slightly obsessive new friend(7 Posts)
I really need some advice please ladies.
I have this newish friend who I met through baby group when our children were younger. We have been 'friends' for about 6 months.
She's always been a bit intense with texting I.e if you don't respond straight away, she will send another 30 mins later, and if you still don't text she will text again in another 30 mins.
She likes to meet up at least once a week (both SAHM) , which is absolutely fine - that's enough for me, I have a small business from home which keeps me busy, we have other friends and also I kinda like to spend time with hubby on his days off!
When we first became friends, I did feel she was a little odd, but thought I would give it a go, despite an age difference and is being very different people. But I have always had my concerns - you know that niggle that you just get sometimes....
However , the last few weeks she has become too much. If I don't respond in 5 mins I get another text, and then another. Then a Facebook message. They she writes on my Facebook wall.
She wants to meet up 2-3 times a week (which so far I've managed to decline). She says she's missing me and hates not seeing me, that she's getting withdrawal from not seeing me.
She has lied to me a few times too.
I get she maybe doesn't have many friends, but it's starting to stress me out! I'm quite an easy going, relaxed person, but it's just all too much.
What would you do? End the friendship? Put up with it? Say something? But then what do i say!!
Oh gosh. Personally I'd probably end the friendship as someone like this would make me feel very pressured. And the lying would be a huge red flag.
If you want to try save the friendship, I think you need to text / tell her, "Look, I enjoy your company, but I just can't do more than once a week. I also don't always have my hands free, so sometimes it might take me a bit longer to reply to your messages."
That would make me feel so trapped!
People use their phones differently I get that. Some seem to want to have a text conversation in real time, while others wait til it's convenient to reply. I'm in the second camp. Sometimes it's the next day when I respond. I'm just not tied to my phone; sometimes I can't find the dratted thing! So that's one aspect of it. But you would expect someone to think 'oh well, she just doesn't reply as quickly as some of my other friends do.' not 'I'll hassle her til she does respond'
Then there are the lies. That is a huge red flag. Why should you be friends and spend time with someone who you can't trust to be truthful. And then her saying she suffers withdrawal from you!!! That would be needy and weird in a romantic relationship never mind a mum friends one! I would have to make a sharp exit I'm afraid OP. I can only see her getting worse and wanting to be with you everyday and being possessive.
Thanks ladies - I think I need to cut this one loose - it's hard to do as I'm a genuinely nice person. I tried to say something today and she went very defensive about it - but it's got to the point that I'm just ignoring her messages (by various channels....)
Yes, probably best to call time on this one. I get that you don't want to hurt her feelings, I wouldn't either but she really isn't getting the hint is she? Hope it works out ok
As someone who has been in a friendship like this I really recommend not carrying on the friendship before it carries on any longer.
I had several years of my life with a 'friend' who was obsessive, manipulative and controlling. They met a new friend and dropped me like a stone and did the same to them.
It had a really big impact on me, damaged my self esteem and I became depressed. It sounds rediculous writing it down, but its amazing how manipulative people can be.
If you don't feel you can politely say 'I can't see you more than once a week, and I haven't got the time to respond to so many texts, sorry' and be listened to (a true friend should listen to and respect your wishes on this) then I would just ignore the texts and messages. If things start to get ropey, lies or whatever then end it, otherwise she'll just get far worse.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.