Should I call social services?

(26 Posts)
Cartella Sun 23-Oct-16 11:10:06

Hi everyone I'm new to posting here but I really need advice on this as I want to make sure it's the right thing to do. So basically I have a neighbour who has a 3 year old Dd, I also have a Dd the same age and they both go to nursery together and play together in the street. I do speak to the mum when they are playing and she is always telling me her Dd hasn't gone to bed until 2,3,4 am. In turn she is then 3+hours late for nursery. The Dd also looks quite unkempt most of the time ie matted hair at the back, same clothes on for a few days, I also suspect she has lice as she is forever scratching. I also often hear the mum shouting VERY loudly at Dd a lot, and not how you would shout at a child, it's honestly like shut the fuck up, stop being a bitch etc. I have tried to offer advice and help without seeming patronising but I really think she just doesn't see the problem. Please don't think I am being judgemental as that is really not me but it's sooo upsetting hearing how she shouts and talks to her. As bad as all this sounds you an tell she loves her daughter aswell I just think she needs help, I feel sorry for them both as after previous conversations with the mum I know she has had a horrible up bringing herself, I just think she needs help. What would you do?

kimlo Sun 23-Oct-16 11:12:32

ring ss, or speak to the safeguarding officer at the nursery.

Meadows76 Sun 23-Oct-16 11:14:40

If it's as bad as you say nursery will already be on to it. I am slightly concerned that you both let 3 year olds out to play in the street hmm

blueskyinmarch Sun 23-Oct-16 11:15:42

I am a SW and i would say this is a low level concern. Possibly something that the HV or nursery would be able to help with. I would suggest calling the NSPCC and reporting your concerns and they can then pass it on to the relevant people. In my LA it would be looked at by staff in the contact centre, some calls made (to nursery and HV) and probable the HV would take it on in the first instance. Sounds like the mum needs some support with general parenting skills.

HerSpookyFattyness Sun 23-Oct-16 11:18:09

Nursery should have picked up on this. But it will do no harm for you to phone ss too. The more info they have then the better equipped they will be to deal with any issues and provide support to them.

Also hmm at allowing 3 year olds to play in the street. Garden yes. Street no.

Cartella Sun 23-Oct-16 11:21:34

Meadows- not street as in roads etc as there isn't a road, but out the front of the houses on bikes/ skates and obviously supervised at all times.
Thankyou for other advice, I think I will give nspcc a call as there are other things which are a concern but they would out me.

Cartella Sun 23-Oct-16 11:25:01

Again about the street, I should have explained further, I live in a rural area, out the front of the houses it isn't a street as you would see in a city, it's a concrete path adjoined to a field, no cars nearby or people walking through, and I am with my Dd the whole time she is out there.

Cartella Sun 23-Oct-16 11:28:36

And there are only 4 houses it's not like a street you would get in an estate. Me and other neighbours have set up a play area on said field, made it like a park. It's right in front of the houses. Its like farmland.

blueskyinmarch Sun 23-Oct-16 11:32:13

Cartella You don’t need to explain about where your child plays. There will always be people on MN who pick up on things like this. I had no doubt you were looking out for your own DC given your concern for your neighbours child. NSPCC are pretty good as far as i can see. We have acted on many referrals that have come via them.

Cartella Sun 23-Oct-16 11:38:05

Thankyou so much blue sky, I will definitely call them, I do think all she needs is a bit of help, that's why I was unsure if social services was the best route to go down or if hv or nspcc etc would be better!

Meadows76 Sun 23-Oct-16 11:43:57

You don’t need to explain about where your child plays. There will always be people on MN who pick up on things like this. Actually I think it DOES need to be explained. Particularly on a thread where the OP is criticising someone else's parenting. 3 year olds playing in 'the street' is a massive red flag to any ordinary person. I see OP has explained it's not actually a street and that the child isn't actually alone. All good, but I do think that it is entirely reasonable to question it.

smellyboot Sun 23-Oct-16 11:50:39

Blimey. We live on a proper street on an estate. Residential quiet but urban area.
All the 2/3/4 year olds play out there supervised. Do people seriously not allow their DC out to play?
Ours scoot, use balance bikes and bikes, play ball games and parents watch for cars etc
OP NSPCC will give you advice and it's great that you care

FannyFanakapan Sun 23-Oct-16 11:52:40

Phone SS direct - the sooner they get to see her, the better.

