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How to tell friend I'm pregnant when she has been TTC much longer than me?

(4 Posts)
Dustpan Sun 28-Aug-16 20:45:15

Would appreciate thoughts on how to tell a close friend that I'm pregnant.

We both already have 1 child each, live close to each other & hang out several times a week with the kids. She is not just a friend but a true comrade in motherhood & I'm grateful to have her in my life. Recently she has given me a lot of caring support through a tough patch in my life.

She and her DP have been TTC a second baby for the past 9 months. She fell pregnant but had a mc at 8wks. I went with her to the hospital when she started bleeding & am aware of how much it impacted her. Since then they have not yet fallen pregnant again.

My DH & I started TTC last month & fell pregnant the first month. I am happy & glad, but dreading how & when to tell my friend. I think it's unfair that it's happened so easily for us when she is still trying & feeling insecure about it.

I'm 6 wks pregnant. How and when should I tell her? Is there anything I can do to lessen the sting she will surely feel? Thanks in advance.

ChipIn Mon 29-Aug-16 10:25:13

DH and I were in a similar situation with friends who had been through numerous rounds of tests and IVF. We were worried about telling them but told them face to face and they were genuinely happy for us. I don't think there's a way to influence your friend's reaction. Of course she might wish she was the one saying she's pregnant but surely that shouldn't take away her happiness for you. And if she knows you were trying it won't be a shock. As for when, we waited till 12 weeks before telling anyone.

Superstar90 Thu 08-Sep-16 21:39:50

I agree - you just have to be open and honest and tell her. Do it privately tho and preferably do it so she can have time afterwards to get upset not in front of you. We've been the same situation and of course you are happy for the other couple but then you are bound to feel pretty rubbish. Basically allow her to be happy for you and then give her space to lick her wounds in private. Don't make too big a deal of it tho - don't stop contacting her or avoid mentioning it - you should assume she's happy for you.
I don't believe in this whole wait until 12 weeks - if you are unfortunate enough to suffer a miscarriage surely you'll tell this woman and wld rely on her for support so why not tell her now.

Peachy27 Thu 08-Sep-16 21:54:40

Definitely agree you should tell her sooner rather than later. I got pregnant with DC3 unplanned, was actually struggling to come to terms with it and my friend had been ttc her DC2 for four years. I didn't tell her til I was 16 weeks and she said the worst thing is feeling people can't tell you their news and are tip toeing around you. She says she is always happy for people, just has a little cry in private later often. Three years on tho and she has just had her 20 week scan.
So definitely tell your friend, I should have told mine sooner!

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