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Relationship Breakdown

(2 Posts)
123littleducks Thu 02-Jun-16 09:26:41

Hi,
Have got so much going on inside my mind I just needed to get it off my chest. I was with my partner for 8 years (although had broken up a few times) I had a son when we met and we went on to have two more boys. Since having our third son my partner had been much more settled and my eldest had accepted he was finally going to stick around. We were even planning baby number 4, holidays etc. We both loved each other. Yet he started to drink again (he'd been going to a group to stop drinking) and as I know when he is dealing with things (meeting the dad who abandoned him) I just tried to give him some space from me and the boys and after the second weekend drinking he moved into his mums, for two weeks we got on well enough, although I let him believe we were over as I thought it'd make him see what he had to lose. We spoke every day about our boys and he came to see them on a Wednesday. Well all of a sudden after 2 weeks he said it was best he didn't come to the house again as it'd confuse the boys. Then he literally cut me off and didn't reply to anything I said, I hadn't said anything still about us just about the children, yet he ignored me which I found hurtful. He didn't see the boys that Sunday either and was supposed to take our eldest to football and talked him (well bribed) out of coming so the following Sunday I took the boys there and left my youngest screaming for me, took the middle son to swimming lesson and dropped him off to hear my youngest 20m still screaming, so I drove away in tears. I get home and call my mum crying myself cos I hate leaving my boy crying and then get off the phone to a text from him telling me he's in a relationship with someone else. I just said ... ok but keep her away from the boys. This person he's in a relationship with was with my friends brother a few weeks ago and someone else just before that. I do not get on with her either. Also three of her kids had to go live with heir dad as she was off her head. I do not want my children around her, he knew how I felt about her before he got with her! He agreed at the time too! Then she messages me and says "even though she's known him years it's not exactly serious (no she's known of him as he was friends with one of her many exes) and how she'll introduce my kids to her and her kids like she did with her exes kids making sure they are happy and comfortable" no you bloody won't love!!! Oh and "I've begged him to go back to you but he's adamant he wants to be with me" Well I replied and said "you are welcome to him but leave me and my kids alone" I pick my boys up later and he had told my eldest (11) all about his new girlfriend!! I was furious! He doesn't need to know what goes on and so soon!! My ex forgets he's still a child and doesn't see how hurt he's been.The boys had sat there in front of the TV all day or gone in the garden to kick a ball. He'd made no effort with them at all yet she put on FB 20 mins after I pick my boys up a picture of him building a spa in her garden for her kiddies to play with!! I know he's all loved up with her so I try and think if I love someone I should let them be happy. Yet I know he doesn't see what she's really like and he doesn't see the hurt he's caused to the boys. I also know he's putting on a big front, playing super dad and attentive BF to her so she thinks he's great but she will see the real him one day and after years of emotional abuse from him I feel sorry for her in a way as I know she is desperate to be loved and settle down so he will get his claws in with all his charm. From a outside view I know I'll be better with out him. Yet from the inside its a physical pain like my heart actually broke... I can't sleep or eat, can't understand how he can just cut me off like I don't exist and not care when two weeks ago he said he'd always love me!? It's so hard. Also trying to be practical and sort out the tenancy and bills and he ignores when I ask him about that too! I have only text him about the boys and the house I haven't told him how I feel at all as I know he won't care cos he's all loved up with her but I'm a mess at the moment and burst into tears in front of his mum and dad when they came to see the boys last night after trying not to! I don't know if I'm supposed to swallow it and let her meet the boys but I just don't think my 5yo is ready to see daddy with a new gf and new kids. I am dreading dropping the boys off this Sunday too like to the point I can't breathe! I don't understand how he could just do this and act like I don't exist envyconfused
Just needed to get it out and sorry it's long but any advice would be greatly received xxx

pippistrelle Fri 03-Jun-16 09:35:19

He sounds like a selfish tosser. And, ultimately, you'll come to see that you're well rid.

Are his mum and dad reasonable people? Could they, maybe, act as intermediaries over your completely legitimate and reasonable concerns about your children?

I'm sure there are people with lots of good advice to give in the Relationships section of the board. You can ask for your thread to be moved there so that it'll be seen by people who can help, including some who have been through this sort of thing themselves.

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