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At the end of my tether

(2 Posts)
qgirl Tue 04-Oct-16 23:26:53

Hello all
This is my first time posting. My DH and I have never communicated well. We are BOTH bad at it but he blames me and I blame him.
I struggle to see what we have in common. He likes to be with his mates. I like being at home.
Today I completed a 4 hour round trip for a 5 hour meeting. I was tired and spent the evening doing the online shop, having cooked the meal (i cook 99% of the time). I also spent time trying to book a weekend away with a girlfriend for some ME time. At the end of the evening, we hadn't spoken and so I took myself off to bed without saying goodnight. Not angry just tired and not bothered.
So this starts a text conversation from him along the lines of - you don't respect me, you are not normal, you show no interest in me, it's not just me who thinks you are hard work, if I think about it too much, you make me unhappy. This is after last night telling him that I was driving to this place for my meeting today - his response was to say nothing. Nothing at all.
This just feels like a dead relationship, I don't know that we have ever got on. His family (siblings, parents) are very involved in his life. And it doesn't feel like WE are the unit.
I know I was at fault to go to bed without saying anything but does that make me 'not normal'? And when do you know when to give up? How do you make the decision to end the relationship? How do you know it's the end?

TychosNose Wed 05-Oct-16 09:28:43

What do you want? To me you have two options.
Either you don't want to improve your relationship, in which case it is the end. Or you do, in which case you need to find ways to work on communication.
Neither of you did a great job in the situation you describe. However tired you are, you can say "I'm too tired to talk, I just want to go to bed" unless you are making a point because you feel resentful? It does sound like this to be honest. Are you sure you're not angry with him?
As for him texting you with his complaint. That's not a particularly effective way of sorting out differences.

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