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Should I put my boyfriend and his kids out?

(103 Posts)
Crazysaz1 Fri 24-Jun-16 08:22:31

Hi all...hope u can give me some advice lol
So I have 3 youngest has severe disabilities. I met a guy a yr and a half ago who was just out of a bad marriage. He had 2 kids whom his x wouldn't let him see. He kinda moved in..he stayed a night here and there and gradually just was there all the time. Financially at the start I paid the bills he paid the food. I felt bad asking him to help pay half my mortgage...dunno why
Last Sept he heard his x was really badly into drugs so to cut a long story short there followed 6 months of courts resulting in permanent custody to him. They don't even see their mum. Now, my youngest attends hospital 3 days a week for 5 hrs and it's a 70 mile round trip. Throughout all this I also done a 200 mile a week round trip taking his kids to and from school. I spent 250 on new clothes for them as they had the things they were standing in the day they came to me and bought all thr Xmas pressies aa I like to be organised. I got nothing back from him. His parents don't help at all though they talk plenty about the x wife! I noticed his wee boy wasn't right...turns out he's autistic and I noticed he had a severe curve in his spine. He walks on his tiptoes for goodness sake and not him or his silly family noticed. He has 2 sisters with no kids.
Anyway my point is this... he pays for very little, he always seems to be skint even though he has a fairly good job. He has asked his folks for help but they maybe take the kids a day and that's it. My poor wee mummy has tried and she's 70 .his mum is 55. I think I love him but I cba with sex, we've no fun any more and life is so hard. I worry about him and his money, his kids do my head in too at times. My others go to their dad's but his are there constantly. I try to work from home when mine are away but I'm in the kitchen and next thing is is are getting dinner etc annoying me at work with customers. I just feel like a hamster on a wheel. Some days I don't even have time to get a shower and makeup and nice clothes seem to be a thing of the past which isn't me.
I worked out I pay for any wkd breaks we've been on, mortgage, lecce, some food, paid 4 flights 4 him and his dad so he could pick up a car..financially I feel the 3 r a big burden. And I have found out he bums and blows behind my he told my friends hubby he was skint 1 month as he'd bought all the wood to make a fence... no I bought it. I lent him money 2 pay a credit card to discover he hasn't been paying it back into my account.
Pros he is good with my kids, my 2 Boys especially. He seems to adore me, he's great around the house, when we do get a night out we have a laugh. I finally asked him 4 money the other week and tbf he paid straight away.
The thing that has really gotten to me is yesterday my friend admitted to me that a couple of weeks ago we went to a hotel and concert together (I paid) and he told her hubby that we had been going through a rocky patch and he'd been thinking bout getting his own place (I knew this) her fella says will u b able to afford it and he says I pay half of everything anyway. U know if I wanted I could take half of her house but I wouldn't do that on her
I just thought that was a shitty thing to even think! Buy the more I think of it was it just more of his blowing?
Now, we chatted last nite and he suggested moving out as he can see I'm not happy but I do feel a bit bad! I think if his folks had took the kids a bit more t b3gin with and he'd been better with money I wouldn't feel like's just went to far down the line. He mentioned moving back to his old town and I said why as yes moved kids school but he says so his folks will help him! Tbh that would drive me mad as they know I have so much work with my wee one and never done a thing
Advice please!

Arfarfanarf Fri 24-Jun-16 08:28:41

Let him go.

He could have chosen to pay his fair share but he prefers to be supported by you.

What help his parents may choose togive him if you split is not your concern

Sounds like he realises you've had enough of being a cash cow so he's lining up his next muggins.

Groovee Fri 24-Jun-16 08:31:04

Let him go. You deserve so much better X

Crazysaz1 Sat 25-Jun-16 11:11:29

Thanks girls ...even as I was writing this I could see how it looks to the outside. Mug on my forehead lol have to put my kids first...his are his responsibility

Afreshstartplease Sat 25-Jun-16 11:20:12

I'd tell him straight op he's using you

ImperialBlether Sat 25-Jun-16 11:25:58

He's a lying cocklodger. Poor you having to put up with him and his family, paying for everything and having him tell everyone that he's paying his share. Let him go and rejoice in the peace and quiet.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Sat 25-Jun-16 11:29:30

Ugh. Get rid.

Pendu Sat 25-Jun-16 11:31:39

I think you need to be clear with finances - establish what he earns and establish a fair split with bills etc. I think it's abit extreme to say with little info to leave him, he could be pretty stupid about these things unintentionally. I would be inclined to give him a chance based on the info here but be firm. You say he gives money when asked - maybe he just doesn't realise the reality (expenses wise) of everything, especially since he just got custody. Maybe he is being a user , but I think if generally you are happy then maybe try to solve the issue first ?

gamerchick Sat 25-Jun-16 11:31:44

Tell him to go, he'll shit himself. Seriously let him go. He's relying on you feeling bad and more or less beg him to stay. Don't fall for it.

SuperFlyHigh Sat 25-Jun-16 11:32:56

When you say let him go do you mean he moves out but you still see him?

