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How to invite friends for dinner without their kids, and without offending them?

(26 Posts)
Luv2chat2U Sat 11-Jun-16 20:57:12

Hi all please help with this one!

I feel this is a real dilemma, I have a group of friends that I'd like to invite over for a meal. However, they like myself are mothers but I only want to invite them. Previously when issues like this have happened outside of our circle of friends it's being talked about quite negatively, like "what do I do with the kids" (even though all are partnered up and have great family support for all other events)! I've been friends with these ladies for years but never have the heart to say something.

I am extremely house proud and when attending invites and my children were a lot younger I would either make arrangements for a childminder, family, spouse etc. or if I did take them anywhere always ensured they were well behaved and brought a small selection of their toys etc too keep them entertained, (of course at home they were free because it's their home). It seems when the other way round the children are just running all over the place like their outdoors, and I can't relax much. I live in a small flat. But small or not I've been bought up, two respect people homes. I know children will be children but I believe children should be spoken to by their parents when visiting people.

How do I get around this invitation without upsetting very good friends?

WitteryTwittery Sat 11-Jun-16 20:58:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly Sat 11-Jun-16 21:00:12

I'd never expect to bring the kids if I was invited out to dinner confused

Luv2chat2U Sat 11-Jun-16 21:01:37

By the way in my circle of friends when you send invitations for a girls night, they still turn up with all the kids.....

yumyumpoppycat Sat 11-Jun-16 21:07:16

That's a bit strange if they all have partners! I would just say casually: shall we have a meal without the kids so we can have a proper catch up, I'll cook. I guess the issue will be if they always do invites for whole family lunches and invite your kids but you don't reciprocate in the same way?

insan1tyscartching Sat 11-Jun-16 21:07:37

How about "book a babysitter, dinner and drinks at mine (date and time) hope you can make it"

Luv2chat2U Sat 11-Jun-16 21:07:57

Exactly! Floggingmolly neither would I, I just want a girls night....

@ WitteryTwittery I think I'll try your suggestion "grown up dinner at mine" thank you. ( although that won't stop them from reading between the lines and possibly taking it personal). Either way I like it.

Thank you.

Luv2chat2U Sat 11-Jun-16 21:16:26

At Yumyumpoppycat, yes their partners are their children's fathers and they always do fAmily dinners, however my kids are now nearly 20, whereas theirs range from 1-13....

I just want to entertain adults 😕

@ insan1tyscartching this was my original thought, I'm going to have to take a chance

NightWanderer Sat 11-Jun-16 21:21:14

I think just be direct. Say something on the text like I thought it would be fun to have a child-free evening for a change, hope no one minds and you can all make it. Would love to see you all there.

Wordsaremything Sat 11-Jun-16 21:58:15

Don't say ' at mine' though.
Dinner at my house
Have a Spanish theme and invite them at 9'for 930?

Luv2chat2U Sat 11-Jun-16 22:14:20

Oh I do like the Spanish theme idea hmmmmmm lol...

And yes Nightwanderer directness is definitely an option to consider.....which I have considered, just need to actually be direct without worrying....

yumyumpoppycat Sat 11-Jun-16 22:18:11

I don't think you should worry, you are inviting them for dinner that's a nice thing to do and they have partners that can stay home with the kids! Just so long as they don't have to bring and share ;)

Iknownuffink Sat 11-Jun-16 22:18:24

Child free night out.
Bring a bottle.
Book a Taxi.

Marilynsbigsister Sun 12-Jun-16 06:56:19

Genuinely intrigued OP.. Are you saying that on previous attempts for girls night out your friends have turned up, say 7-7.30pm with their kids ????

