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(5 Posts)
Mari22 Mon 22-Aug-16 23:59:46

Hi. Would appreciate some advice. I've been married for nearly 30 years. For quite a while now all the decision making (and most of the doing) has been left to me. It's left to me to decide what meals we eat (I do the food shopping), where we go on days out, whether we go out to eat, where we go on holiday, I decide what to get everyone for birthdays and Christmas (even my own presents), I deal with the money and pay the bills. I do all the washing and ironing, 95% of the housework. I sort the kids out, shopping for school uniform, I'm their taxi. I have to try and remember everything. I book doctors, dentists and opticians appointments. Basically everything is left to me. We needed a new mattress and when hubby mentioned it I told him to sort it. Don't know how many weeks later and the new mattress arrived today - after I sorted it. i know I'm moaning but I'm sick of having all the responsibility of everything. I keep telling hubby he has to make the decisions as well but he just ignores me so I do it or nothing would ever happen. I'm wondering if it would be childish to go on strike for a couple of weeks so he can see exactly how much I do. I know it's not the best but I don't know what else to do. It's really getting me down. Any advice? Thank you

Ames84 Wed 24-Aug-16 09:35:46

Hello, I didn't want to read and run. Have you sat down with your hubby and explained how it makes you feel?

VioletBlue101 Thu 25-Aug-16 08:20:34

sending u hugs. my husband is the same. leaves everything that isn't work to me. I say to him I couldn't go to work cos looking after him is a full time job, which seems daft, but with 2 kids and a husband who can't book his own doctors appointments that is how it feels. he's honestly more work than the kids sometimes, it's such a hard way to live. obviously I have no advice as am in the same boat, but if you can't carry on with it then you need to talk to him, tell him, stop doing it all for him (I have done this to OH when he decided that I just sat about all day eating cake!) and let him fall. if he won't change I guess you need to look at whether it's enough to make you re evaluate the relationship. again, massive hugs.

0hCrepe Thu 25-Aug-16 08:29:43

I make a lot of decisions too but dh does get stuck in with housework. I do ask for meal ideas which he isn't great at and he'll suggest where to go out sometimes. ive also realised though that part of me making decisions is that I'm more bothered about some things. Some people just don't really mind and can tag along with whatever. Or if they do suggest something it's pointed out to them that it's not a good idea because xyz. So you get to choose what holiday you'd like, where you'll go for dinner and what you buy from the shop. Would you genuinely be happier not making those decisions and leaving them to someone who clearly doesn't really mind? Would he have chosen the right mattress?

PurpleWithRed Thu 25-Aug-16 08:33:15

What exactly is the problem? do you feel he doesn't appreciate what you do, or that he doesn't take his share of the load? do you both work? If you are SAHM and he's sole breadwinner then was he brought up in this type of household?

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