I'd personally get rid of him for good, he's a user and certainly doesn't contribute towards his kids let alone your expenses, also he is a liar.

Pendu Sat 25-Jun-16 11:33:13

But did I just read that he said he could take half your house but wouldn't do it to you ?? hmm

Maybe ignore my previous post then !

SuperFlyHigh Sat 25-Jun-16 11:35:33

Pendu he's lying left right and centre re paying of bills (credit card) and for other items...

That is not right in itself, then on top of that lying to make himself look good to her friends. OP has already said that he and the 3 kids are a bit of a burden finance wise and also that she doesn't do stuff for herself re clothes, her looks etc. downward spiral with that last part first off.

SuperFlyHigh Sat 25-Jun-16 11:36:35

Pendu and the part about her house! I'd like to know how exactly could he take half her house that she's on mortgage deed for and paying mortgage for herself?!

Crazysaz1 Sat 25-Jun-16 19:25:10

Hi all and thank u for your input!
I'd originally thought move out and still see each other but now I think ..out! It's like the EU referendum in my head lol
He brought up moving out after I posted this. He asked what was wrong with me as I'm not in good form and he asked should he and kids move out and I said yes as I wasn't coping and things weren't improving
I think now he's not as dumb as he appears to be...he tries to use emotional blackmail subtlety... eg he is talking about moving back to his old town beside his folks... we've just changed kids school so this would mean changing thrm again. Not good 4 his wee boy especially. He said he wants to be near his parents?!
You know what...his kids..his responsibility and I need to switch off
Wed originally rowed 3 weeks ago and apparently he'd told a guy from church things were hard and I wasn't coping. I have been worried about his finances if he leaves as he's gonna have to furnish a house etc but he let it slip last nite that the guy from church has offered him free furniture!
He was going on about help with childcare etc and in the end I just said I worked full time and had to manage and my folks didn't help me. Tough tatty. There's plenty of us single mums manage.
Atm in my head there is a tally chart of money money out in the past year and the money out is a he'll of a lot bigger than money in. I feel I have been a total twat.

Crazysaz1 Sat 25-Jun-16 19:26:50

O yeah and apparently he paid and done everything in the marital home so you'd really expect him to know what running a house and looking after kids consist of.

AnyFucker Sat 25-Jun-16 19:29:05

You have certainly been rather blind

Not too late to get shut of the cocklodger though

Arfarfanarf Sat 25-Jun-16 19:31:32

So when is he leaving?
Or is he trying to make you carry on providing for him?

Stuffofawesome Sat 25-Jun-16 19:33:22

It's not you that isn't coping. He is not coping in supporting his children or maintaining a relationship with you. You don't need to feel bad about not being a doormat

expatinscotland Sat 25-Jun-16 19:42:02

He's a liar, a manipulator and a cocklodger. Tell him he has to go by the end of the month. He has a job. He has plenty of money. He's sponging.

And his kids are his responsibility.

Stop enabling him.

Crazysaz1 Sat 25-Jun-16 19:44:30

O apparently he is going to be out by time kids finish school which is next week.
Another thing which doesn't add up... I lent him 2800 last year to pay a credit card. He was supposed to pay back 100 a month into credit union. I says to him was he doing this and he looks sheepish and said he was paying into his! Apparently I had agreed this as I'm close to my limit. Can't remember whether I said this or not but he was prepared to lie and palm off my money as his. He can't even pay it to me as his fecking car is borrowed against it so he finally set up a direct debit for 100 a month last month which means over 2 years till I get my money.
We were discussing his money last week and he told me he had 3k saved in his credit union. He has borrowed 6500 against it to buy a car recently. Thrn I said r u still
That and the taking my house off me comment makes me suspicious
Today he was getting a towbar put onto his car and he'd said bout me taking his kids and I said no. U know was just me and my baby in the house and I had the best wee day. I played with him. Had a bath an shaved my legs lol. The peacentre and tranquility was great lol
Think they have to go..just want my fecking money back now.
And I bought him a tag heur watch ffs which il be paying off for another 2 years. I feel sooo stupid I really do
When he spoke to me about it he was near crying but I don't know what's real or not any more

expatinscotland Sat 25-Jun-16 19:49:20

'O apparently he is going to be out by time kids finish school which is next week. '

K, this man has conned you, and you are not the only one.

You can kiss the £2800 goodbye, and the watch, and all the other money.

But you have to stop this.

You tell him, 'I have had enough of your sponging and lying and taking me for a ride. You need to be out of here by the end of next week.

And then you throw his shit out and change the locks because he has no claim.

gamerchick Sat 25-Jun-16 19:50:17

Take the watch back?

Appock Sat 25-Jun-16 19:53:57

Jesus christ, let him go go go. Like now. Talk about a user

MadisonMontgomery Sat 25-Jun-16 20:00:24

He's using you. Take back the watch (and anything else you've bought him & kick him out.

expatinscotland Sat 25-Jun-16 20:01:54

Yeah, I'd take back any stuff I could and flog it. He's conning you and others. Don't sit around waiting for him to leave.

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