To me, (and I think to most) this is completely bonkers. I have honestly, never in twenty years of being a parent considered bringing my children to an evening do of any kind - unless specifically requested and even then it would have to be something pretty damn important. - perhaps a grandparents milestone birthday or anniversary, perhaps a wedding - but a 'girls get together ?' Aren't the kids in bed ? Don't they have school the next day ? Weird... Simply say. 'Child-free dinner at my house' 7:30 ... (School night)

shouldwestayorshouldwego Sun 12-Jun-16 07:11:17

Are your dc still in the area/ back from uni etc? You could say 'Girls night at mine 8.30 onwards. If anyone's oh can't babysit then my dc1/ dc2 would be happy to come over.' Could it be that the partners aren't willing to look after their own children and a culture has grown up where the dc always come too?

Luv2chat2U Sun 12-Jun-16 12:16:43

Exactly my thoughts Yummyyumpoppycat, I've just been surprised by their previous reaction when issues like this has occurred with other people....but I will try to worry less. Thanks for the advise.

I luv all the suggestions so simply as it should be, yet it might not be so simply to interpret by my lovely friends lol, thanks (iknownuffink) I luv it...I'm just going to have to brave it out. 😅

Hi Marilynsbigsister, yes I'm saying exactly that! I just don't get it, and on top of everything they wish to proceed into adult conversations in front of the kids...😳I think I'm a little to prudish for that ....or respectable might be a better's odd as there is never any fuss made about sitters to outside events but as soon as its in the home, it becomes an issue....

Luv2chat2U Sun 12-Jun-16 12:20:35

Typo * simple.

@shouldwestayorshouldwego, no partners and family members aren't the issues, it's more of an assumption and expectation that the kids are invited 😞

Whathaveilost Sun 12-Jun-16 12:27:12

This should have been nipped in the bud when they first turned up with kids at an evening do. I would no have been happy or impressed especially if I had arranged cover for my kids.
As others have said keep the message simple clear and no room for misunderstanding. Don't worry if anyone takes the huff. Don't make exceptions if someone can't get a baby sitter just say 'oh no, what a shame! Next time then?'

2nds Sun 12-Jun-16 12:30:31

I'd go with the book a babysitter idea of insanity's. 9.30 is very late to serve dinner in my opinion and I wouldn't want to go with no dinner until 9.30pm.

Roomba Sun 12-Jun-16 12:36:29

I once invited a couple I knew over for an adult dinner party, along with a few other adults. They turned up at 8.30pm with their 3YO! I had been very clear on the fact it was adults only, but they just brought him anyway and said, 'Oh it's okay, he can sleep in your DS's room while we eat!'. My DS's room was chock full of boxes and furniture as I had been decorating my room, so I had to stop and shift it all out of the room again while they tutted as if I usually made my DS sleep amongst boxes. Skin like rhinos, those two.

I would invite them to an 'adults only night' and make sure you put 'book the babysitter!' cheerily on the invite/text.

Luv2chat2U Sun 12-Jun-16 12:54:05

Yes I agree 9:30"for dinner is late although the theme I like.

Roomba, it's that sort of inconsideration, I'm talking about. Hope you ended up,with a nice evening.

Thanks for the advice.

Wordsaremything Tue 14-Jun-16 18:57:10

Well, assuming child free suggestions up taken, onto the theme then. Hola!

Olives and snacks tapas things to start, then

Main course :
How about a lovely chicken (usually use thighs) and chorizo red wine stew type thing, with red and yellow peppers and tinned beans ( butter beans or something smaller) fresh bread for dipping?

Am useless at puds but you can buy those lovely little custard tarts in many places, or get away with a creme brûlée?

All done in advance too so v easy. Plenty of time to enjoy being child free!

What do others think?

Wordsaremything Tue 14-Jun-16 18:57:42

Snacky not snacks

NapQueen Tue 14-Jun-16 19:00:43

I'd just put "for anyone who can find a babysitter or whose husband is home for the kids, I'm doing dinner at mine on Friday. Bring a bottle! Hope to see you all there x"

Wordsaremything Tue 14-Jun-16 19:06:57

Nap if someone said that I'd think 'at my what' . But wouldn't say so. I try to keep my inner plonker well hidden. wink

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