Hurtful gossip(5 Posts)
I'm new to all this so bear with me!!
A few years ago plucked up the strength to leave a broken marriage with my 2 year old, moved into the village into a rented property (lived round here nearly 30 years) I know everyone really, the place I live is a well to do area and all families. I've lived here 5 years now and since met someone else who moved in and recently had a baby.
I keep myself to myself really, never had many 'mum' friends, I put this down to been busy working full time in management and building my career, so I've never been one to do the school run etc. Now on mat leave I've made a couple of good friends and went out drinking the other night for the first time in forever!!!!
On this evening I found out that when I moved in most people slagged me off 'a single mum has moved in' 'she plays loud music' 'men are always coming round' this is absolute rubbish, the only man who came around was my brother to keep me company and set things up like Internet, they also said things like 'I feel sorry for her daughter'
I'm now really hurt my these comments, some on the people now talk to me, and I feel betrayed. I'm really really upset and don't know how to deal with these women and school and the ones who live in my area. I'm so embarrassed that I feel like moving away.
Can anyone offer any advise ? Thanks
Can anyone offer any advice ?
Don't live in small villages full of people with nothing better to do with their time?
Cities are great: the anonymity is worth the noise.
I'm sorry one of your "good friends" chose to share this with you. I was in a similar position when we moved to a small village and were considered weird - I overheard someone referring to us as the village idiots and criticising not only my children but my father's appearance (he was ill with Parkinson's disease st the time). Very hurtful. However we toughed it out as we had no option, and as time went by newer people moved in and they attracted the gossip instead of us. I suppose the novelty of us wore off and we are old news now. I think in a small community it's always someone's turn for a burning. Try not to take it to heart but do bear in mind who has been the most unkind and judgemental and treat them to the depths of your disdain! Shoulders back, chin up - you've got nothing to be ashamed of!
Thank you for replying.
I'm just finding it hard on the school run been kind to people and chatty when I know what they think of me, I mean they may not even think it now, but they did and I was only a woman trying to start again wanting the best for my daughter. They are so snobby on here (new build estate) I was off to a bad start by renting as they look down on me! But I left my ex husband with nothing because I was determined to make it on my own, I wanted nothing from him
Yes I'm sure it's very difficult even looking at these people. At least they've given you a clear indication of what they're like so you don't have to waste your time trying to be friends with them. If you're minded to stay put you'll need to find a way to consign the nasty remarks to the past though otherwise it will eat at you. I do think there's something tribal and almost xenophobic in human nature and someone who operates out of the norm (single mother! renting! outrageous!) will attract criticism - how sad though that people can be such pratty morons. Keep on doing what's right for you and your daughter - as above, chin up, and an attitude of fuck 'em. They probably don't even remember it and have moved on to someone else by now. They're certainly not suitable to be your friends so you don't lose anything, but your continued civility gives you the moral high ground.
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