted CAHMS.

Of course we find his actions repugnant and incomprehensible. We have always been careful to make sure what he views has been age appropriate. We have the highest parental controls set on the wifi. We spot check all the devices. We only found the memory stick by accident. Having conduct disorder means his behaviour can be very extreme. Growing up we never let him use this as an excuse for poor behaviour and both at school and at home he has always been provided with clearly defined boundaries and expectations.

It's going to have to be one step at a time at the moment.

FlapsTie Sat 29-Oct-16 20:58:07

Oh I do feel for you. It's just awful.

I do think there's a point where sn and additional needs aren't 'to blame' for abhorrent behaviour. To go on the dark web and find what he has takes a lot of effort (I understand) and I think you need to prepare yourself for the fact he is beyond your help. Maybe a custodial sentence would be for the best.

I cant imagine what you must be going through and I have every sympathy for you as parents. It's unimaginable. It's also not your fault.

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