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Should I keep an ex-friends secrets?

(25 Posts)
Samadams1 Sat 21-May-16 18:26:33

I have been friends with one girl since secondary school. However, she hasn't been a great friend. When I did better than her at Uni, made more friends etc she would always be very negative and put me down in front of people. This eventually came to a head and I have decided to cut her out of my life. I was very open as to why I was doing this and said so to her face. However, she has spent a lot of time slagging me off to joint friends behind my back and pressurising them to stop talking to me / not invite me to events. I have not said one bad word about her to our joint friends. Understandable I am very upset and angry. I know a lot about her past that our other friends don't know. Including lies she has told, engaged men she has slept with and trouble she has started within the group. Do I spill the beans in an ultimate act of revenge?

Coconutty Sat 21-May-16 18:28:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 21-May-16 18:33:46

No. it sounds like she's in a losing battle, and a terrible place. Who would want to be her. Keep the moral high ground.

Stardust160 Sat 21-May-16 18:35:05

How old are you? Seriously you sound as bad as each other

thecatfromjapan Sat 21-May-16 18:35:38

Great idea. Do it. What could possibly go wrong?

Do you know, I reckon that if you'd spent as much time thinking seriously about what you've written as you spent typing it, you'd already have your answer.

Samadams1 Sat 21-May-16 21:26:58

I imagine people who have secrets would be very negative

thecatfromjapan Sat 21-May-16 21:29:07

And big hair.

MyPeriodFeatures Sun 22-May-16 00:04:18

You don't seem to even like this woman at all.

MyPeriodFeatures Sun 22-May-16 00:04:59

I mean to have ever liked her...

fuzzywuzzy Sun 22-May-16 00:12:30

No don't.

FrayedHem Sun 22-May-16 00:13:12

Unless you're a singer/songwriter it's unlikely to be worth it. If you've decided to cut her out, I think a clean break is going to better so you don't keep getting drawn in to her drama.

HerRoyalNotness Sun 22-May-16 00:14:40

Of course you don't! You'd just be acting in a nasty manner and people may quite rightly back off from being friends with you.

RainIsAGoodThing Sun 22-May-16 00:18:05

No, definitely not. I fell out with someone I'd known since school too - she betrayed me in quite a significant way. I was incredibly hurt and, once, on a night out with mutual friends and after a few hundred wines and a bit of goading, I spilled a couple of secrets from years ago she'd trusted me with.

I felt AWFUL the next day. I feel guilty even writing this down. She'd told me what she did when we were huge parts of one another's lives and I felt like a total bitch for devaluing that, even if our friendship was over.

Don't do it! Learn from me. It's like wine! Will feel like a good idea at the time but not so much for a few days years after.

Why would you do something so spiteful and childish?

Chuckading Sun 22-May-16 00:28:59

All you'd be doing is showing your friends you're untrustworthy!

Ludways Sun 22-May-16 00:39:51

No. You should always honour your promises to keep a secret no matter what subsequently happens. Obviously there's exceptions to the rules but dimply revenge isn't one of them.

monkeywithacowface Sun 22-May-16 00:40:58

"Do I spill the beans in an ultimate act of revenge?"

Are Loose Women now scouring the boards for chat show fodder?

justdontevenfuckingstart Sun 22-May-16 00:43:19

Yes tell everyone and then let us know how many shits they give. Good grief.

LoveAGoodRummage Sun 22-May-16 00:47:45

Do it. Fuck 'em. hmm

VioletSunshine Sun 22-May-16 00:54:42

At the moment she's not exactly coming across all that great to your mutual contacts. Don't interrupt her while she's making that mistake. Keep her secrets. Besides, it's probably doing her head in wondering whether you've spilled the beans already and this is part of her damage control.

Klaptout Sun 22-May-16 10:33:09

I hope she has no secrets of yours to spill.

MizzisDee Sun 22-May-16 12:29:36

I wouldn't. I think deliberately trying to bitchy will only make you look really petty. I had an opportunity where I could have done similar, but felt better that I chosen not to - I walked away with my head held high and that meant more to be longer term than short lived revenge.

Lilyandginger Sun 22-May-16 12:31:39

Of course not.

And if you do, you might find you have rather fewer friends.

AlmaMartyr Sun 22-May-16 12:35:15

Of course you shouldn't. Some friends of mine treated me badly, I know a lot of their secrets. I would never spill them, even if it has seemed tempting once or twice. I would rather be the better person.

dudsville Sun 22-May-16 13:59:21

I keep all sorts of secrets, not primarily out of respect for any individual involved but because it makes sense to do so (and of course there is an element of respect). I also don't gossip. I used to be friends with two people who were also friends. They had a disagreement and stopped being friends and over time I grew apart from one of them. She did not want me to tell the other friend a thing she'd said - I never have, to do so would have been spiteful anyway. If the secret is meaningless in the grand scheme of things then telling will say more about you than it does about her.

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