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Trust, or not trust?

(4 Posts)
JulioRoberta Wed 24-Aug-16 00:28:39

A little background stuff: we have been married 16 years, two children in their teens. DH has had 2 affairs, 1st emotional when children v small, 2nd physical about 6 years ago. I didn't know at the time but found out a year after it had finished, gf was still in touch after and we had situations like driving when she would call and her number would come up on the car phone with children in the car etc. When I found out about 2nd affair, I said we were done but he went to therapy, we went to therapy, and he promised that there would be no more and he was completely committed to me and family. I contacted the gf and asked if she had any idea what she was doing, she said, not her business. She had been round to our house for meals and met me, sat next to me and eaten food I had cooked for her.

So, a few years on, I think he thinks I am over it all, but I probably am not. I found out about the first two relationships via snooping (not proud but it was obvious something was going on). I now rarely look. Just every so often (like once a year). Tonight he came home from work, said he was in meetings all day, but then left his phone in the bathroom. I had a look. There's a colleague who he goes away with a lot, who is also married, but difficult relationship. He's aware that I'm aware that some boundaries have been crossed, she shares more than professional stuff with him. He says she is 'annoying', that she demands too much time. There was a message from her saying she would meet him in the shade as their original meeting spot was too sunny. At 6.15 this evening. He came home at 7.30. After I read the message I asked him a few leading questions, like, how was your journey home, you must have been tired after a full day, (we flew home overnight on Sunday from a family wedding in the US), were the bars full of people enjoying then sun, etc etc. No mention of meeting this person. He just said, the day was OK, and meetings all day.

So, should I view this meeting as work? Or should I start the affair radar?

Ames84 Wed 24-Aug-16 09:27:06

Its difficult to trust someone completely when they display the same warning signs as before. Personally, I'd not react just yet. Try not to get paranoid but maybe be a little more observant.
It's a horrible situation and I hope things work out for you x

CafeCremeMerci Wed 24-Aug-16 09:32:20

How long is his journey home?

I wouldn't trust him, not as far as I could throw him.

This meeting 'could' be innocent, but it's far more likely not.

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Aug-16 21:35:00

Another one here who wouldn't trust him an inch. And I know from experience that forgiving and forgetting are two different things, and once forgiven, they feel free to do exactly the same again.

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