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Unemployed BF

(28 Posts)
Softie74 Tue 19-Jul-16 21:59:27

So... I've been single for a few months now since splitting from grumpy, violent-tempered ex husband... and I've finally found someone nice to date. He's lovely and kind and we have amazing chemistry, but... there are small, niggly issues, probably stemming from his being unemployed. He has spent pretty much 80% of his time at my house since we started dating... this is OK... I work from home and he sleeps until the afternoon, so Im undisturbed. But... that's also bothersome. He sleeps all day, only waking up for food and sex, both of which are supplied by me... he doesn't buy anything to contribute to meals. He drinks a lot and doesn't replace what he removes from the liquor cabinet. And when we've gone out (except for the very first date, when he bought his drinks and I've bought my own) I've bought drinks and food for the both of us. Now, I've been fairly straight with him and told him I am not in a position to support an extra person. I'm now running a household on just one salary. He's said he understands and that's not his expectation at all... and that he gets money on Monday, so things will be better. Well. Today was Monday. And I happened to be travelling to his area today for work, so in the morningwhen he messagedoesn't me his "I miss you", I suggested I pop by for a drink after work. He was enthusiastic about that. But when I got there, he couldn't even offer me anything to drink. His housemate suggested a beer, which I don't drink... so I went for water instead. Now I'm not feeling so great about this... on the one hand, it's just a drink. On the other hand, he has eaten and drunk with abandon at mine, and ive been happy to host him, including when he drank some rare imported stuff that I got on a trip and nommed his way through all my vitamins. I really like this guy. But I don't know if he's just using me, or whether his unemployment has genuinely removed his ability to even get so much as a diet coke for a visit... do I say something? What would you do?

GeoffreysGoat Tue 19-Jul-16 22:03:20

Freeloading cocklodger not worthy of your attention

seven201 Tue 19-Jul-16 22:19:42

If he sleeps all morning and only wakes for sex and food is he not actually trying to get a job? LTB! I've never said that before - was fun. If you read this thread what would you recommend the person do? He sound like an a class a hole to me - sorry!

Chippednailvarnishing Tue 19-Jul-16 22:21:11

He doesn't sound like a BF he sounds like sloth.

cosmicglittergirl Tue 19-Jul-16 22:23:55

Are you joking? I wouldn't even entertain the idea of dating someone unemployed.

sooperdooper Tue 19-Jul-16 22:24:20

Has he got any intention of looking for a job? How long has he been unemployed for?

He sounds like a teenager, sleeping all day! I'd get bored of that very quickly, you won't actually be able to go anywhere with him unless you find everything!

Softie74 Tue 19-Jul-16 22:36:04

Thanks for the replies. I was wondering if wasn't maybe being a bit harsh. Or if I was being a soft touch and a moron... (I've been conned before.) He hasn't worked for two years now - he injured his legs and had to get therapy to walk again. (At least this is what his told me - muscle scar tissue seems to support this.) He's also lost his home and only recently moved out of a hostel and into shared accommodation with other young males. (I.e. he has also been homeless.) He tells me his pain is getting better and he has a plan to start a business, but I see no evidence of this.
On the upside, the cuddles are amazing, and so is the... cough cough... activity. He's super romantic and a wonderful kisser. But yes. I think, a bit of a mooch.

ijustwannadance Tue 19-Jul-16 22:47:56

He plans to start a business. Are you going to loan him the money?
Get rid op. He is a user.

AcrossthePond55 Tue 19-Jul-16 23:01:39

Well, if you think the sex is that good, then just consider paying for everything as the cost of (ahem) 'doing business' with him, I guess he can be your gigolo. No different that a man with a mistress, I guess. Just don't expect any return on your 'investment' other than an orgasm or three.

Frankly, I don't think any man could ever be that good.

rollonthesummer Tue 19-Jul-16 23:04:16

He's going to 'start a business' and he's good at sex.

What a catch.

Lookatyourwatchnow Tue 19-Jul-16 23:07:30

OP, what the fuck are you thinking? Raise your standards. By a mile.

Bottomchops Tue 19-Jul-16 23:12:17

Omg! What are you playing at?? Do not touch him with a barge pole! Seriously do not spend another minute with him; he'll take you down with him. Get some self esteem and find a man who will enhance your life. It's like you've been together a whole lifetime. He's lying in your bed all day??? WTF??? Even the spending 80% of time at yours is abnormal and wrong. Are you really just being blinded to all of this cause of his big golden cock??? I'm actually frightened for you that you may not walk away.

Emeralda Tue 19-Jul-16 23:16:15

Run! Find someone worthy of you. Better to be single or dating than wasting your time and energy on someone who's clearly not on the same life page as you. Don't invest any further.

Bananalanacake Tue 19-Jul-16 23:26:15

Any man without a job wouldn't get a look in with me, they'd be out of my league, maybe I am a little harsh and when you met you assumed he was looking for a job or has he been signed off.
Cheeky, helping himself to your liqor - I would get rid of it all and say you've gone TT and only offer him tea, if he wants booze he buys it himself.

rollonthesummer Wed 20-Jul-16 07:46:35

These aren't 'small niggle issues'/they are massive waving red flags?

Get your self respect back-you don't deserve this!

rollonthesummer Wed 20-Jul-16 07:47:26

That should say...

These aren't 'small niggly issues'-they are massive waving red flags!

Gladysmum Wed 20-Jul-16 07:49:49

Jesus get some self respect! He sounds bloody awful.

Imknackeredzzz Wed 20-Jul-16 07:51:31

"His a great kisser and good in bed"

Oh come on OP get a grip and leave him- your not 16

Marmalade85 Wed 20-Jul-16 07:57:37

Just get a male escort, would be cheaper.

Cosmo111 Wed 20-Jul-16 08:01:41

You could understand his circumstances had he been trying to pursue a job afterwards. It's clear your a safe bet for him food, warmth sex etc

tribpot Wed 20-Jul-16 08:02:53

There's a lot in this comment you made, OP: I've been single for a few months now since splitting from grumpy, violent-tempered ex husband... and I've finally found someone nice to date

So it's only been a few months but you've "finally" found someone nice to date? Were you brought up to think a woman needs to be with a man? Cos a few months isn't that long.

If you've just split with a violent abuser, you would probably benefit from spending some time working through the Freedom Programme so you can avoid repeating the patterns - or making this classic mistake of thinking the guy must be okay if he's not breaking things or hitting you.

If this guy is a good shag, keep him as a FWB but please don't let him take the piss out of you, leeching off you.

blueskyinmarch Wed 20-Jul-16 08:05:17

Cocklodger. He is a smooth talker who likes to worm his way into a woman’s life then he can take advantage by getting food, lodging and sex for nothing. Where is your pride? Bin him.

Missgraeme Fri 29-Jul-16 09:31:23

Is he 18?

ImperialBlether Fri 29-Jul-16 09:38:52

So your boyfriend iis a lazy, freeloading, selfish man but that's OK because he has a golden cock?

AnyFucker Fri 29-Jul-16 09:41:51

Seriously, you need to ask ?

Keep him as a sex-performing pet if you like, but as a long term proposition ? Nah.

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