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Dilemma! Do I leave my baby to go on a hen do?

(43 Posts)
Izzywizzyxx Thu 30-Jun-16 14:37:21

One of my oldest friends is planning a 4 day hen do abroad next June. I am currently 12 weeks pregnant, so will have a 4-5 month old baby at the time they go. I am not sure what to do because 4 months old is very young, and I am planning on breast feeding, so it would be tricky. What should I do?

MrsJoeyMaynard Thu 30-Jun-16 14:39:29

How long have you got to decide?

AppleMagic Thu 30-Jun-16 14:39:56

There is no way I would even contemplate it.

willconcern Thu 30-Jun-16 14:40:14

Go for a day or two, not four. You'd need to pump or you'll be v uncomfortable if exclusive breast feeding

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 30-Jun-16 14:40:41

Gosh, when do you have to decide by? I think you might not want to go but it's hard to say until you're in that place really. If you want to go you should, you can express (would take a while to stockpile!)

WordGetsAround Thu 30-Jun-16 14:41:59

If you're planning on breastfeeding I don't see how you will be able to go.

TheRealAdaLovelace Thu 30-Jun-16 14:42:40

You might not want to go when it comes to it - can't you leave it open in view of your condition?

ElspethFlashman Thu 30-Jun-16 14:43:39

Don't decide till the last minute and make sure everything's refundable.

Yeah you may well be able to leave the baby by that stage in that if the baby takes a bottle he'll be fine. Certainly at that age they're pretty oblivious to change.

But if you don't train him on a bottle early then he may not take it ever and you'll find its almost impossible to go tbh.

ElspethFlashman Thu 30-Jun-16 14:46:48

A breast milk stockpile for 4 days for a 4 month old would be considerable. It could be done if you started putting it away a good while in advance but realistically you'll probably end up mix feeding. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

You'll also have to bring a pump with you and keep pumping and dumping abroad.

PlanBwastaken Thu 30-Jun-16 14:47:13

Depends on how much you want to go - for me personally, even if I weren't breastfeeding it would be too early to leave a baby to go so far away. If you want to sustain breastfeeding you'd also have to get the baby to take a bottle and pump a lot of milk before - perhaps not what you want to spend a lot of time on with a tiny baby.

To me the stress just wouldn't be worth it, so I'd just say no now. Then again, if you really are dying to go, can you afford to book the flights now and cancel if you need to?

OutsiderInTheGarden Thu 30-Jun-16 14:47:14

Knowing what my DS was like at 4-5 months there's no way I could have left him for 4 days, but I also wouldn't have wanted to. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but in my experience it wouldn't have been a practical option. All babies and mothers are different of course, so I can only say what my baby was like. He was a really good sleeper by this time, but we had feeding issues due to reflux, and it took a great deal of effort to keep him in good routine. That routine was also developing quite quickly, so the whole thing might be different within a matter of 2-3 weeks based on his needs. Your baby may be very different though, and of course a lot depends on feeding. Oh why haven't they invented crystal balls for babies yet??

OutsiderInTheGarden Thu 30-Jun-16 14:49:59

And I'm sure it's true that some babies at this age are oblivious to change, but not all of them. Mine certainly wasn't oblivious to change, sadly!

MissBattleaxe Thu 30-Jun-16 14:50:59

I would say no, but ask for first refusal if there's a last minute cancellation.

There are so many variables, it's impossible to say yes or no this far in advance.

Balletgirlmum Thu 30-Jun-16 14:51:20

I would not have even considered going.

Izzywizzyxx Thu 30-Jun-16 14:53:00

They are in the process of organising it now. Feel like I'm under a lot of pressure to decide. Plus when I said I wasn't sure if I could go my friend couldn't understand why (she doesn't have kids). Just don't know where I will be with breastfeeding by then, my dd refused to stop so was feeding her forever!

UptownFunk00 Thu 30-Jun-16 14:57:45

Why and how do people have these extended hen/stags.

I think you'll struggle to be honest as DD2 is that age now and wondering if I can stockpile and leave her for 2 nights with my Mum for our anniversary.

MissBattleaxe Thu 30-Jun-16 15:01:12

If your friend doesn't understand why, explain to her about breastfeeding and pumping and how leaving a 4 day will be very tricky. She just doesn't know any of this.

OutsiderInTheGarden Thu 30-Jun-16 15:05:06

For starters you'll need a LOT if breastmilk for 4 days! I wouldn't have properly understood the practicalities before I had my DS either, but I would have tried to be understanding of the predicament.

Batteriesallgone Thu 30-Jun-16 15:06:24

Gosh no way. Oblivious to mum being away? Really?! I don't know any 4m olds that wouldn't be terribly upset at mum being gone. Sounds like you've already got an older child - how old were they first time you left them, that's probably your best guide rather than a bunch of ransoms on the internet telling you what we'd do!

thrillhouse Thu 30-Jun-16 15:07:16

Not a fucking chance.

PotteringAlong Thu 30-Jun-16 15:08:04

Not a hope in hell

Balletgirlmum Thu 30-Jun-16 15:08:47

Besides assuming you'll be on maternity leave you'll need every penny. Babies are expensive!!

Batteriesallgone Thu 30-Jun-16 15:12:16

Also have you considered your health at 4m pp?

Obviously, positive thinking, you'll be fine etc, but at 4m pp I'd only just stopped bleeding and was still really quite poorly. Wouldn't have been great fun on a hen do. I was still in the pyjamas all day and crying stage.

SnotGoblin Thu 30-Jun-16 15:14:08

Is there a way you can visit for one day or do an overnight stay for part of it?

Elmersnewfriend Thu 30-Jun-16 15:15:41

Breastfeeding or not, there is no way on earth I'd have done this with a 4-5 month baby!

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