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Feeling bullied by other mums in playground

(5 Posts)
NJane31 Mon 25-Jul-16 10:18:17

My daughter is in year 1 now and when she started reception I was on maternity with my other daughter. I made a lot if friends on the school playground with other mums. Everyone was so lovely. We all went for coffee and the park etc with our kids. My daughter is not perfectly behaved - she has paddies, and gets upset and is a bit boistrous at times. The other mums started to notice this and they have distanced themselves away from me and have distanced their children away from my daughter. They all act like their children are perfect and make me feel such a bad mum. Bella comes home and says "Nicola* has run away from me - Roxy* says her mummy has told her I can never come to her house etc. Obviously I am not part of that clique any more.

Well the other day, I was walking into the playground and I am suffering from pretty severe depression. I have only just started getting help and sometimes I struggle to leave the house - I obviously look like I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. One of these women came up to me and shouted at me in front of everyone saying "SORRY", when I asked what for she said I was giving her a dirty look. I wasn't even aware I was looking at her. I went back to the car in tears, but I knew she was in the hall waiting for assembly to start. I walked back into school and asked if I could have a word with her. She rolled her eyes at me. We went into the corridor and when I said "how dare you" whilst starting to cry she grabbed me by the arm and went to drag me outside the school. I obviously shouted at her about how much she has upset me and you can't just speak to people like that.

When j went to pick my daughter up later that afternoon all that clique were stood in a circle giving me dirty looks, even though I told that woman and another one of them whom I used to be friends with, that I was suffering from severe depression and have lost all confidence in having friends etc.

I am really worried how this is going to impact on my daughters life at school! I don't know how to handle this situation. To them - and probably to all the other mums they have gossiped with - I have come across as the bad guy. I am so worried that my daughter is going to lose more friends. What shall I do?

TrivialPursuit Mon 25-Jul-16 10:30:20

Your DD will not lose friends because the mothers don't like you. That's not really how it works.

She will lose friends if she negatively impacts upon others by her behaviour in a way that is out of the range of normal for the other DC in her class.

The mothers will feel awkward about not having your DD round if you are friends with them, but not being friends with them will make it easy for them to refuse.

You've got depression and that's horrible. I am really sorry for that. Being depressed does distort how you see the world, and you turn in on yourself. Little things suddenly become challenging. I've had depression, s i understand that, but I think it could be very hard to empathise with it if you've never had depression.

I'd send the other mother a non-hostile message saying that things got out of hand and you regret that. You intended no offence as you walked in the playground, you were just lost in your thoughts, thinking about something difficult in your life that is unrelated to school. It was just a misunderstanding but you regret how things escalated. Then ask if you can both just forget it.

In six weeks time, you'll be beginning to feel a bit more able to deal with things. Go see the new teacher next term and ask her to keep an eye on your DD's friendships and to speak to you in an open and frank way if she feels that your DD needs help with her behaviour.

Hissy Mon 25-Jul-16 15:35:17

Honestly love, what they think or don't think is irrelevant, I know you can't see that, because the depression won't let you, but honestly, not one of those SILLY WOMEN WITH NOTHING TO DO IN THEIR LIVES knows what it is to walk a mile in your shoes right now.

Focus on what's important, and that is teaching your dd that stropping is not the way to get what you want and that she has to learn to be calmer and kinder or she won't get invited to places etc. She's only little, and if she's a younger one in the class, these are the things that little ones can struggle with.

Long story short tho, it won't matter in the years to come, as long as she learns how to be a good friend and role model to others.

If someone had thought you had given her a dirty look, coming up to you and shouting SORRY at you is hardly the way to tackle it. She should have asked you if there was anything wrong, not attack you. If you bit back, then so be it.

At least there is no school to worry about for a while, please don't let your thoughts trick you into thinking you did anything wrong here.

Can you access counselling? If not could you call Samaritans for someone who listens and understands what you're feeling?

TrivialPursuit Mon 25-Jul-16 16:55:50

FWIW The other mother's don't sound very nice at all. Normal people don't go around assertively bellowing "SORRY" in someone else's face because they think the other person looked at them the wrong way. People who do that are aggressive, ill-mannered and boorish.

When you start to feel better, you might be able to see them for what they are, and you'll want to keep the amount of time you spend in their company to a minimum. Chances are their children will grow up to be like them, and you'll post in a few years time asking for advice as to how to distance your DD from their children!

So, apologise/ explain if you think it will take the heat out of things. Don't mention depression again as they won't understand and might use it against you. Focus on getting yourself well and helping your DD behave a little better, and then later, how to get away from such ugly people.

But one thing at a time... first thing is try to relax and let the meds calm you down so you can see things as they are. And don't bully yourself!!!

Onedaftmonkey Tue 02-Aug-16 00:22:22

cakeflowerschocolate mum's are bitches. Depression is the worst. Please be strong. Tell yourself that you are worth it and Fuck those cunts who have nothing better to do than bully others. I know it seems harsh but soon enough they will find some other poor mum to bully. Stay strong. We are always hear for u. smile

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