Hopefully they will feel that mum has the capacity to step up quickly. If not, they may well take the child temporarily- but remember that most children return to their parents after being in care - it gives parents time to get to grips with responsibilities of parenting, learn essential skills, sort out any mental health issues, sort out housing etc.

The child meanwhile can be assessed, can get into a normal routine, and will be clean and warm and well fed and nurtured for the duration.

ThatStewie Sun 23-Oct-16 11:54:14

You can raise your concerns with the nursery safe guarding officer too. They can and should help.

TheBouquets Tue 25-Oct-16 12:02:20

I am surprised that SS would think that being shouted at and abused with words is a low level concern. It is very destructive to live with constant shouted obscenities and put downs.
The uncared for appearance is also a concern to me at least

blueskyinmarch Tue 25-Oct-16 12:20:42

TheBouquets i am glad you think this way because it makes me think you have not been exposed to the horror which social workers see daily. This is definitely low level in comparison to children being physically and sexually abused, starved, and living in filthy, freezing house and being massively neglected in every way by parents who themselves abuse drugs/alcohol or are in abusive relationships or have mental health issues or are just plain mean and nasty people.

I certainly think what OP has said warrants a referral and i hope someone picks it up. I would hope that in fact the nursery have already picked up on these concerns and raised them with HV or SS or are perhaps working with the woman to assist with her parenting skills.

TheBouquets Tue 25-Oct-16 12:41:09

BlueSky - I am not a SW and therefore probably have not seen what they see. I have not led a blinkered life though and have seen some rather unpleasant stuff, like people aged 20+ who were raised (or not) by drug taking parents and how that has affected them.
I have seen children who were physically abused by parents (one abuser and one failing to intervene) and it broke my heart. If I had my time over I would take more forceful action.
You are not the first to think I have lead some kind of sheltered life so likely that is nearly the truth but it makes me sad to "see" children (as in this thread) and others I actually do see in RL not being treated well and that from what you have said would only be low level concern.
I don't know what to do or think about these situations.

blueskyinmarch Tue 25-Oct-16 12:49:53

TheBouquets It can be hard to see children who are being subjected to some level of abuse or at a minimum, poor parenting. There is nothing to stop anyone reporting concerns to SS but the hard part is accepting that they may not be able to respond in the way you think they should. This can be hard for social workers too. The reality is that new cases in most areas is a deluge rather than trickle and only the highest priority cases can be held by SW. However nurseries, schools and HV’s can all help provide a service as well as voluntary services. For example in this case a referral to Homestart might be a good option or the HV may know of parenting classes that the mum can attend. I would certainly hope they would receive some level of service, and if things do not change for the better then SW would probably become involved.

McBassyPants Tue 25-Oct-16 12:52:51

Can't believe people have issues with kids playing out!

Meadows76 Tue 25-Oct-16 13:41:13

Can't believe people have issues with kids playing out! why not? I understand I picked up wrong from the OP, and the situations wasn't just a 3yo playing out in the street alone, but it easily could have been - would that be ok? No, of course not. But yeah, I have already acknowledged my error.

TheBouquets Tue 25-Oct-16 17:53:51

Bluesky - Thanks for your response. Some children have such a poor start in life and the results can be seen much later even by those with no experiences of these things. I understand what you said about the amount of situations and those with worse situations coming before those in less danger may have to wait.

Cartella Wed 26-Oct-16 13:21:32

Just an update, on the Monday I saw the mum who had said she had a visit by social services that day so it seems somebody else had already called someone. She didn't go into detail but did say there coming back on Thursday. Hope it all goes well and she gets the help she needs. I'm hoping with some parenting courses and the fear of losing her child he will right herself. You can tell that se does love her daughter so fingers crossed!

Rolocookies Wed 26-Oct-16 13:27:49

That sounds like a good outcome. Keep and eye/ear out for the little girl and don't be afraid to call with additional concerns. It will give them a bigger picture.

blueskyinmarch Wed 26-Oct-16 13:31:01

That is good news Cartella. I rather suspect the nursery have passed on concerns as the things that were noticeable to you would have been noticed by them too. I also hope she gets the support she needs.

Pickled0nions Wed 26-Oct-16 13:33:08

SS need to involved. If the parent has had similar upbringing then she will be raising her child the only way she knows.
A girl near me was raised awful, in turn she raised her two daughters the same, they were fed but lived with faeces smeared on walls, nappies strewn everywhere, they weren't bathed and hair a mess.

It wasn't till police were involved for another matter that SS was involved. The girl got 8 months custodial sentence for neglect.

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