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Do I quit my job?

(19 Posts)
EvenFlo2 Thu 20-Oct-16 20:31:02

I'm having a real dilemma and wonder whether the wisdom of MN can help? (All around me are too emotionally invested).

I will try to brief but want don't want to drip feed so here goes...

I work on a job I've been training for for well over 10 years. It's a very stressful job both emotionally and time wise. I love it and hate it in equal measures and have pretty much always felt this way.
But since having my DS 3 years ago the emotional investment in the job has started to seem more and more destructive.

My DH has always felt the job was 'bad' for me in that it makes me very stressed and has been detrimental to my mental health - but he has always been supportive of any choices I've made about the job.

Things really came to a head a few months ago when the stress of work alongside a non sleeping toddler got a hit much, the wheels fell off and I ended up having 3 months off work with work related stress.
Those 3 months were magnificent, I started to see myself again, I was happy, my DH was happy and my relationship with my DS came on leaps and bounds.

But that had to come to an end and now I am back at work. I've been back about 4 weeks and already feel sad, stressed, tired and snappy. When at work I can't collect DS from nursery so DH is back to having to do it - which makes growing his new business for restrictive. I already feel like I'm missing out on my family life because I am so distracted by work.

It all kicked off at home this morning and my DH has said I need to think more seriously than ever about stopping work completely. He wants me to leave my job, spend time 'recovering' and then find something else, something more fulfilling and something that makes me happy. He is willing to support us financially without question.

But I just can't do it! My heart says to leave but my head says I can't give up my career and become reliant financially on my DH.

I could reduce down to 3 days but it's possible that this will simply mean cramming 4 days work into 3 days and therefore increasing the stress.

It's driving me crazy, I don't know what to do. And I don't know why I don't know what to do if that makes sense.

So over to you...
Do I quit or do I stay?

oldlaundbooth Thu 20-Oct-16 20:35:56

If you've been training for over ten years surely the training is nearly over?

Will the job be easier once you qualify and actually do it?

Would seem a terrible shame to throw away ten years of training if the end is in sight....

EvenFlo2 Thu 20-Oct-16 20:46:32

It's never really over, rather than be vague - I'm a doctor - 5 years of med school, 2 years of foundation jobs, 3 years of specialty training so far. I could probably be a consultant in 3 years but to be honest the prospect of that is not great within the NHS...

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Thu 20-Oct-16 20:54:02

BIL had to give up practicing at around the same stage in his career (also a Dr) due to ill health. He has a long standing physical condition, which is worsened with stress.

He now works as a Learning Mentor (or something like that!) with medical students at his local university.

Would something like that be an option for you? Something still using your training & expertise but nowhere near as stressful?

DSis is also a Dr, and I know how hard she has worked and how many sacrifices she has made to get where she is. I totally understand why you are reluctant to just give it all up and do nothing. Your mental health & your family life are very important too however.

EvenFlo2 Thu 20-Oct-16 20:56:52

I'd love to do something like that, I don't want to leave medicine behind as it's something I love BUT my mental health and my family do suffer as a result.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Thu 20-Oct-16 21:01:21

It could definitely be worth enquiring at your nearest medical school then.

As BIL isn't actually the lecturer, he has had no further study to do, but still gets to use his knowledge.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do flowers.

OneMoreForExtra Thu 20-Oct-16 21:11:18

I can't resist advise but I can hold up a bit of a mirror. I'm going through something similar, although not a doc. 20 years really hard work and steady progression have got me into senior roles with theoretically everything going for me, except that I'm exhausted, losing confidence, indecisive, depressingly effective and not takibg pleasure in a vocational role I was once devoted to and absorbed by. All the same issues with time at home especially 5yo DS. I recognized this over a couple of years ago, but was insane to act, until now when a series of circumstances are meaning I am walking away with little idea of what I'll do next, no income and barely a second thought. I'm amazed at how little I'm worrying about it, given that I've worried myself into paralysis for years. So, in my case, it must be right, but it's also a heart thing rather than a head thing (logically I'd be capitalising on my position to find an even better one).

Perhaps, rather than thinking about it and getting stuck in the overanalysing trap, you could try feeling about it: visualizing yourself taking time out and valuing the process of finding your next step; and visualizing yourself committing to your current role with all your energy; and ask yourself how you feel in each? Might give you some clues. Good luck!

OneMoreForExtra Thu 20-Oct-16 21:14:54

Give not resist!

Decreasinly not depressingly

Unable not insane

Fucking kindle keypad...

MrsRedFly Fri 21-Oct-16 12:10:15

Could you alter your career path to -
Research, government adviser, teaching, occupational health, general practice etc?

At least then you could still use degree but not in the obvious way

My mum was part time GP, did one day at occ health at local hospital, did first aid exams for Red Cross, and was involved with sonography back in the early 80s.

Maybe a change would be good all round?

yeOldeTrout Thu 03-Nov-16 03:29:39

I knew this would be about medicine!
Why did you want to do medicine,originally, could any of that vision still happen?
Else, like others said, there are other paths you could take forward.

yeOldeTrout Thu 03-Nov-16 03:30:35

ps: GP takes 3-5 yrs of specialist training, MrsR, it's not a position a medic can just downshift into.

user1477282676 Thu 03-Nov-16 03:35:10

I don't think you should leave. How will you manage financially if your DH's business is still burgeoning?

It's not a wise move.

JoJoSM2 Fri 04-Nov-16 10:54:54

I'm in a different career but going part-time has been fantastic. It gives me a real sense of work-life balance and my stress levels have come down by 90% smile I think you should try working 3 days a week and see how that goes. Money-wise, I expect you'd still earn a fair bit - possibly as much as working full-time in another career.

Bluntness100 Fri 04-Nov-16 10:59:58

Could you take a career break for a year? See how you feel?

Mumto2uk Mon 07-Nov-16 17:08:16

No job is worth your mental health or having intact on your family. I totally agree with your husband and you are extremely lucky that you can afford to leave. I appreciate all the hard work that's gone into getting your job, but like other posters have suggested maybe teaching etc. Good luck op x

Mumto2uk Mon 07-Nov-16 17:08:40


redexpat Mon 07-Nov-16 17:36:04

Any research opportunities?

TheBadgersMadeMeDoIt Wed 09-Nov-16 19:30:52

I agree with Mumto2UK - no job, no matter how much training you've invested in it, is worth sacrificing your mental health.

I think the reason why you can't decide what you want is that you're back in a stressful situation that is stopping you from seeing the best path to take. Consider that what you want may not be the same thing as what you think you should want. That conflict alone is enough to bring on a world of stress. It's a horrible cliche I know, but listen to your heart. And be prepared for your heart to make a surprising decision. They often do, in my experience.

Think yourself lucky, that you have a supportive husband who is willing to be breadwinner while you find your feet. And don't forget, there is nothing to stop you returning to medicine later on in life if you find that you miss it. Your education will not go to waste. Even if you change careers entirely, a medical background can open so many doors.

Good luck, whatever you decide. But please, respect your own mental health and look after yourself. Hugs. Xx

WhatLizzyDid Wed 09-Nov-16 19:38:42

Are there any academic opportunities that you could explore? How about some research?

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