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To be pressured into this or not?

(30 Posts)
stitchisblue Mon 25-Jul-16 16:19:22

I wouldn't say so much pressured,
I'm sort of sat on the fence at the moment with this one.

So my boyfriend is desperately wanting a threesome, and I'm wondering if I should do it or not!
Our sex life is absolutely amazing and I can't fault the relationship at all grin but recently he spoke even more of wanting one, I asked my friend out of curiosity to see if she would or not; she's said yes and now my boyfriend wants to do this as quick as tomorrow and I can't help but think he's sooooo desperate? We're expecting a baby together and I'm worried that is will affect us?

Anybody else had experience in this and what would you recommend?
I kind of want to do this - he's reassured me he loves me and that's it's just something he wants to experience with me..


ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Mon 25-Jul-16 16:21:54

Keep it as a fantasy.

The reality will be shit and awkward and you will forever be wondering if he and your friend are at it behind your back.

Pregnancy is a scary and confusing time as it is, don't add to that.

FellOutOfBed2wice Mon 25-Jul-16 16:22:14

If you're not comfortable don't do it. I've had one but I was the three in the threesome, I wouldn't ever do it in a couple because I think it opens up a can of worms tbh.

Also, and maybe this is just me, I wouldn't do it while I was pregnant either. Just because it would feel a bit... Icky. I think.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 25-Jul-16 16:22:42

A threesome with your friend, whilst your pregnant, is never going to end well.

Whether you do it at all, it shouldn't be like this. And he shouldn't be pressurising you. He should want you to be happy and have your head round it... Not be rushing it through before you think about it.

Threesomes are fine, some people love them, but it shouldn't be a rush decision, especially as you'll have a permanent link to this man when you have a child, so you can't just walk away if it all ends badly.

SlinkyVagabond Mon 25-Jul-16 16:26:30

Ive no experience, but in your circumstances, fuck no.
Let's list the reasons.
Urgently pressurised.
And pressurised again.
What's going to happen if you say no, sulks?
Your choice but don't be rushed into it, it should be a mutually consensual act. (Like any sexual act)

stitchisblue Mon 25-Jul-16 16:30:36

Thank you for your responses, I slightly feel as though he's trying to rush me so that I don't get the time to think it through, I don't think he'd force me to.. but I feel as though it's something he really wants to experience sad

He text me and told me he's in love with me and this isn't so that he can sleep with anybody else, it's just an experiment and something different for us as a couple.
I know he wouldn't go off with this friend & I know she wouldn't either; it would mean nothing to the either of them.

They don't even talk, it's me that sees her!
Just so confused and don't want to do the wrong thing and don't want to miss out on something which could potentially make him see me in a different way & love me even more for taking part with him x

Spottytop1 Mon 25-Jul-16 16:34:19

Definitely never with a friend or someone you know well & definitely not when pregnant.

justdontevenfuckingstart Mon 25-Jul-16 16:37:54

Would he be as open to a threesome if it was another man so you could experiment?

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 25-Jul-16 16:43:35

It doesn't matter if they'd run off together - that's not the reason that it's inadvisable. It's that they will have sex, and there's a high chance that someone will feel excluded, and your friendship may not survive that. You'll be reminded of them having sex when you see her. He'll be reminded of it, too.

He is pressurising you and feeding you rubbish about not wanting to sleep with someone else. He suddenly has a desperate urge to have a threesome. Maybe it's a response to the pregnancy?

It's not a big experience. It's something that some people find fun, that can be excellent, but it sounds totally wrong for you at the moment. You're pregnant. That's got to be the worst time ever. He is pressurising you into it, and adding lots of emotional manipulation with his claims that he loves you and it's not about sleeping with someone else...

Tell him you'll do it but only with another man, see how keen he is then. He will either allow it as long as he gets one with another woman, or refuse saying that it's different and he's not gay. Really, a threesome is a way to have sex with someone else. Some people enjoy that and it's mutual and fine, but he's outright lying by saying he doesn't want to sleep with someone else.

It's very worrying that he's putting so much pressure on you whilst you're pregnant, and that you don't seem 100% that he wouldn't force you. Is this the man you want to be a dad to your child? He's putting his wants well above yours.

stitchisblue Mon 25-Jul-16 16:43:57

I'll ask him that when he comes home from work tonight halo it's a good question haha!
I'd be interested to know...

pinkyredrose Mon 25-Jul-16 16:44:24

How about a threesome with one of his friends?

stitchisblue Mon 25-Jul-16 16:46:19

pinkyredrose I actually doubt he would

Haggisfish Mon 25-Jul-16 16:47:23

Seriously? When you're pg? How long have you been together?

WibblyWobblyJellyHead Mon 25-Jul-16 16:49:27

Oh god please don't let him pressure you into this, particularly when pregnant.

It won't end well.

stitchisblue Mon 25-Jul-16 16:54:44

Haggisfish** I think it's been more of a thing since I've been pregnant :/

stitchisblue Mon 25-Jul-16 16:55:42

And we've been together a long time! I think it's because he wants to see me with another girl confused

ShotsFired Mon 25-Jul-16 17:15:04

I second justdon't

Find yourself a willing chap and see just how desperate your boyfriend is then.

ShotsFired Mon 25-Jul-16 17:17:11

oh some weird refresh thing meant I didn't see the other posters.

So, to clarify....I agree with justdon't and all the other posters who said the same thing grin

Garbadgeman Mon 25-Jul-16 17:22:01

don't want to do the wrong thing and don't want to miss out on something which could potentially make him see me in a different way & love me even more for taking part with him x

This says to me that you would be doing this less because the idea appeals to you and more because you want to please him and 'make him see you in a different way'. I strongly suspect you would end up feeling you weren't 'enough' for him and frankly he should be completely focused on you right now considering you're carrying his baby. I would, at the very least, tell him the timing isn't right, that you and he need to be cementing your relationship rather than involving other people right now. If he reacts badly, sulking or trying to pressure you further I think you have a bigger problem, if his desire to make you feel happy and secure doesn't trump his desire for a threesome now, while you're pregnant, there's something really wrong in his attitude to your relationship.

LondonStill83 Mon 25-Jul-16 17:24:16

Op I have done it, both with two men (in a relationship) and two women (as the third).

I preferred being in a relationship as I felt less cheapened by it. Being the third party left me feeling a bit awkward after- the couple got to go back to being in love and I had the walk (or cycle in this case) of shame.

That said, I did enjoy Both, and would recommend it as an experience.

However, my gut instinct is that it's not the right time for you. You are pregnant (so am I) and will likely be emotionally more vulnerable than normal, especially as your body will be now, or will soon be, changing.

Also when it's someone you know it's hard- you have to be pretty laid back people to sleep with someone you know mutually and not have a long term change in dynamic.

Finally, this idea seems to be one sided, rather than something you both want to try together. What would you be gaining from it?

How would you feel after?

How would you look at your partner after?

How would you look at your friend after?

You don't seem comfortable with the idea so I would encourage you to reconsider.

HateSummer Mon 25-Jul-16 18:50:04

What kind of man asks his pregnant partner to indulge in a three some? I find this quite revolting tbh.

Finola1step Mon 25-Jul-16 19:08:11

Ordinarily, I would say each to their own.

But, pregnancy is a time of heightened emotions. When a woman can feel at her most vulnerable (and sensual). I can't get my head round why a man would want to see his pregnant partner have sex with another, male or female.

In my book, a caring man would go above and beyond to protect his pregnant partner from harm (physical and emotional). Perhaps its all part of evolution, protecting your off spring etc.

Your so called dp is being far from protective and supportive. Tell him no. See what happens.

coolaschmoola Mon 25-Jul-16 19:11:28

I'm not normally a prude... But whilst pregnant? Just no. Nasty. Afterwards? Do what you like!

RosieandJim89 Mon 25-Jul-16 19:51:29

This is something I have fantasised about and so has DH. But I would never do that as I think it would ruin our relationship - and if I say so myself, we are a pretty strong couple right now.
How would you feel when he started touching her or even penetrates her as part of the "experiment". Would you be happy with this?

stitchisblue Mon 25-Jul-16 21:22:50

I don't know how I'd cope with it, I'm going to talk to him tonight and explain it's definitely not fair, I am very emotional at the moment and pregnancy has definitely made me clingy! I don't want it to be 'my fault' if things mess up

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